The Gentleman and The Hero
by Teenage Mouse
Summary: World Academy students have been paired up for an anonymous email exchange program, so they can talk to someone about school and personal problems in private. These are the emails of two students nicknamed 'The Gentleman' and 'The Hero'. Gakuen AU, email.
1. An Important message from the staff

08:03 – Monday, January 9th 2012

To: All Students

From: student-council (at) world academy w . edu

Message: **An Important message from the staff at World Academy W**

* * *

><p>Dear students,<p>

It has come to the attention of the staff that cliques are forming amongst the student body at World Academy W. Students are deliberately segregating themselves from each other in a disappointing display of immaturity unbefitting of the high standards we expect of those chosen to attend our establishment.

As an ancient and prestigious international school, World Academy W boasts a proud reputation for promoting inter-cultural exchange and understanding among its students. However, this should apply not only to inter-racial cooperation and friendships (which we are pleased to note are as strong as ever), but also to the students' tolerance and acceptance of those who are different from themselves in all aspects of life: whether those differences concern hobbies, cultural affiliations or life choices. It is in _this_ area where the student body is failing to live up to its potential for diplomacy and solidarity.

We, the staff, are most disappointed in the students' current trend to socialize only in homogenous groups. It shows a severe lack of enterprise, progressiveness, and empathy – all of which are characteristics we try hard to instil in our students. Furthermore, by restricting yourself to associating with only one group of your peers you let yourselves down both in your standing as exceptional adolescents and also in your opportunities for the future.

Do not forget that it was you alone who were chosen from among the best and brightest of your generation to attend the Academy. For you, there should be no limitations; every opportunity is within your reach. And yet you purposefully build these walls around yourselves, imposing your own boundaries. In doing so, you prevent yourselves from reaching your full potential by ignoring the rich opportunities which alliance with your peers can offer you.

We ask you to think of how much all of you could accomplish together, if only you had the courage to talk to one another.

For these reasons, the Academy is introducing a new anonymous email exchange program.

Starting this Tuesday (January 10th), students will be called to the computer labs and asked to create a personal email account. **(Please see the attached timetable to find out when you must report to the lab.)**

Your email accounts will be completely private: no record will be made of each student's address or password, and no member of staff or the student body will be able to access your account. As such, everything for which you use this email account will remain confidential, with no staff interference or outside supervision.

On Friday (January 13th), during afternoon registration, you will be randomly assigned a recipient email address belonging to another World Academy W student. You will not know whose email address you have been given and, likewise, your identity shall remain a secret from your partner.

Using your new private email account, we encourage you to get in contact with your recipient student.

This anonymous email exchange program aims to bridge the gaps and tear down the walls which students have allowed to grow between themselves. There is no need to reveal your identity to your partner, so you may feel free to talk about school work, personal matters, or social issues whilst enjoying complete anonymity and privacy from your partner and the rest of your peers.

Once free from the instinctive prejudices and bias you encounter when dealing physically with your peers, we are sure that you will learn a lot through this anonymous form of interaction, and be surprised to discover the similarities that exist between you and perhaps the most unlikely of your peers.

As the emails will remain confidential, you might even consider taking this chance to discuss private concerns that you have so far kept to yourself, as we are sure that the student body of the Academy is full of intuitive and compassionate individuals ready to lend an ear and offer worthy advice. We believe that you should have more faith in the sympathy and understanding you can find in your peers, just as they should have more faith in you. Please do not let yourselves, and each other, down.

Although the staff cannot force you to participate in the program, or use your new accounts appropriately, we recommend that you treat this seriously, and take advantage of the opportunity that the Academy is affording you. A new start for a new year.

We hope that by emailing your partner and sharing your thoughts and experiences, you will come to understand that there is no need to be so prejudiced and discriminatory against your peers due to your superficial differences. The goal of the program is to encourage students to see the equality between everyone, and for you to become much more open and fair towards your fellow students.

We want only for all of you to live up to your potential, and not to dismiss the firm and lasting friendships that you can make during your short years here at World Academy W: friendships that will only become more precious and important in the years to come.

Sincerely,

The professors and staff of World Academy W


	2. Friday, 13 Jan, 14:29

14:29 – Friday, January 13th 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Greetings.<p>

It seems that I have been assigned your email as part of this "anonymous exchange program" that the Academy has decided to instate.

To be honest, I don't know how they hope to accomplish anything when it's all anonymous and confidential. If there's no way for them check up on our accounts to make sure that each student is actually participating, then I doubt that anyone will bother getting to know their email partner to try to 'broaden their horizons' from these little cliques. I don't really see anyone getting much out of this program, unfortunately.

That being said, if there is anything on your mind that you _do_ wish to talk about, then I am here if you need an unbiased ear (or eye, as it were). I might not be able to offer any worthwhile advice, but I promise to keep anything you have to say between the two of us, and to do my utmost to offer some moral support through any difficulties you may be having in or outside of school. I am not one to spread rumours or betray people's trust, so please rest assured that anything you have to say will be kept in complete confidence.

Of course, I'm not doing any of this for you. I just don't want to be one of those disrespectful students letting down the school's reputation. It's an honour to belong to the Academy and I mean to live up to it. Besides, the staff worked so hard to implement this project, so it's only fair if I do my part.

If there's nothing you want to talk about, then that's fine by me. Just drop me a message saying you don't want to talk, so I know I don't have to bother checking this email account again.

I doubt this project will help us change our so-called "immature" attitudes towards our fellow students, anyway, seeing as these emails are anonymous. How can we change our opinions of each other when we don't know to whom we are speaking?

In fact, the whole thing seems a bit of a farce really, doesn't it? I mean, we're teenagers – of course there's going to be cliques. World Academy may be a prestigious international institution, but it's still a _school_.

So, write back or not. It's entirely up to you.

Yours most sincerely,

Anonymous

P.S. I'm not sure if your email address is supposed to be a reference to anything, but I think what you might have meant to say was "you're lucky" not "your lucky." The latter implies that you are a 'lucky' and that you're mine. As in, you belong to me. Which I'm sure is not what you meant. Try not to confuse "you're" and "your" because it can cause problems. And having to correct someone's spelling and grammar during a conversation is not my favourite pastime.


	3. Friday, 13 Jan, 14:52

14:52 – Friday, January 13th 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Hey, what's up! :D<p>

You sure work fast! We only got those emails addresses like an hour ago and I already got a message from you! You're a total keener huh! XD (You must have had a free period last class if you were able to email me - that means I can narrow down who you are! Jk, I'm too lazy for that kind of detective work. I obviously have a free period right now too, but don't go trying to figure out who I am!)

I didn't think I'd have an email already – I was gonna be awesome and offer you an "unbiased eye" first, but I guess ya beat me to it! Damn.

Well anyway, I'm totally happy to talk about whatever. Actually personally I kinda have a secret I'd like to get off my chest. But it's a big one, so you have to tell me something first so I know I can trust you. (Jesus, I'm trying to sound all casual about this, but it's making my heart race just thinking about finally telling someone! Please don't laugh!)

And before you think I'm just trying to trick you, I promise I'm totally legit. I know a lot of my friends think the project's stupid. They say they're just gonna use it as a way to play pranks on people – saying they do drugs or whatever. I know one guy who made his email address "administrator (at) world academy w . edu" so he can try and get personal info out of people. I don't think any of them would actually go through with it (and I'll make sure they don't) but still: kinda douchey of them.

I personally thought the email project was a nice idea. It'll be good to talk to someone who… just someone who doesn't know me, I guess. You have no prejudices about my actions and opinions because you don't know me, and you have no personal interest or investment in my life. So I can get a completely fresh perspective from you. Maybe you can point out some things about me that I've never noticed before. If there's anything you think I should work on, throw me your constructive criticism. I've been trying to improve myself lately.

I don't know how to convince you I'm being serious about this, but just the fact that I'm using such intense grammar in this email is a big deal. Usually when I text people it's like a minefield of emoticons and no punctuation. But I wanted you to know I'm taking this seriously, and I really want to _communicate_, you know? I'm sick of talking and never saying anything. I don't know if you've ever felt like that, but that's what it feels like to me sometimes. I actually wanna have a meaningful conversation with someone for a change.

So I'm gonna be good and use lots of commas so that you keep talking to me. And hopefully the two of us can learn all about equality and tear down those walls we built and live up to the academy's expectations and junk!

But I'm still gonna write the way I talk (like "gonna" for example) 'cause I'm not a text book like SOME anonymous email partners I know ;p (I'll try and quit with the emoticons, too…) Anyway, reading your message was totally like reading an email from the school. It sounded all formal like the one they sent us. You need to loosen up, dude. You can be yourself around me, it's cool.

So yeah, I'm totally up for emailing you sometimes. I'm here for you, too, if you wanna talk about your problems.

Write back soon! TTYL!

P.S. Uh yeah, I guess I didn't mean I was _your_ lucky, but I also didn't count on being given a grammar nazi as my anonymous email partner XD

I meant "you're lucky" because you get to talk to me in this secret email program! Usually spell-check sorts these things out, but it didn't spell-check the email address I put in so…yeah, now I'm _your_ lucky, I guess. Be gentle with me ;)

P.P.S. And hey, talk about spelling and grammar mistakes! You totally spelled "honor" and "favorite" wrong. NOW whose causing problems!

P.P.P.S. Your email address made me lol btw. Nice one.

P.P.P.P.S. I wasn't too concerned about the whole 'anonymous' thing making it impossible to actually change our opinions about each other. _My_ question about this email program is: what ever happened to "don't talk to strangers online"?


	4. Saturday, 14 Jan, 8:17

08:17 – Saturday, January 14th 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Hello again, Lucky.<p>

I'm sure your use of proper spelling and grammar is very generous, indeed. (_Do_ keep it up.) But that's hardly enough to make me reveal all of my deepest, darkest secrets, just to make _you_ feel more comfortable. Even if I am to assume you are being honest (which is still unlikely), that's hardly a fair trade – humiliate myself so that you feel more confident?

This is supposed to be all about trust, isn't it? If I may quote the original email: "…you should have more faith in the sympathy and understanding you can find in your peers, just as they should have more faith in you." So you should trust that I will be sympathetic towards your issue, no matter what I am going through myself.

Besides, you seem like a perfectly well-adjusted individual; I'm sure that whatever secret you have, you are much more capable of admitting it than I am mine.

If I had any. Which I don't.

Well, except for maybe one. But it's not really a big deal. In fact, it's rather stupid. It's nothing, really. I suppose I could tell you after you tell me yours, just to make you feel better. It's not that I want to get it off my chest or anything. It's just a way to cheer you up afterwards: you'll be relieved you don't have _my_ problem, I can assure you.

And yes, you'd better not let your friends get away with any of that. I wish I knew who they were so I could inform the staff that they are misusing their email accounts. Honestly, this program was supposed to _help_ people. What if your friends are given the addresses of students who really want to talk to someone, but who instead end up emailing some trouble-making douche-nozzle who just wants to have a laugh. What a terrible waste.

At any rate, if you really do have a secret you want to tell someone, you're going to have to take the first step. You can't rely on me to pave the way for you. Be brave, Lucky, as I'm sure you really are.

– Anonymous

P.S. "Grammar Nazi"? You take that back! What an awful term! And just by the by, I am not writing like a "text book"; I just enjoy being comprehensible. This _is_ me being myself, so I will continue to write as such.

P.P.S. It's perfectly acceptable to spell those words with a 'u'! Honestly, going to such an international school, you think you'd be used to lots of different spellings and vocabulary for the same words. _You_ obviously learnt American English where you come from. Now **who's** causing problems?

P.P.P.S. Glad I could be of service. It was actually rather hard picking a name that didn't reflect who I am in some way, so I went with the obvious.

P.P.P.P.S. A fair point. It…it made me laugh out loud, actually. (Nearly woke up my room mate, so _thank you_ for that. I would have looked ridiculous.)

P.P.P.P.P.S. Now _no more_ P.S.s! Just stick these comments in the main email from now on, if you must babble on at the end so.


	5. Sunday, 15 Jan, 01:59

01:59 – Sunday, January 15th 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Dude. Don't call me Lucky. Like ever!<p>

I think we should have codenames. I'm gonna be 'Captain Awesome!' No, wait: 'THE HERO!' So you have to call me THAT from now on, okay? You can decide what you wanna be next time.

Look! LOOK! ^^^ Don't you see how I spelled "OKAY" instead of just writing "ok?" I'm being really thoughtful and careful here! Isn't that worth a little faith! You need to trust me too, dude. It works both ways.

I may sound secure and well adjusted, and I'm totally awesome in real life, I swear. But this secret is just so huge it makes me a little weird. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a _good_ weird. It makes me happy and excited and I love it, and I really WANT to tell someone. But it's a big deal and I can't help it, it makes me nervous.

It's…it's about love and stuff, okay? Maybe that'll explain it.

And you don't know how much I'm already putting myself out there for you – just telling you how nervous I am. That _alone_ is more than I've ever shown anyone else. You should be proud: most of the people I know would _love_ to have me confiding in them instead of anyone else.

I just can't take the next step yet, dude. Not because of the prejudice thing, or 'cause I don't know you. It doesn't matter who you are, what club you belong to, who you hang out with at lunch – you seem like a good person and I do trust that you won't go telling everyone my secret. But is that enough for me to go spilling my guts? So you're not gonna laugh in my face or tell anyone – that's only _part_ of what I need. This secret can get to me a little sometimes, so I also just need someone to really be there for me, you know? A little TLC would be nice.

I guess I'm just being selfish, expecting you to fawn all over me and care all about my personal problems when I'm a total stranger. But this means a lot to me, dude, and I could do with some encouragement and a little compassion. I just need to know I'm talking to a _person_, not some serious student only listening to me because the school told them to.

I promise to do the same for you. I know what it feels like to need to talk to someone, so I'm here for you, too. (And I bet you anything my problem is worse than yours...I don't mean to make your issue sound like not a big deal, but don't worry: _you'll_ be the one feeling lucky you're not in _my_ shoes.)

So please? I know you're brave, too.

But anyway.

Aww, no more P.S.s? Well, anything for you.

So, you didn't like the 'grammar Nazi' reference, huh? Does that mean you're from Germany? You're way too calm and proper to be Gilbert, so maybe you're Ludwig? Or Roderich – he's from Germany, right? I bet he would write just like you. Anyway, if one of them is you then hey, I'm really sorry about the Nazi thing. I didn't mean NAZI Nazi, I just meant…like, a dick, ya know? I don't think all Germans are Nazis. I guess not all DICKS are Nazis either, but you know what I mean.

I'm glad I made you lol. Honestly, you seem kiiiiinda like a robot. I wish I could actually see you laugh at something I write because I can't picture it! (Not that I know what you look like, anyway…)

So yeah. Hope you had a good Saturday. (And dude wtf? Why were you awake at stupid o clock this morning? I didn't even get up till noon.)

TTYL

The Hero!


	6. Sunday, 15 Jan, 15:14

15:14 – Sunday, January 15th 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Well, it's not <em>my<em> fault you spelt your own email incorrectly. But fine, I suppose I can buy into the codenames – but only to stop you from calling me "dude" incessantly! You sound like a particularly awful teen movie.

I'll be 'Anonymous.' Anon, for short.

And as for what you said about needing a _person_ to talk to, and not a student who treats this as an assignment…You're right. And I'm sorry, I suppose. (And I never say EITHER of those things, let alone both at the same time, so enjoy it while it lasts.)

I haven't been very fair on you, and it was wrong of me. I just automatically started treating you like I treat everyone else, but I don't think I should. First of all, _you_ don't treat _me _the way other people do. I'm sure that's mostly because you don't know who I am, but all the same, it's a bit unusual for me to have someone being so nice and normal, so I just fell back on my usual sarcasm and formality. But the way you've been writing to me, that's really not what you deserve.

Secondly, I have a chance to be _anonymous_. I don't have to worry about keeping up appearances and saying what I would normally say; I can actually say what I _want_ to, for a change. For this one time out of my whole adolescence I can be honest and tell someone what I'm really thinking, without having to worry about the repercussions. I should jump at the chance, because to be honest (something which I will try to do with you more often) I would like that very much. Getting to say what I'm actually thinking: how novel that would be. God knows I try to lie to _myself_ often enough, but maybe I can forget about that just for a little while.

And on that note, I suppose I can tell you my secret first. Especially seeing as mine is about "love and stuff", too. Well, mainly the "stuff" part; I wouldn't go so far as to say it's 'love.'

It's…God, I know what you mean about being nervous just _thinking_ about telling someone, even if they can't trace it back to you. I've just never said it out loud or written it, and I barely let myself form the words in my own head. But quite frankly it will be a relief to get it out.

And just so you know, I don't need you to give me any advice on the matter. I know the situation is hopeless. I would just really like to _say_ it finally.

I have a crush on Alfred F. Jones.

…You have no idea how extraordinary it is for me to be admitting that. What you have just witnessed is nothing short of surreal, and if you knew who I was and told people what I had just said, they would _never_ believe you.

I'm sorry if you were expecting something a little more exciting. Most people at school are in love with him, and don't bother keeping it secret. I know I said my secret was huge and would make your burden feel lighter in comparison, and I really am sorry if my confession hasn't helped at all. I feel stupid now: I shouldn't have made it seem like the be-all and end-all of secrets, when it's something shared by half the school. But it _is_ big for me, you know? Just because other people feel it, too, doesn't mean it's any less serious for me.

And you're not selfish for wanting someone to care about your problem. We all want that. Just please believe me when I say that I _do_ care – and since we seem to be vaguely in the same boat (both with relationship/romance problems) I really feel for you. I do. And even though my secret isn't anything unique, it's enough that I can sympathise with whatever problems you are going through. So I'll be here if you need me. I'm very much a person, and very much ready to give you all the support and compassion you need.

Now to close a lid on my inner emo, and answer the rest of your email:

I won't tell you whether I am any of those people or not, however I would like to point out that Roderich is from Austria, which is an entirely different country to Germany. I'm sure you know that really, so stop acting stupid.

You know, with all your talk of being "awesome" I would be inclined to suspect that _you_ were Gilbert. But I know who Gilbert got in the email exchange, so you can't be him.

Unfortunately, the way you write is very common, so it's hard for me to make any educated guesses about your identity without a few more clues. Also, you could be _anyone _from the Academy, not necessarily someone I know from _my_ year group. That makes things rather more complicated.

I can assure you I am not a robot, and I have been known to laugh. Just not much at school since this is a place of learning, not an amusement park.

And talk about "stupid o' clock": you emailed me at 2 in the morning, you damned hypocrite! I'll have you know that waking up early to get the most out of your weekend is anything but stupid.

By the way…I'm sorry if I seem a bit hostile sometimes. (Like that last paragraph.) I promise it's not you being annoying (well, partially it is) – this is just who I am. You wanted me to be myself, so I'll oblige. But you should be careful what you wish for next time.

Sincerely,

Anonymous


	7. Sunday, 15 Jan, 23:44

23:44 – Sunday, January 15th 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Okay, you <em>can't<em> be "Anonymous." That doesn't count. Pick a _real_ codename. Otherwise I'm gonna keep calling you "dude!" XP

Thank you, Anon – you know, for trying to being honest and loosening up and everything, just for me. I know I was asking a lot from someone who doesn't owe me anything. And I didn't mean to make you feel bad – I mean, maybe you just write all seriously like that all the time. If that _is_ your style, then I'm sorry, I don't mean that it's _bad_. I just felt uncomfortable talking to someone who sounded so formal and distant. This email program was supposed to give us a fellow teenager to talk to, but it kinda felt like I was talking to a random adult stranger who couldn't understand me. So I really, _really_ appreciate you trying to make me feel better by loosening up a bit. Honestly, I think it will be good for _you_, too.

You must be a really good person if you can apologize like you did. I'm not saying you _needed_ to (and _I'm_ sorry for making you feel so guilty!) I'm just impressed: I don't know anyone who would say sorry so freely like that in real life. I feel bad that I probably don't know you at school – at least not _well_. You obviously deserve more credit than I've probably given you if we ever _have_ met before.

And before I go on, I just want you to know: do NOT feel bad that you don't think your secret is big enough. You shouldn't need to go through hell just to make other people feel better about their own lives. I'm sorry for making you think that's what I wanted – it really wasn't. I just wanted to share, you know? So that we can have a meaningful conversation and I can help you out with your own problems in return.

And besides, I know better than anyone how serious your problem really is. Because I _am_ in the same boat (I'll explain later). Having a secret crush _sounds_ normal and not such a big deal, but people shouldn't dismiss it so quickly. It's one of the worst secrets to have in the world, I'm sure of it – no matter how ordinary and common it is. So forget feeling that your secret is inadequate: I genuinely feel sorry for you that you have to live through it. It can be a terrible thing. I know I sometimes wish I could trade my problem for anything else in the world. (Though other times, I want to never let it go, no matter how stupid and hopeless the situation is.) So I totally understand where you're coming from, and I don't think your secret is small at all. And I'm totally here for you if you need to vent.

Anyway, before I start going on about _my_ issues, let's talk about you first.

So you like Alfred F. Jones huh?

First off, I'm really sorry: I thought you were a boy! I mean, I asked if you were Ludwig or Roderich, and I keep calling you "dude"…I feel so stupid! Your writing style wasn't that girly, so I just assumed you were a guy, I guess. And you didn't want to talk about your problems, which I always think of as a guy thing. Looks like I just blindly believed in the stereotype that all girls love talking about their feelings and stuff. Well, I've learned my lesson. (You keep spelling learned and stuff with a T, btw. Just a heads up in case your spell check keeps missing it.) So yeah, I'm really sorry. I'm sure you don't look or sound like a boy _at all_ in real life, don't worry – it's just 'cause your writing style is like an essay, so it's hard to tell.

Just in case you had similar confusion with me: I _am_ a guy. But I'm totally happy to keep listening/reading you if you don't mind talking to a boy about this stuff.

Anyway. About Alfred.

I guess I should tell you first: I'm not gonna encourage you or anything. I'm happy to listen to you and support you when things get depressing, but I won't ever tell you to go for it and ask him out. I've heard that he's not interested in anyone, and I don't want you putting yourself out there and getting hurt. Nobody's self-confidence needs a hit like that. But that doesn't mean there's something wrong with _you_, not at all, so please don't think that! It's not like he would reject you in particular, and then go out with someone else – he doesn't want to go out with _anyone_. So don't feel bad. And this isn't just a rumour, by the way – he told me himself. I mean, we're not best friends or anything, but I know him okay enough to know that it's true.

So just out of curiosity, why can't you tell anyone that you like Alfred? It seems lots of girls like him, so I'm sure you could get it all off your chest to them. Unless the other girls are all bitchy and competitive towards each other because they're fighting over him…I _have_ seen them being pretty horrible to each other sometimes, just because of him – I guess I'd be scared to talk to them about it too, if I was a nice person like you.

I just don't get why you girls all like Alfred so much. He seems like a dumb jock to me – really shallow and superficial. I mean, I get that he's popular 'cause he's cute and the quarterback and whatever, and at school that's a big deal. But in the _real_ world he's just another guy. There's an Alfred F. Jones like that in every grade, in every school, in every town, in every country in the world. That's a lot of Alfred's. He may be popular at the academy, but he's really nothing special in the grand scheme of things. And yet people treat him like a freaking superstar around here! It just weirds me out. I mean…wtf, basically. What did he _do_? Why does he deserve this kind of attention? He hasn't done anything to earn it as far as I can see. He shouldn't let it get to his head.

So, anyway, I'm sorry I can't give you any great advice for winning Alfred round. And I hope you can understand what I'm saying about him not being all he's cracked up to be. You don't have to feel too depressed that you can't go out with him – I don't think it would be as awesome as you'd expect. I know he's popular and everything, but that's not the most important thing in a boyfriend. You should be able to connect with a guy, you know? And I'm sure one day you'll meet someone like that: someone who'll _instantly_ appreciate how kind and smart you are, and who will be totally impressed by your amazing grammar skills XD. I'm not saying you'll find him _right now_, and I know the idea of that happening "one day" isn't enough to make your current situation much better. So I'll be here to listen to you about Alfred for as long as you need me.

Anyway, now for _my_ secret. This is something I've wanted to talk about for _forever _but I just haven't had the chance, so thank you for listening/reading me.

Well, here goes:

I'm in love with Arthur Kirkland.

Yeah, the stuffy student council president. _That_ Arthur Kirkland.

And before you ask: yes, I'm in the closet about it and everyone thinks I'm straight. But funny enough, that's not the part I'm most worried about. I don't care that I like a guy. I was raised to know that we're all equal no matter who we fall in love with, and I know my family and closest friends are the kind of people who would accept me no matter what.

My problem is that Arthur would never like me back. First of all, I don't know if he's gay. (I kinda think so, but I don't know if that's just wishful thinking.) Secondly, even if he _was_ gay, he would never in a million years like someone like me. And that's not me being emo, it's something anyone could tell you.

The thing is, he's the _only_ guy I like. I'm not attracted to anyone else – hell, I don't even look at girls anymore! It's just him. Fricking Arthur Kirkland. So I don't wanna come out of the closet and completely throw my old life away (I _liked_ my old life) for something that will never happen. If I end up getting attracted to other guys in the future, then sure I'll come out. If it's who I am then I want everyone to know. But if it's_ just_ Arthur and I never get to be with him…then I don't want to tell anyone. Because then every time someone mentioned me being gay/bi I would think of him, and remember how I never got to be with the _one_ guy who made me that way. Seems kind of unfair to turn my world upside down just so people can remind me about something depressing my whole life.

So I don't really wanna put myself through coming out and all those consequences at school when it's something that might never actually affect my life.

Unfortunately that means I have had to keep my crush secret. And _really_ unfortunately that means _you_ are now going to have to listen to me gush about him _all_ the time.

I know I sounded kind of emo talking about staying in the closet and him never liking me and stuff – but really I love having a crush on Arthur because he's amazing! And it feels _awesome_ to finally tell someone! So I hope you don't mind if I spend most of my emails just ranting about him. He's all I ever think about – and usually I never shut up about stuff I like, but since I can't tell anyone about _this_ (the one thing I want to talk about MOST) it's really hard for me to keep it all inside! It feels like I'm gonna explode! So thanks for offering to listen to me, and I apologize in advance for me spazzing about him all the time.

So, I guess that's enough for now. I'll wait for you to reply before I start going on about him. Honestly, I think once I start I'm never gonna be able to stop!

So wait a sec : how do you know who Gilbert got? Isn't this thing supposed to be anonymous? Are you a hacker or something?

And sure I may write in a really common style, but it's hard for _me_ to guess who _you_ are when you write like a textbook. And I hadn't actually thought about how you might be from another grade – that makes it even harder! I'll have to look harder for clues…

And dude, "amusement park?" Yeah, school is pretty much where we go to work – but that's the beauty of it: it's NOT work yet! One day you'll have a real job and there really will be no fun and games. But at school you're supposed to make friends and memories and have a good time! You should take advantage of your time here a bit more.

Like me for example: I emailed you at 2am last time because I was out having fun. I know we technically have a curfew but screw it: I'm young and free and I don't do anything bad or dangerous. I shouldn't have to be cooped up in the dorms on a Saturday night! I would have missed out on some amazing memories if I'd stayed in this weekend. It was so fun! Ugh, guess I can't tell you what we did in case you hear about it on Monday and figure out who I am. Anyway, it was awesome.

And dude, don't worry about being grumpy sometimes. If that's who are, go for it! People always say "Be yourself!" but that's only easy if you think people will _like_ who you are. I think everyone should be themselves _all_ the time – whether they're grumpy, angry, stupid…sleepy, dopey, sneezy or doc! XD Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyway, I won't get offended if you get annoyed with me sometimes. I'm pretty sure you don't really mean it, and even if you do, you're entitled to your own opinions. (But I think you're secretly a softy, since you're being so nice and talking to me and stuff ;) You don't need to feel shy about being nice, people won't think bad about you!)

Anyway, can't wait for you to write back. TTYL

Oh, and don't forget to pick a new codename!

The Hero


	8. Monday, 16 Jan, 20:26

20:26 – Monday, January 16th 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>...I'm also a boy.<p>

I didn't necessarily mean to keep it a secret, though I didn't want to state it explicitly, either. Sort of my own, personal "don't ask, don't tell" policy, as it were. It's how I usually operate, but after what you told me, I suppose I can say it plainly. It will be harder to keep it secret the more we email each other, anyway, so I might as well get it out in the open now.

And since I didn't make an effort to be more clear on the matter, I suppose I can't exactly blame you for mistaking my gender over text; my narrative voice _is_ rather neutral, I suppose. Though I'm not saying that you're not _completely_ oblivious, either. _And_ a little self-absorbed, I might add: you're bi-curious yourself, but then assume _I_ must be a girl, just because I like a boy? (And, besides, _you_ write more like a girl than _I _do: all those "totally"s and so on. You sound like Feliks, but he would use a few more "like"s before his "totally"s, I think.)

At any rate, I suppose I can't hold your mistake against you when it was partially my doing – so don't worry, I'm not too offended.

On the other hand: IT'S 'LEARNT', NOT 'LEARNED', YOU IDIOT! You have the gall to question _my_ spelling? Some of us don't need _spellcheck_ just to help us write the language into which we were born! You should put a little more faith in MY spelling skills than YOURS, if you know what's good for you! I know "learned" is the North American spelling, but it has an entirely different meaning and pronunciation than "learnt"! (Pronounced learnèd.' Meaning: well-educated, erudite, possessing much knowledge. Example: Edmund Spenser, _The Faerie Queene_, : "the **learned** Merlin, well could tell, / Vnder what coast of heauen the man did dwell [...].")

I thought we had already established that I'm using a non-butchered version of the English language. Honestly! The nerve! If you happen to see any more "_spelling mistakes_" and decide to be helpful and point them, do yourself a favour: DON'T! I can only take so much of this murderously frustrating ignorance before I _really_ get angry!

Anyway, on to the rest of your email before I blow a gasket.

I wouldn't get too impressed with my humble apologies, if I were you. These things come a lot easier when they're anonymous and over email. I don't mean to disappoint you when you seem to think so highly of me, but don't think I'd be saying sorry so readily if we were speaking face to face. I'm human, after all.

Also, it was partially because I rather thought you were a freshman at first. I can't really pinpoint why, but you just have an air of naivety and innocence about you – like you don't know how stressful the Academy, teenage life, or life in general can be yet. I suppose you must come from a wealthy family, and have never had to worry about much before. That and/or you are very popular at the Academy, so perhaps you don't have any worries in that regard?

But anyway, I was being particularly kind since I thought you were a freshman and I wanted to be a good mentor, and hopefully steer you in the right direction for the rest of your school career. But since you picked out Ludwig and Roderich before, then I'm assuming you must be a junior, like them. I know you mentioned Gilbert, but who _doesn't_ know that clown of a senior. Making an arse of himself 24/7...

To answer your question about him: I know the person who got Gilbert in the email exchange, and it was easy for them to figure him out. He wasn't exactly subtle in his messages. "I'M AWESOME" this, "SO NOT AWESOME" that... It was painfully easy for his recipient to guess their partner's identity, and they happened to mention it to me.

As for my writing style: I'll have you know that I _do_ write like this all the time. I'm not particularly accustomed to sending personal messages, so this is just my default way of typing. I never quite got into the whole 'emoticon' and 'text speak' culture.

Besides that, I am quite an aggressive person, at times. As you've seen even in these emails, I can be a bit volatile. To combat that, and prevent myself from saying anything revealing in the midst of an argument, I usually try and stay quiet and composed. Which means I don't get to have meaningful or passionate conversations very often, since I'm always on my guard.

So given the opportunity (like in these emails), I like being able to have a deep conversation whilst still being able to censor my emotions and edit myself before I blab something ridiculous. Not that I usually say ridiculous things, of course, but…it's just nice, isn't it? Getting to think over what you say before telling someone? It makes it feel more important – like this is _really_ what you want to say, not just what comes off the tip of your tongue in the heat of the moment. You have time to think it over, and choose your words – so even though you think I sound a little impersonal, to me it seems far more intimate. These are the thoughts that I really want to communicate to someone, but can never seem able to get out under normal circumstances.

Although, to be fair, I never talk about things like this under normal circumstances. So either way, you're getting a lot more from me than anyone else ever has. So despite my "textbook" narrative voice, to me this _does_ feel like loosening up. Frighteningly so. I suppose I'd like to thank you, too, for listening to/reading me (let's go with "reading" from now on, shall we?) and not pushing me away yet. I'm also looking forward to having a meaningful conversation with another teenager for once. God knows, they're hard enough to find.

And actually, the thought of getting to talk to another gay student and remain anonymous is a bit of a blessing, I must say. Even one who isn't entirely sure about their sexuality, like you. (As for myself, I'm bisexual: I'm attracted to both genders. Or at least, I _was_. Now, rather like yourself, I don't seem to be able to think about anyone in _that_ way except for Alfred.)

I'm also 'in the closet', as it were. I'm sure there are a few people around me who know, but they haven't asked and so I haven't confirmed it. It's not that I think they will turn me away – in fact, several of them are gay, themselves. But the information would doubtless spread, and it's the rest of the school that I'm worried about. (I know the staff told us to have faith in each other's compassion, but we can only have faith in their reactions to news such as that.)

Ever since I got here I've only like Alfred, so I don't want people taking the fact that I'm '_not straight_' and making all sorts of ridiculous, prejudiced judgements about me and my entire lifestyle. Liking _one_ particular person or gender doesn't change who you are and have always been, and shouldn't make people see you any differently than they would have, anyway. If a straight boy were to announce that he liked one certain girl, people wouldn't make a big fuss over his sexuality all of a sudden. They would take it for granted and move on. It's completely hypocritical, and I don't want to put myself through it. As you say, it's too unfair.

And considering who I am, I _know_ I would be ridiculed by most of the student body if I came out. Perhaps you have some close friends that you're underestimating? Although, in one of your previous emails, you made it sound like your friends would love to have you revealing your secrets to them, just so that they could get a one up on you. Those friends don't seem worth your time, to be honest, but I'm sure that that isn't the case with everyone else you know. You seem like a decent person so you must have _some_ people around whom you can trust? I don't have that luxury, I'm afraid, so I'm actually rather grateful for this email exchange project, to be perfectly honest (and pathetic…).

I know that my being gay doesn't change much about what you said regarding the Alfred situation. Yes, there are many other people vying for his attention, and he isn't gay so I am officially out of the running. I can assure you (in regards to your Arthur situation) that I am not the type of person that Alfred would ever choose either. So, as you say, I am only making myself miserable letting myself be so foolish.

However, I do have to contest one thing you said on the matter.

You seem to think that the only reason I would like Alfred is because he's popular.

Perhaps that's true for the majority of his fan club. It's awful, of course, but I can almost understand it, when the media has raised our generation to believe that popularity is the ultimate goal for which we should strive. We've been taught our entire lives to aim for popularity, and Alfred is a way to get it. They see being with him as achieving their dream lifestyle, so of course they're going to extrapolate that he must be their dream _man_. They are just mistaking attraction to a person for attraction to what he can give them. A foolish and shallow error, but sometimes I have to sit back, take a deep breath and remember that I'm not the typical teenager – _they_ are.

But anyway, just because lots of people like Alfred (and perhaps mainly for the popularity), it doesn't mean that _my_ feelings are any less than I make them out to be. I admit that that might seem hypocritical when I'm saying how serious _my_ feelings are whilst simultaneously putting down those of his fangirls. But I see them at school, fawning over him, and I can't help but think it's just lust. Lust for an attractive person, lust for popularity, the spotlight, to be the centre of the school's insular world. It is an attractive prospect, and Alfred makes it possible. But I don't think they realise that Alfred is a separate entity to that golden circle of school life. Yes, he is _at_ the centre of it, but he isn't the centre of it himself. He didn't make it, and he doesn't run it, either. Once he is gone, graduated, another Alfred will take his place, just as you say. And I don't think those girls would see much of a difference, or realise what they'd lost.

But I would. I, for one, realise that Alfred is a person – not just a role in the theatre of school life, like the way the others see him.

Yes, I find him attractive, of course. But I also just _like_ him. As an individual. I admit that I don't know him too well, but it is not, nor has it ever been, the infamous facts that draw me to Alfred, like I believe it is for those fangirls. Yes, he's the star quarterback, the lead in all the school productions, maintains good grades, and is from a rich family. And yes, he wouldn't be Alfred without those things, so I'm not dismissing them as nothing. But it's everything else, too. Not just those flamboyant details.

Perhaps I'm thinking too highly of myself. I mean, I really don't know him. It just feels like I do. Maybe there _are_ plenty of girls around him who see exactly what I see, and feel exactly how I feel – and I'm just being egotistical and arrogant about my feelings. But I simply can't help but think that their crushes don't have much weight to them.

The fangirls are so vocal and competitive about their feelings for Alfred, like the way people obsess over celebrities. You feel free to talk about it and make a fuss over it because it's not _real_ – these people don't actually exist, so you don't have to hide it. You like what you see on the surface, but there's no substance there, no real connection to another human being. You don't have to worry about putting your heart on the line, because you wouldn't be all that devastated if you were rejected. It's just a game, a bit of fun.

I think if any of them _really_ liked him, they would be a lot more shy about it. A lot more scared of being turned down.

I'm awfully sorry about how clichéd that all sounded. As you said, when you think about someone all the time and want to talk about them, having to bottle it all up inside is rather frustrating. And now it seems that the bottle has shattered and you're going to get drenched. I do apologise. But I am willing to listen to your Arthur-related gushing in return for your patience (and hopefully your lack of ridicule?).

Also, I very much appreciate your honesty and sense in deciding not to encourage me. It's not uncommon for people our age to want to hear about and give silly advice on other's relationship problems only to be able to derive entertainment from them and feel better about themselves. So thank you for being mature about this. And I agree: yes it is hopeless, and yes it is one of life's most trying problems – and the fact that I'm serious about it and not just another of his shallow fangirls makes it all the worse.

And on that delightful note: on to your Arthur situation, I suppose.

I must say that was a bit of a surprise. I mean, you could have said "I do drugs", or "I'm sleeping with my teacher", or "I have an illegitimate child secretly living with me in my dorm room" and I would have been less shocked.

I don't mean to say that it's as _bad_ as any of those things (I'm obviously happier you have _this_ to deal with, instead of any of those other problems). I'm just rather…intrigued as to what you see in him. I had no idea anyone could possibly see him in that way. He seems utterly unlikeable to me. I mean, I think he does a fine job as student president, and he is an upstanding student – but as a person…well, I can see why nobody bothers with him. So I was just taken aback by what you said; and certainly at the idea that you want to rant _more_ about him! I wouldn't have thought there was enough to say or like about him to warrant _any_ amount of 'spazzing'.

I feel it necessary to tell you that he does not have a crush on anyone. I heard it from Arthur himself. (I'm not close with him: it was just a random turn in an otherwise brief and official conversation we had.) I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I feel I should return the favour, seeing as you told me about Alfred.

I quite encourage you to give up on him, if I might be so bold as to suggest such a thing. I can assure you: you won't be missing out on much. But if you feel it necessary to talk about him to get it all out of your system before you move on, I will listen. It's the least I can do in return for your patience while I write about Alfred.

Also: "love"? Isn't that a bit strong of a word? I know it was hard enough for me to pick out the right way to describe my thing for Alfred ('crush' sounds so juvenile, but I don't hold much store by 'like') but I know 'love' is far too much for a couple of teenagers. Especially ones who barely know each other.

_Do_ you know Arthur? You made it sound like you didn't…

And why wouldn't he like you 'in a million years'? You seem perfectly nice to me. I realise that I don't know you all that well, but I know that you could do better than him. Anyone could. He'd be lucky to have you, so don't let yourself get down over his own stupidity. It's _not_ you – it's _entirely_ him.

(Just out of curiosity, what makes you think Arthur is gay?)

As for finding clues about my identity: could you _not_! I'm having to be careful enough as it is (my usual swear words are rather unique and you don't know how many times I've had to go back and replace them already) and I don't want to think about you going through these messages with a fine comb looking for hints! What's wrong with being anonymous?

And in regards to me being a good student, and _you_ an unruly hooligan: I don't see the problem. So I don't go around in hysterics at school all day. I am getting a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction out of my classes, and a wonderful foundation for my future career. Isn't that far more than enough?

And weren't you the one going on about 'being yourself'? I happen to _like_ taking school seriously and not staying out till 2 am doing God knows what. That's for university – everyone knows that. There's a time and a place, Hero. (And I only hope I can _live_ not knowing what thrilling adventures you got up to with your friends this weekend. I will try and carry on, though every day will be a struggle…)

And if you dare so much as _think_ I'm a softy again, I will be more than happy to educate you on your mistake.

Well, now it's your turn, I suppose.

Do write back. If you want to.

The Gentleman

(That's my codename. The Gentleman trumps The Hero, as he is an upstanding citizen _all_ the time, not just during a crisis.)


	9. Monday, 16 Jan, 22:19

22:19 – Monday, January 16th 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Hey "Gentleman!"<p>

No offense, but that's the gayest codename I've ever heard. You _do_ know that, right? And I mean gay in the lame way, not the homosexual way.

Sorry if it has some profound or emotional meaning to you – like your grandfather's dying wish was that you grow up to be a gentleman and make him proud or something. I actually really like it that you don't give a shit, and I know you're comfortable enough with yourself not to care what I think. I mean, obviously you _know_ that name sounds ridiculous, but you're gonna go ahead and do your own thing anyway. I respect that. Most people our age are way too worried about what other people think about them. They end up following all these arbitrary rules and becoming dependent on other people to tell them what to do, instead of making their own choices. Now THAT'S gay in the lame way.

And hey! Heroes aren't just heroes in a time of crisis! They're epic _all_ the time, that's why they're heroes! Think about it: Clark Kent doesn't go around being a dick 24/7, and only being good when he's Superman! The reason someone can be a hero is because they're fundamentally a good person. You don't see a bunch of Mr. Burns types rescuing people from burning buildings in real life, do you? "Hero" is a personality type!

I'm glad you're not too pissed off, but for what it's worth I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeally sorry for thinking you were a girl. You don't read like one and I'm sure you don't look or act like one in real life – but it's just when you said "I like a guy" my mind automatically thought you must be a girl. I didn't mean it as an insult or anything – it was just a natural assumption. (And there's no need to call _me_ girly sounding just to get revenge!)

I guess I should have taken the 'anonymous' thing into account when you apologized. Don't worry – I still think you're awesome anyway!

You thought I was a freshman? Dude, no way. I'm totally not a n00b around here. And since you know Feliks…I mean, I guess he's one of the popular kids so maybe you just know OF him, instead of actually knowing him, but still you picked HIM out so…that must mean YOU'RE a junior, too! Wow, that's insane! Maybe we're even in the same class! It makes me feel even worse that I don't know you! How could I overlook someone so nice and understanding (and bad-tempered)?

I _have_ been told I'm a little naïve – though people usually use the words "ignorant" and "oblivious." So what if I'm rich? Most people at this school are hella wealthy, it's not THAT unusual for us. And as for popularity, I do okay. But no matter how many or how few friends you have, social life is always gonna cause worries for people our age. Even for the people you least expect.

(I get so deep when writing to you! I hope I don't sound too stupid or pretentious. I don't mean to get all philosophical, and I'm not pretending to know what I'm talking about – these are just things I think, you know?)

I hadn't actually thought of it like that – even though you're writing all properly, we're still talking about personal things that we never say to anyone else. You're sneaky – you write all serious to hide the fact that you're being really emo. How do you do that? It's so mature!

And dude, don't worry: I'm not gonna push you away _ever_. If you ever want to stop talking to me, that's your call, but _I_ won't ditch _you_. I like talking to you about super serial stuff too, so thank you for reading me! It makes me really happy for some reason. I'm legitimately smiling right now. I like having a friend I can talk to about this stuff! I've never had anyone that close to me except my brother. I don't mind that we don't know each other in real life – sure, it kinda feels like cheating, to only be close to someone online so you don't have to worry about getting rejected, but it seems like this is the best way of getting to know you: you'd never have told me all this stuff if we met in person.

It's weird when you think about. Usually being anonymous online means people feel free to be total dicks, but we are rocking the shit out of it! I mean, there was even this pop up I got on tumblr – you can click a box that says "do you want to allow anonymous posts" and if you click "yes" it says like "Use at your own risk: anonymity can be fun, but can also bring out the worst in people." Well, we sure showed THEM!

So a "don't ask don't tell" policy, huh? So if I ran around the school asking every guy if they were gay then eventually I would run into you – would you tell me then?

Dude, I totally know what you mean about coming out! About not wanting to tell people 'cause they're gonna make a bunch of assumptions. I don't wanna generalize, and maybe there's some people I am underestimating, but I know for sure that a lot of people around me would think the whole world had turned upside down if I said I liked a guy. I don't know why they think a person's sexuality is so crucial to their perception of that person, or what MY sexuality has to do with THEIR lives, but they would freak out and that would just piss me off: why should _I_ have to deal with _them_ being stupid? So I'm not gonna bother telling anyone unless I have to.

And I don't think I will. Arthur is the only guy I've ever liked, and the only guy I'm ever _gonna_ like, I'm pretty sure – and he won't ever like me back so that's the end of that. I tried looking at some other guys, not just people at school but like celebrities and stuff, and I tried to think "Okay, what about this guy? Would you go out with him? Make out with him?" It just felt so wrong! I barely even think about girls that way anymore, although I can at least notice when a celebrity is looking hot in a movie. My world just revolves around Arthur…in the least creepy way possible…

"Considering who you are" people would make fun of you for coming out? So I'm guessing you're not one of the popular kids. Not your fault – people are just stupid. Popularity isn't based on anything really worthwhile about a person. If it was, you'd be totally popular!

I do have some close friends who I would tell about being bi, and I'll totally tell my brother some time, even if it nothing ever happens with Arthur and I never like another guy. I just haven't told any of them yet because they would all try and encourage me to go after Arthur, and it would just be a constant reminder of what I can't have. I know they'd just be trying to help me out, but it would be kind of depressing…I don't wanna tell them and make them think I want their encouragement. They'd be hurting me without realising it, so even though I _do_ trust them, I won't put them through that.

But yeah, as for most of the people I hang out with, that's all it is: hanging out. (My closest friends aren't even IN that circle of students…) I call the people I just hang out with "friends" 'cause it's the easiest word to use and I don't wanna offend them. But once we graduate I won't miss them too much, and that's not really what I would consider a "friend". I know it sounds super harsh, but honestly they won't miss me either, when they get out into the real world and see that World Academy life isn't all there is. And you're right – they're the kind of people who want me spilling my guts to them just so they could brag about it to each other. "He told ME first, instead of YOU." What are we, 5?

And dude, you don't sound pathetic! I know how hard it is to talk like this to someone, so I'm totally grateful for this email project, too! I would never have got to know you otherwise, and that would have sucked, even if I didn't realize I was missing anything!

Anyway, it seems that we have a routine where we talk about your stuff first and then me after. So let's do that.

You said "Ever since I got here I've only like Alfred" – so does that mean you liked him from freshman year? I thought he was such a dumbass back then! I can't believe you liked him even in first year!

The being gay thing kinda makes it seem impossible, huh. So your gaydar says Alfred is totally straight? (I think my gaydar is broken. I can never tell…)

It makes me feel really bad because, like you said, it can't happen. For either of us – me and Arthur _or_ you and Alfred. First there's the sexuality problem, but then also they wouldn't like us ANYWAY. It sucks when your heart wants someone it just can't have – why would our hearts do that to us?

Speaking of, why do you think Alfred would never like you? For what it's worth, you seem awesome to me. So aside from the whole sexuality thing, what makes you think he wouldn't like you?

And before you go getting all self-deprecating again I _never_ said you were being foolish. You can't help it that you like someone. And it's _never_ wrong or stupid to like anyone, even if they seem unattainable.

So if you don't like Alfred because he's popular, what _do_ you seem in him? I mean, I'm not asking for you to list everything you like about him – you don't have to try and convince me of the things you think because that's just what love does to you: you think someone's totally awesome when really they're just anybody. I was just wondering, 'cause you really don't seem like the type of person to fall for his charms. I mean you have a brain. So you know his popularity is worthless, and not based off anything important about him.

I know you said you don't know him too well, but you've at least talked to him, right? So maybe you know him a _little_? It's just that a lot of girls who confess to him barely even know him and some haven't ever talked to him before they just came up and confessed. So I'm just wondering if you've made like an informed decision about him or liked him from a far in secret or what.

'Cause you _do_ sound like you're a lot more genuine about it than the fangirls. Like you actually see him as a person instead of the character of "the popular guy in school." I totally agree with what you said about the fangirls. Not to put them down or anything, but yeah, they don't seem to treat it like it's _real_. They go around being so loud and obvious about it, not thinking about how they might get hurt or how awkward it must be for Alfred. I mean, sure it must be nice having girls say they like you so much, but then you have to turn them down and that's not nice.

I kinda wish they would just leave Alfred alone. I mean, I'm not his best friend or anything, but looking at it objectively, from the outside, it seems like it must suck. When I was a freshman I really wanted to be popular. But now that I've seen what happened to Alfred, I've changed my mind…

I mean, I could understand it if people just _liked_ Alfred: he's a nice enough guy, so it would make sense for people to want to be friendly with him. And that would be fun, if popularity was like that. But for some reason, they treat him like an untouchable idol – a celebrity, just like you said. Someone who's different and above them, someone who's not _real_.

But he's a frickin _person_! When did they forget that he's just another academy student EXACTLY like them? It makes me really understand why Harry Potter was so emo about his situation: it must suck, to be under all that pressure and have people look up to you like that, but you're not sure what they expect you to _do_ and you don't know what to say to convince them that you're not really special.

I mean, it's got to the point where girls who don't even _know_ Alfred have told him that they "love" him! And that's just so sad! Alfred ends up hurting these girls without wanting to, because they've convinced themselves he's so special that when he turns them down they're frickin crushed! But you can't love someone you don't even know – they _know_ that, so why they do go all insane for Alfred? You're _so_ right when you say they treat him the same way they think about celebrities and movie stars! I mean, people say they "love" Johnny Depp or Megan Fox without a second thought – but do they realize how weird it would sound saying that to their _face_? They would never go saying that to a 'normal person' unless they really knew them – so why is it okay to say it to celebrities?

I guess it goes along with what you said about the fact that people only like Alfred so much because the media told them they have to be popular. Movie stars are popular, so people love them. Alfred is popular, so he's like a movie star and people love _him_. I'd never really thought about it before, but it made total sense what you said. I used to be so confused about why Alfred was such a big deal. Now I understand why people think he's so important – even though I still don't know WHY or HOW he became so popular.

Urg, this is why I hate that celebrity culture. We hero-worship people who haven't even done anything to deserve it – just because they're popular and we're told that's the most important thing. We need to snap out of it and start respecting people who actually mean something.

I don't think _your_ feelings are fake just because Alfred is, though – that's not what I mean. I'm sure you do like him for whatever reason. And I'm glad at least one person can see him as a normal person and still find something to like about him.

It's just that most people only like the image they've built of him in their head, I think. And even though it means you care more and it hurts more, I'm glad you don't think like that, like everyone else does. You understand that yes, he's popular at school – but that doesn't mean he _generates_ popularity! He can't _give_ anyone anything, and once he's left the academy he'll have to start all over as a nobody! I hope he can manage – maybe he's become so used to being popular at school that he's gonna have a hard time adjusting to life in the real world. So many years stuck in that lifestyle he has here can't be good for a person.

Like I said, I don't know Alfred too well – this is just what I've been thinking for a while. The celebrity hero-worshipping stuff really gets to me, I guess, so I think about the school's "golden circle" a lot.

Anyway, you seem like a really thoughtful, intelligent person so I'm sure Alfred would feel really bad about turning you down (I don't think he cares too much with the fangirls. I'd be kind of weirded out by them, if I was him.) But I'm sure you can find someone else eventually. We've only got one year left here and I'm sure you'll find a lot more interesting people than Alfred out there. Just hold on!

So, I hope you don't mind, but now I'm gonna rant about Arthur! I'm so excited!

Yeah, I don't think many students would ever realize someone could have a crush on Arthur. But I don't know why it's so shocking! I don't know why nobody else sees in him what I do! I mean yeah he's totally grouchy all the time, he yells at everyone, and acts like a total dick but…Wait, where was I going with this? XD

I'm kidding! People _think_ all those things about him. "The student body president with a stick up his ass." That's what they see. But it's like you said with Alfred – that's only the public persona. Why don't they see how hardworking and thoughtful and creative he is? I mean, he's student body president for a reason! He's really good at that stuff – being all organized, and planning awesome events that everyone loves. He does so much for us without asking anything in return! But still people treat him like the devil just because he can be a bit hard to deal with. Maybe he's just freakin stressed 'cause he has all this work and no one helps him, and he has no one to vent to because everyone avoids him because he works all the time. It's a vicious circle!

Also, I'm sure his older brothers didn't do him any favors. I mean, first of all, I remember when we were freshman here and Scott was a senior, and he made Arthur the laughing stock of our entire grade. And even _before_ that, his brothers told embarrassing stories about him and they got passed down the school over the years, so that by the time Arthur actually got here, people were already making fun of his sewing and his unicorn obsession. It must be hard to make friends in those circumstances, because nobody wants to get stuck with someone who's already been labelled a loser. You'd be killing your own opportunities then.

It's just…URG! It just makes me so mad when people badmouth him and say he's a jerk or a freak, when really that's what they _decided_ he is! Like they decided Alfred's gonna be the school's idol, they decided Arthur's gonna be the school douchebag, just 'cause he got off to a bad start. It's totally unfair! They're not even giving him a chance! And he has no friends to defend him!

God, I wish I could just go up to him and be his friend. He should have SOMEONE, for fuck sakes! He deserves someone to stick up for him, and I wish it could be me!

But that's impossible. For reasons I can't explain because of the whole anonymity thing…

Basically he hates my guts and it tears me apart. Especially 'cause I can't do anything about it. If I went up and tried to make friends after all this time…Jesus, everyone would just go apeshit. _And_ he'd never believe it, anyway. He'd think I was just playing a trick on him or something.

Can't a guy change? Can't a young freshman be a little confused when he meets a cool, mature British guy and starts to feel really weird around him, so he lashes out like a kid in a playground, tugging the pigtails of the girl he has a crush on?

Is that so weird? No! It's natural! And yet now after three years it's just gotten worse and I can't do jack shit to change it!

So he doesn't like anyone? I'm kind of relieved. I mean, I KNOW he could never like ME, but at least he doesn't like anyone else instead. …Does that make me a bad person?

I could never just give up on him, though. Even though I know it's stupid and hopeless and I'm only screwing myself over by holding on to nothing, I just can't _stop_. It's not that easy. I _really_ like him. Fine, maybe "love" is a bit too strong – and I guess it's hypocritical to be all "Alfred's fangirls can't say they LOVE him", but then turn around and say I LOVE Arthur.

But I think I _could_ love him. If we ever got to be together, I think we would fall in love and be really good together. I think we _should_ be together. So what if we're teenagers to begin with? One day we wouldn't be, and then I'd…well, I don't wanna sound weird. I don't really know him. But it's like you said – it _feels_ like I do.

So thanks, but nothing you say you is gonna make me give up how I feel and move on.

And I don't wanna sound like a psycho or anything, but don't ever talk like that about Arthur again. "You could do better than him" and stuff? That's not you, Gentleman. You're a decent person, you shouldn't be saying that about a guy you don't even know. If you have a reason to hate him so much, then fair enough. But if you're just gonna be prejudiced and badmouth him just because everyone else does, then I can't email you anymore.

And besides, it's not true. Arthur is one of the most amazing people I'll ever meet. I may be young, but I know that already. If he ever looked at me the way I look at him, I'd feel so proud. _I'd_ be the one who is lucky to have _him_. God, it would be amazing.

Why do I think he might be gay? Well, it was the unicorns and sewing thing and all the stuff his brothers told everyone I guess. The fact that he's never had a girlfriend isn't too surprising, since he's never been too popular. But like I said, I don't really know if I have gaydar – I can't just look at someone and tell if they're gay or straight. I've heard that gay people can do that, but maybe it doesn't work for bisexual people, so that's why I can't do it? I dunno, I'm kind of glad I can't tell someone's sexuality at first glance, anyway – I wouldn't want that to affect how I think about someone. I want to treat everyone exactly the same, no matter what details I know about their private lives and preferences.

Well, I think I DID find out some clues about you from your last email. Sorry, but it's way too fun trying to figure out who you are! First of all, I think we've established that we're both juniors, right? The plot thickens!

I kinda have a guess about who you might be. The way you talk, and how shy but thoughtful you seem to be…The crush on Alfred makes me think twice about it but…I dunno, I was kinda thinking you might be Kiku Honda? Do you know him?

Oh, wait, now I think about it, you're way too angry and horrible to be Kiku. Never mind. (And 'cause you're secretly a softy I can say mean things like that and I know you won't actually hurt me! XP Besides, you don't know who I am, so your empty threats don't scare me!)

I think it's awesome that you like school. I actually love some of my classes, but I don't broadcast it too much. I should take my own advice and stop worrying about what other people think so much, but I just feel kinda nervous telling people how much I love science. It's the kind of thing we're always taught to keep to ourselves, you know? You don't wanna look like you actually ENJOY physics! Even though I really do! What's _your_ favourite subject, anyway? And you're already thinking about college? Any specific plans yet? I was kinda surprized you were all for drinking and partying at college - you are full of surprises! You might actually be way more fun than you sound.

And dude, if you really wanna know what I did at the weekend THAT bad then I'll tell you. It will have to be a censored version so you don't get too many big clues about my identity, but I don't want you to lose any sleep over it!

Now I'm so curious about who got Gilbert! I hope they prank him good! Give him a taste of his own medicine – that'll be hilarious!

So, I guess that's it for now. I could go on about Arthur some more, but I've seriously been writing for ages! I'm so tired! I swear I didn't even take this long on my homework OTL But it's like you said, I wanna tell you what I'm _really_ thinking, so I always try hard to choose the right words.

Gay ending is gay…I'm not an after school special, I swear.

Anyway TTYL! Have a good day at school tomorrow XD

The Hero!


	10. Tuesday, 17 Jan, 11:58

11:58 – Tuesday, January 17th 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>I honestly don't know how offended to be by your first babbling paragraph. Blindingly furious, frustratingly annoyed, just plain bewildered…I think I'll settle for "not giving a shit", as you seem bizarrely impressed by that. Luckily, it comes naturally to me – so don't think I'm acting cool just to impress you. It's literally no effort at all for me.<p>

I don't know why the idea of being a gentleman is so "gay". When is it ever _in_appropriate to act like a decent human being? Also, girls rather like it, which is decidedly _not_ gay, as far as I'm aware.

I won't dignify your 'Junior' guess with an answer. Just because _you're_ stupid enough to admit these things, doesn't mean _I_ am. But I will say this much: _stop fucking looking for clues!_ This isn't a detective game! And believe me, you don't want to _make_ it one: you would lose. I could figure out your identity before you got mine, I can promise you that.

And as for the Kiku guess: you're a moron. I doubt that he would talk like this even with his closest friends. He's always so effortlessly and naturally composed, the lucky bastard – whereas I have to work _so_ hard to stay calm and poised sometimes.

It's so odd to see him and Alfred together, don't you think? Two such polar opposites, and yet they seem to get along quite well, outside of that golden circle of Alfred's usual entourage. Kiku seems to be one of Alfred's genuine friends. It almost gives me a tiny bit of hope that Alfred wouldn't reject _me_ just because we're different – if he can get along with Kiku, then maybe he could get along with me? If we hadn't got off to such a rough start, anyway…

And if I may just continue addressing the end of your last email before I carry on with today's message: yes, I think you _should_ start practising what you preach. "Be yourself" and "stop worrying what other people think", and all that. If you like Physics, fucking tell everyone then! Who _cares_ what they would say about it? It's hardly an earth-shattering piece of information (no offense). And if _you_ are hiding something like that, don't you think everyone _else_ is, too? If everybody were honest for a change, I think you'd find we all have little secrets like that. (Not that I want any more occasions for us to have to be honest. Just talking between you and I is _more_ than enough for me; I don't want to have to add any more people or secrets into the mix!)

At any rate, _my_ favourite subject is no secret: I like Literature Studies. Can't stand the sciences, myself, nor maths. They are interesting, of course, I'm just not a fan because, personally, I'm not very adept at them. I'll put up with them, though, because I do enjoy school in general, and I know we are getting the best of the best education here at the Academy.

Despite that, however, you manage to be a double-moron for not recognising sarcasm when you see it. I actually couldn't care less what you did at the weekend. Surely you can tell I was being sarcastic, even through writing?

And I won't tell you who got Gilbert – it was told to me in confidence, so I will keep the secret.

And now, back to the beginning of your email.

I don't think you sound ignorant or oblivious, or pretentious or stupid, for that matter (well, maybe that last one sometimes). Just a little idealistic and naïve, and slightly hopelessly romantic…None of them are too bad when taken in small doses, but I worry that if you let yourself live on those three things alone, you'll find the world outside the Academy a very harsh place, indeed. A healthy dose of realism and cynicism might not do you wrong. And so I won't abandon you either, because you obviously need my help with that. Aren't I kind.

And you're too right I wouldn't have told you any of this shit in person! But I know what you mean – sometimes it does, miraculously, make me feel a bit lighter to get all this stupid stuff off my chest in these emails. And I find myself wanting to tell you about other things sometimes, too. Things that aren't big or important, things that don't even qualify as secrets – but little things that I just never get to say out loud.

Like I'm really looking forward to The Hobbit movie. I usually don't trust movie adaptations, but I can't help being excited about this movie because it's the fucking Hobbit! And when we had houtou for dinner last night, mine didn't have any pumpkin pieces in it, and I was highly annoyed. And this morning I could have sworn I saw Ludwig and Feliciano holding hands when I left my dorm early, but that's impossible, right?

Anyway, it's not like I have nobody to talk to. I just wanted to make sure you knew I think about other things besides Alfred. That's all.

So you would go around the entire male student population asking everyone if they were gay, just to root me out? Well, a) how would you know I wouldn't lie?; b) how would _I _know you were _you_, and not just some nosy bastard? Also, I think it would be a little bit suspect to go round asking people if they were gay…If you're going to start taking a census, do try and be a little more subtle about it, won't you.

As for the gaydar thing – I think you're taking it a little too seriously. Everybody is said to have the innate ability to make an accurate guess at someone's sexual preference – it doesn't matter what your own orientation happens to be. It's said that gay people are better at judging it than straight people, but that's largely just another stereotype. Besides, Elizaveta is the best at that game. It's scary, actually…

And as for Alfred, I'm undecided. _I_ think he's straight, but whenever I mention that, Elizaveta always gives me the most infuriating _look_. I _do_ think he might be one of those people who is happy to do a little experimenting in university, so perhaps he's just bicurious. (Those lucky future dormmates…)

So you have a brother you're very close to, and you feel comfortable telling him about your sexuality? More importantly: you have _a brother_, eh? See how easy you make this for me? I suggest that if you don't want me digging at your real identity, you stop trying to figure out mine. I'll call a truce if you will.

But all jokes(/threats) aside, it sounds wonderful to have a brother like that, let alone those close friends you mentioned. I mean, as I said, I have friends here (honestly). I don't spend much time with them _at_ school, during breaks and lunch and so on. And I'm also very committed to my extra-curricular activities, so I don't hang out with them constantly after school, either. So we're not your usual group of teenage friends. But no matter how little time we actually spend together, I know that they're absolutely there for me, and they make sure I will never feel completely alone.

We've known each other a long time, you see – we're all legacies here at the Academy, so our parents were classmates, as were their parents before them, and so on and so forth. So we've all been family friends since birth, and I've sort of grown up with them. I suppose we're more like family than friends, really: even if we have little in common as individuals, we're loyal to each other, and always will be. So even if we only pass a few words a week here, I know that our friendship is lasting and dependable, and it's a great comfort. As awful people as they are, I am very grateful for them. Just don't ever tell them that…

And I suppose, to be completely truthful and ruin my goody-two-shoes reputation for a moment, we do have some things in common. If the tendency to enjoy getting completely hammered together counts for anything…I don't do it so much at the Academy because of my position, but at home during the hols, I bet I could give you a run for your money any day in the "wild weekend" department.

But I would like a proper brother like yours. He sounds like someone with whom you just feel implicitly happy and comfortable. Which is a completely alien dynamic in _my_ household. I may or may not have siblings, and they may or may not be complete arseholes (which would be "assholes", if you're using butchered English). I _suppose_ they've gotten better in recent years, but they have a lot of making up to do for all those years of childhood trauma.

Why don't you spend more time with your _real_ friends, may I ask? Is it a 'popular people' thing that I wouldn't understand? You don't sound like the kind of person who would ditch _real_ friends at school just because they're 'uncool' and you want a good reputation. So I have to wonder what makes you think you have to hang around with some obvious dumb arses at school, when you have people you genuinely _like_ right there in front of you. I trust you know what you're doing, but just make sure they don't feel left out or second best to those popular idiots, alright? You don't want to lose the important ones, no matter how you feel about the others.

And no, if popularity were based on anything worthwhile, I still wouldn't be in the golden circle. I don't mean to sound self-deprecating – I'm quite happy with who I am. I'm just fully aware that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. But still, thank you for what you said.

So, pleasantries over; now is the point where I turn into a complete tool whilst blathering on about my high school love life, or lack thereof, right?

"Ever since I got here…" Yes, I suppose I _did_ say that. But don't mistake me: it's not like I fell in love with Alfred at first sight or anything. It was just…rather early on in the school year. And yes, he was in freshman year, and yes, he was a bit of a dumb arse. No arguments there. Although, I don't think many people would agree with you on that one. They all adored him from the get-go, it seemed.

But believe me, I was thoroughly appalled at myself when I realised _I_ had become just another sucker to fall under Jones' spell. I don't mean to sound pompous, but as you say, I "have a brain", and I expected myself to want a little more out of a love interest than a pretty face. But then I fell for it, just like everyone else. I was furious!

And so I suppose I lashed out, too. Like you said you did with Arthur. I got annoyed at myself for falling for Jones' charms, so I took it out on him because it was definitely _his_ fault. _I _wasn't stupid enough to like someone as shallow and ordinary as him, so it's obvious that _he_ did it to me just to torment me!

And that would be why, sexual orientations aside, he could never like me anyway. I wasn't particularly kind to him, and I don't blame him for disliking me. I just resented him all freshman year, and was completely caught up with hating him and cursing his very existence for making me like him, despite everything.

But then I couldn't help…not exactly _watching_ him (I don't want to come across as a stalker because I'm _not_) but, well, as you probably know, when you really like someone you can't help it if your attention just sort of hones in on them rather frequently. And without realising, I often found myself paying attention to him, and I started noticing what type of person he really was. And it wasn't at all what I expected from the 'popular jock' stereotype.

I wasn't in his immediate circle of popular friends, or the outer circle of his admirers, so I wasn't caught up in the bravado and limelight that would prevent me from looking objectively. And so I began to realise what he was like as a _person_ – not just as a vessel for that popular kid persona. I'd willed myself to ignore him for so long, in hopes that my feelings would go away, but the more time went on, the more I noticed what he was like _outside_ of the golden circle.

And the things I love to see about Alfred happen when he's _not_ at the centre of attention. Because when nobody's watching him and he can just act naturally and truly be himself, Alfred is the most [insert adjective that doesn't come from the vocabulary of a 6 year old girl] person I've ever seen. I've seen him try and act charming when all eyes are on him, and I much prefer it when he's doing it of his own accord, and not because he has to live up to his reputation. It's much more real, and he looks a lot happier and more genuine doing it. It makes it so evident that he can be a sincere and wonderful person just for the sake of it – not only when he has to try to live up to his status and stay in everyone's good books, but because he genuinely _is_ that nice.

And then I realised it might not be so bad to like someone like him.

And as his true colours became more and more apparent to me, I was able to see how much of an _act_ he put on sometimes – trying _too hard _to live up to that role of the popular boy in class.

Granted, that wasn't so much in freshman year. He was quite happy to ride that golden reputation at first. But some time during sophomore year, I began to notice these things. How he'd already started to look weary of being popular.

And I've sort of felt sorry for him ever since. He just doesn't seem to suit that shallow, popular kid role, in my opinion. I mean, he ticks all the right boxes for it, but I think he could be so much more than that. And I think _he_ knows that, too. It's a shame really, that he's gotten stuck in that rut, or doesn't realise he could change his life for the better. Maybe he really does think being popular is the most important thing, but…I don't know, I have an inkling that he might be smarter and more mature than he lets on. Not to give him too much credit, but yes, I think that there's more to Alfred F. Jones than meets the eye, and I'm rather glad that I, for one, can see it.

So that's the answer to your question. Why don't I like Alfred just for the popularity? What do I see in him? I see what I like to think is the book behind the cover, and it's even more captivating than the exterior lets on.

I know I sound like a blithering idiot saying these things when I've made it clear that I don't know him closely, and all our interactions in the past have been negative. But I think you, of all people, understand where I'm coming from on this issue. How it's possible to do _both_ of the things you said: make an informed decision about someone, _and_ like them in secret from afar. Sometimes you don't have to be in someone's intimate circle to know them, even if just a little. We have all spent several years at this school together, after all – not just working together, but participating in clubs and events, as well as eating and living and spending holidays together. At the Academy, we are _forced_ to get to know and tolerate each other 24/7 – so whether I'm friends with someone or not, the likelihood is I still know a lot about them.

The beauty and the curse of boarding school…

But you know, I think you are being overly hard on Alfred for being the popular boy in school.

If I didn't know any better I'd think you were just jealous of his status. Trying to belittle popularity just so that you can pretend to yourself that you're _happy_ not being in his position, because it's not that great anyway.

Whether or not that's the case, I don't like the thought of you going around thinking less of Alfred simply because of how everything has turned out for him. As you say, he's more a celebrity than anything else, and that's something that _other_ people have made possible. You can't make _yourself_ a celebrity out of thin air (reality TV and viral videos not withstanding…). You said it yourself: people _decided_ that Arthur is the school joke, and people _decided_ that Alfred is the idol. Neither of them seems to have had much say in the matter. So it's not that Alfred has forced himself into the limelight without having any worth or substantial qualities to him. It's just something that's happened based on qualities which _other_ people have deemed important. That doesn't mean to say he doesn't possess any other redeeming features.

So although you see that popularity isn't all it's cracked up to be, you also shouldn't look at Alfred like a brainless, shallow attention seeker. You only think that Alfred is fake because the image everyone casts of him is purely of their own invention. But I'm sure that if you got to know him better, you'd find that he is a real person, after all.

He's (almost) as much of a victim as Arthur, I would say. But still, I would rather be in Alfred's position of being pointlessly adored, than in Arthur's of being pointlessly hated.

But that's the crux of the issue, isn't it? If your prison is made of gold, people will call you ungrateful for trying to escape.

Although saying that, I think that his issue of having _too many girls_ throwing themselves at him is the lesser of popularity's evils. Yes, having someone say that they "love" you is a bit weird, and having to turn down so many people would get a bit depressing. But just for the record, I don't think Alfred _has_ to turn them all down. I mean, even if he wasn't up for dating _all_ the hottest and cleverest and richest teenage girls from around the world, he could just pick _one_ nice girl and get everyone else off his case! Senseless hero-worship may have its silent hazards, but I can't really find any sympathy for him on _this_ one.

And just a quick comment: I think it's a bit rich that you scoff at the celebrity hero-worshipping culture and then make your codename in these emails 'The Hero'. Rather hypocritical, don't you think?

Thank you for your faith in my future love life, I'm sure. But I'm not ready to move on and forget about him yet. It just seems a bit fucking frustrating to have had these feelings forced on me for so long and to have to let them wither away – as if I hadn't just wasted years of my life preoccupied with the angsty teenage agony that accompanied them. What was the point, if nothing's to come of it at all? Not that I would ever _do_ anything about it, of course, I just mean that it's irritating.

So, now that I'm sure I've thoroughly exhausted your patience on the topic of Alfred, let's move on to Arthur, shall we?

First and foremost, I'm sorry for what I said about him. (Good Lord, I'm apologising again. The end is nigh.)

You're right: I have no call to say such things about anyone, whether I know them or not. And it's honestly not like me to be so harsh. I don't even have a reason to hate him. I suppose I just started letting myself believe what everyone said about him. Silly of me, really. I'm usually quite good at thinking for myself, but when so many people tell you something, you start believing it sometimes. And "Arthur Kirkland is a loser" is one of those somethings.

But I suppose he must have some good points about him, if someone such as you likes him. I don't really see it myself, but I suppose that's my problem.

Although I whole-heartedly agree on one thing: I've always rather appreciated his efforts as student president, I must say. No matter what I said about him before, I do think we need to give him more credit in that particular department. I mean, usually juniors are never voted in as president! It was quite an achievement. Rather like Alfred's appointment as quarterback, despite the position usually going to a senior. Not to mention how he always gets the lead in the school productions, even though seniors are supposed to be given those roles. It seems that we both like a pair of overachievers. Well, they tell us to aim high…

Yes, I heard those stories passed down by his brothers. I'm afraid I can't talk about it too much, because it makes me so homicidally angry. It was just awful of them, wasn't it? I mean, everyone laughs, but shouldn't they be horrified? How could anyone do that to their younger brother? And how can we LET them do it? The new students shouldn't let the stories continue, and pass them round amongst themselves – they should be trying to put a stop to such injustice! I'm very passionate on this issue, due to my own older brothers who may or may not exist/be total arseholes.

But don't worry: I'm sure he has _some_ friends around the school, even if he doesn't look overly social. I assume that his student council work just keeps him too busy to go out socialising that much, so people never _see_ him relaxing and infer that he has no friends.

So you started liking Arthur when you were a freshman? And you thought he was 'cool' and 'mature'? Even despite _everything_ everyone was saying about him? That's rather a feat, I must say. I feel proud of you for some strange reason.

I don't know who you are Hero (apart from someone who chooses the most God awful embarrassing codenames…) but I can already picture you as the kid in the playground pushing a girl to show that he likes her, and then getting confused when she runs away crying. It would be adorable except that you're a teenager…

Also, and I don't mean to depress you or anything, but I rather think that counts as bullying. Even if you didn't know why you were doing it, and it was because you liked the person, _they_ wouldn't know that, and it would still hurt them, regardless. I'm sure Arthur didn't care that much; he looks like he can handle some stupid bullying. I'm only telling you so that you know not to let yourself do it in the future.

Honestly I think that not wanting Arthur to be happy with anyone else is a little more 'creepy' than it is 'bad.' (I mean, so long as you never _do_ anything about it, because _then_ it would be very bad – as in, prison time bad.) But, well, you can sign me in to the creeper club, because I sort of know how you feel. It's not like I'm obsessed with Alfred or anything, but I do have a bit of a jealous personality. And seeing him surrounded by beautiful girls who can all make a move on him so freely…it's a bit frustrating.

I'm sorry if you felt I was belittling your feelings by telling you to "stop" liking Arthur. I know how much that would aggravate me if someone gave me the same advice. (In fact, didn't that exact scenario happen a few paragraphs ago?) I suppose I hadn't taken into account the fact that you might be convinced that you really do like him.

But at least hold on, Hero. In a year and a half you will leave the Academy behind, and get a fresh start at university, and I think that will help you move on. I'm not saying it won't be sad and difficult to have to give up the life and feelings you have now. But the fact is that you _have_ to move on. We both do. If you literally can't have the person you want, then getting to move away from them is a positive thing in the long run. It's not good for either of us to dwell on these stupid, unrequited feelings, and I think leaving the Academy behind will be good for us in that regard.

Although, if you're anything like me, you won't know whether you even _want_ to move on…

I think it's very sweet of you to believe in a relationship like that: where you don't even know each other but you feel that you're meant to be. I hesitate to say that I'm a complete romantic _myself_, but I think that there should be more of that in the world. I didn't even realise there was anyone who actually thought that way in real life – I assumed such people only existed in cheesy romance novels and trashy chick flicks. You never cease to surprise me, Hero. (Or to make me question your age and gender.)

Fuck, is that the time? I didn't even hear the bell ring! I just had a free period and decided to email you, and now I only have two minutes to get to my next class. Must dash.

The Gentleman


	11. Tuesday, 17 Jan, 23:35

23:35 – Tuesday, January 17th 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>…Dude, you're totally a junior. I think it's hilariousadorable how you're still trying to pretend you aren't.

I also used my amazing powers of deduction to figure out that you're probably a native English speaker, probably British, and you're totally bffs with Elizaveta. How's THAT for playing the detective game! I guess, what I'm trying to say is: bring it, Sherlock.

Speaking of gay (lol Get it! 'Cause Sherlock and Watson are so gay!) I _know_ you're not doing the "gentleman" thing to get the girls, so don't pretend it's like part of your "game" or something. I don't think trying to _be_ a gentleman is so bad (actually I'd like to see how it works in the 21st century), I just meant it's pretty gay to go around _calling_ yourself that.

BUT before you get all indignant on me: that's just what I thought _at first_. But after I wrote it and then read your reply, I thought about it – and I realized two things.

1. You obviously don't go around _calling_ yourself a gentleman in real life otherwise I would have heard people ripping the hell out of "that guy who calls himself a gentleman." So actually, you're not being gay in the lame way, after all. It's just one of those secret things you only tell _me_ (*proud face*), so I'm sorry for betraying your trust like that and making fun of you. I feel like a dick.

And then I thought: maybe you're like me. The codename you chose is something you aspire to be, but you think people would tease you if you said it out loud, so you keep it a secret. Even though it's something that influences you a lot.

So I'm sorry for being a hypocrite, too. For calling you gay in the lame way, when actually I do the same thing you do. I just didn't realize at first because you use a different word to me. But "gentleman" or "hero" – it's all the same. It doesn't matter what it is, it's something that we both work for to try and make us the people we want to be. (The people Alfred and Arthur might actually like?)

So I guess now would be a good time to explain my 'hero' codename. (I'd assume you would get pissed off at me for deviating from the chronological order of the email, but you did it first, so obviously it's fine.)

My hero obsession isn't about the celebrity heroes. I admit that it used to be, back in freshman year and junior high. And before that it was _super_heroes. I've always had a fascination with heroes, I guess. They're just…well they're the best people aren't they? HEROES. What's better than that? I always wanted to be a hero. I'm sure everyone does, but I was really determined. I actively tried. A lot. My parents have _so_ many stories…

Superhero would be my first choice, because then you get to save the day over and over AND have awesome powers. I gotta admit, I still hold out some hope of getting into a radioactive accident one day and mutating some super strength or the ability to fly. Or both! *fingers crossed*

But by junior high I started to realize that while I wait around to have my fateful run in with some nuclear waste, celebrities were the next best thing. Looking back, I feel dumb, but it's not that strange I guess. Everyone loves actors. We confuse them for the people they play on screen, and because they're _chosen_ to be those amazing roles we think they must be awesome people themselves. But really it's just their job. I see that now. It's easy to think they're different when they're the people we read about, and hear about, and talk about like they're mythical creatures, above us mere mortals. It's kinda fascinating and sad, don't you think? Why is our culture like that? It's so weird.

So junior high I put the superhero thing on the top shelf, and tried to make myself a hero through popularity. I was convinced I already _was_ a hero, or at least "hero material" – I just needed everyone else to acknowledge it. I.e. become famous. Just at school for now, but one day as a big time Hollywood actor or a sports legend or something, with the whole world adoring me. Like Superman, but without the powers. Although I fully intended to rescue some kids from a burning building one day and be a hero AND a celebrity. That would be awesome.

As I worked on the popularity thing I began to lose sight of the difference between a real hero and a school hero. I forgot that being a hero, in the real sense of the word, meant doing something of value. Superheroes were famous, so I thought being a celebrity was the same thing. And I found popularity easy for me, so I thought it meant I was a natural born hero. People liked me, I was great at sports, I sat with the cool kids at lunch…and I went around _calling_ myself a hero because of that. Classic example of gay in the lame way. God, what an idiot I was! But everyone seemed to think it was funny and they joined in calling me a hero. It was my 'thing.' So I believed it was true.

But then someone important to me, someone whose opinion I really valued, gave me a metaphorical slap in the face. I was pissed off at first, but after thinking about what he said, I realized how stupid I had been acting.

He made me realize celebrities aren't real heroes. Or rather, he made me _remember_. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I think he was so hard on me because he knew I was smarter than to fall for the celebrity worship like everyone else – and maybe he thought I had the potential to be a _proper_ hero. Anyway, he helped me get back on the right track. (Other people had told me all this stuff before, but when it came from _this_ guy, I kind of took a bit more notice.)

Because maybe popularity makes you a cultural icon, but that's not the kind of hero _I_ want to be. I wanted to be someone who actually did something worthwhile/awesome. Whether it was actively saving lives or just working to make the world a better place day by day, that's what a real hero is all about. It was about that time I also began to realize that superheroes aren't the only worthwhile kind of heroes out there. It's easy to think they're the only heroes that matter because their brand of heroics is so obvious. They stop evil and save lives. But there's hundreds of ways to be a hero in everyday life. It's not exaggerated, idealistic comic book style heroics, but it makes a difference to people in real life, which is always worth working for. I'd never been satisfied with my options before, and the idea of having to face a future in boring reality, with _no_ superpowers where I couldn't help anyone. But after that lecture I began to see what kind of a difference I could make to people's lives with what I already had to offer, and realized the real world might not be so bad after all.

So ever since then, I stopped really caring about being popular. Which is why I can watch Alfred's golden circle lifestyle the way I do. It's not that I'm jealous, it's that I wanted it and now I don't.

So I try and live a real hero's life these days. It's kind of small-time stuff for now (I'm a part-time hero? Is that a thing?) but when I get out of world academy, and finish college…Well, I don't know. But I want to work for people. Every effort I make is going to help someone. Everyday will be full and tiring and I'll go to bed satisfied knowing I've made a difference to another human being. What more could I do with my life than helping people, you know? There's nothing more worthwhile than that. Even if you don't know the person, and you forget about it, _they_ won't forget the time someone helped them when they were in need, and maybe they can pass it on.

I don't know what I should be, though. A cop or a firefighter or a scientist or a doctor or a (non corrupt) politician or a lawyer…I can't wait to find something, though! I'm excited for my future.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I mean, apart from a gentleman. You're great at that already – keeping my secrets and stuff like this. And even though you don't seem to get along with Alfred too well I'm sure he'd think so too, if all that first impressions prejudice stuff didn't get in the way.

Speaking of, I mean I'm not so close with Alfred, but I don't want you to think that he hates you. It seems like you believe that because you got off on the wrong foot he has some grudge against you. But I doubt it, dude. You seem so nice, why would he still dislike you just because you got cranky at him when you first met? Also, he just seems like an easy-going guy in general, so I don't think he could manage to hold a grudge that long.

I just really hate to imagine you feeling down all these years because you think the guy you like hates you. I mean maybe Alfred doesn't like you back like _that_, but I really _really_ don't like the thought of you letting yourself believe that he hates you. Nobody could hate you. Even though you think you think you're aggressive and mean to people, I'm sure people can tell that you're fundamentally a good person – so even if people are intimidated by you, I'm sure you don't have as many enemies as you think.

So please stop thinking like that, okay? I'm _sure_ it isn't true. Maybe you're too shy now to go up and try and make friends with Alfred after all this time, but just please believe me. There's no way he could hate you, if he ever did in the first place.

You know, I gotta admit, for a while I was thinking "So the Gentleman is someone Alfred doesn't get along with...so it might be pretty easy to figure out who he is, since Alfred pretty much gets along with everybody." But then I realized how stupid that was. How _vain_ of someone who's safely in the popular crowd.

Because Alfred must have trodden on a lot of poor, awkward, hopeful teens in freshman year to get popular. And I bet there's a lot of people outside the golden circle who dislike him, and he just never notices them. Even if someone is mean to him, he probably ignores it and moves on.

But they have every right to hold a grudge – the way he treated some people in freshman year, when all he cared about was becoming popular. I don't think he realized it, but he ended up having to make a lot of people look bad to make himself look better in comparison. Now I hate Alfred's stupid popularity even more, because it hurt people, without him even knowing or caring at the time.

I know you said you don't like me thinking Alfred is a douche just because he's popular. I guess I don't really think that. I hate how his _popularity_ (which has taken on a life of its own, I think we both agree) has affected other people – either they got stepped on in his climb to the top, or they worship him mindlessly, or it's the girls who get hurt when he turns them down. Not all of these things are his fault, and even the things that are, I believe that one day he will be mature enough to realize his mistakes, and he'll feel bad about it.

And actually I do agree with you about him: I think he can be better than all that celebrity stuff, too. We're not bffs or anything, but I know him well enough to know he could be more. I think maybe for a while he got a little wrapped up in the golden circle stuff and let himself think he was as great as everyone said he was. But I believe he's the kind of guy who will grow out of it and make something of himself. So I don't hate him, or think badly of him, don't worry.

Anyway, I have totally gone off on a huge tangent in this message. I'm really sorry! Jesus, I've already typed so much and I haven't even started answering _your_ stuff yet! Sorry! This is gonna take forever to read. You don't have to reply to everything (especially the emo stuff) I'm just venting I guess.

So, let's get this email back on track! So…uh…where was I before I derailed? Let's see…

Oh, right! Kiku.

Yeah, you're probably right about him. From what I know of the guy, he doesn't swear or get angry. Like, ever. You know Hercu…God, I ALWAYS go to call him Hercules, but that's not his name. So anyway, you know _Heracles_? They're pretty good friends, and Hercules was worried Kiku was bottling everything up inside and one day he'd snap and things would get really ugly. So to try and help Kiku stop that from happening really badly in the future, Hercules tried to make him angry in a controlled environment and whatever, to get out some of that pent-up frustration he thought was in there. It was _hilarious_ – seeing a laid-back guy like Hercules try and piss off a zen guy like Kiku. It took them _weeks_ to get anywhere. And it turns out the thing that got Kiku most angry was me calling Heracles Hercules so much – and even then it was just like Kiku having a little eyebrow twitch, not all out yelling or anything.

Besides, I can't help it! Heracles/Hercules – they just sound the same. And wouldn't you _love_ to have an awesome nickname like _Hercules_? That movie is hilarious and Disney just plain rules. I don't know why Kiku was so annoyed. (Well, annoyed by Kiku standards, which is barely anything.)

The thing about Kiku is that he balances Alfred out. It's not like they're so opposite that it's really clashing and difficult – they sort of equalize each other. Where Kiku is naturally so quiet and calm that his life might get kinda boring, Alfred can swoop in and help him have fun – even if it's just by proxy. And whilst Alfred goes all out of control with his popularity, knowing someone as down to earth as Kiku must help keep him grounded and not get too carried away. I think they make a good pair.

And as for _you_ and Alfred, I'm sure if it weren't for that rough start, you guys would make a great pair, too. Even if it was just as friends. You guys really do have the whole 'opposite' thing going on – the super nice and popular jock who likes science and the cranky/secret-softy outcast who likes the arts. You might not balance or complement each other like Alfred and Kiku, but…I don't know, it just sounds like you would challenge each other. You're both so different that I'm sure you would be able to give each other different opinions and viewpoints and make each other think about things in a whole new way. It sounds like a relationship everyone should have in their lives.

That, and it sounds like the stuff sitcoms are made of, which is always good.

So anyway, you're clearly not Kiku. _But_ I've come up with a new guess about your identity: Lukas! You know that Norwegian guy? I mean, personally I don't think it seems like he has a crush on Alfred – but I find it hard imagining _any_ guy having a crush on him, so I'll just ignore that part.

But other than that, I think it really works. He acts all calm all the time, but he's always frowning like he's trying real hard at it. _Just like you!_ And it looks like if you got to know him he'd be really aggressive, but not in a really mean way. _Just like you!_ (Also, I've seen how he treats Mathias, so I know for a fact he can be aggressive. But I can't figure out if he actually _hates_ Mathias or not…) He doesn't seem to have a huge, normal social life, but he does have some really close friends. _Just like you!_ I know for a fact that he has at least one brother, though I think he's adopted or…well, I'm not sure how it works, but anyway. I know he likes mythology and stuff, so he would possibly be a fan of lit studies. _Just like you!_ He's not a native English speaker, but everyone here speaks English really well. I thought you were a native speaker because in one of your other emails you were ragging on me about needing spell-check to use my own language, and you made it sound like _you_ didn't need it for _your_ language, i.e. _also_ English. But maybe I was mistaken.

Soooo…Hi, Lukas! How's it going? XP (Just kidding.) (_Buuut_ if you _are_ Lukas, I know you're kinda friends with Arthur, so tell me everything you know about him! …And I mean that in a non-stalker way…God, _please_ don't tell Arthur I ever said "tell me everything you know about him!" I would straight up die. You don't want me to die, do you?)

I _think_ I just derailed the message again. Jesus, what is wrong with me today!

Next up on the schedule: The Gentleman agrees that The Hero cannot follow his own "be yourself" advice. I guess you're right: I have to lead by example. I'm kinda brave and I want to be a hero and all, so I should take the first step. If _I _stop worrying about peer pressure, it might encourage other people to do the same. And I really think we'd all be better off like that. And you're totally right, we all have little secrets like my love of science, so I shouldn't think it's the end of the world to tell people. Besides, my love of science makes me who I am. If I think people would reject me if they knew about it, it makes it seem like I have really low self esteem. I mean, being humble is one thing, but everyone should be confident about who they are.

Except I can't go blurting out how much I love physics now, because then you'll know _I'm_ The Hero! God, this is complicated. You messed everything up, Gentleman!

I suck at lit studies. Well, suck is a strong word. I guess I just don't like it, so I don't try so hard. I can still pass with little studying, but my parents sure aren't happy at such a mediocre grade in that subject, just 'cause I don't feel like working at it.

What I want to know is: how come we're not allowed to study comic books and manga? That's literature, too! _And_ it's like the evolution of storytelling through pictures, which is ancient – so it's gotta be important! Plus, the stories are _way_ better than some of the shit _we_ have to read. Is it necessary for them to pick out only the most boring books from round the world? Is that where the hard work comes in- 'cause trying to finish such boring stuff is as hard as trying to work out difficult equations in math and do complicated experiments in science?

You don't really seem like a graphic novel kinda guy…I mean, you seem more nerdy(smart) than geeky(the new cool), like me. I love all that geek stuff. …Not that I tell everyone about it, though…

And just for the record: I knew you were being sarcastic about wanting to hear about my weekend. Does that make you a _triple_-moron for not recognising a sarcastic reply to a sarcastic comment?

Thanks for what you said about me. "Idealistic, naïve and hopelessly romantic" – those things don't sound so bad to me. It's better than being 'stupid and oblivious' that's for sure. I actually kinda like that someone thinks those things about me. It's the way a friend would see you. So even though you don't know me in real life, you can see good things about me. That's encouraging.

_And _idealistic and naïve and hopelessly romantic is what my favourite superheroes are like, pretty much! So maybe I can be the superhero, and you can be my sidekick who keeps me in line and helps me when I'm too naïve and I fall into stupid traps because I trust people too much. Our comic pretty much writes itself, huh!

Or, maybe you wouldn't be my sidekick. You probably wouldn't like that. We would make a great team though, right?

I'm glad you told me all that stuff – you know, about the Hobbit and your dinner and seeing Ludwig and Feliciano together (totally agree – what the fuck?) There's stuff I want to tell people too, but it's kinda dumb or pointless so I never end up telling anyone 'cause they'll think it's stupid.

Like when I'm alone in my room, I lip-sync along to my iPod. I get really into it, and do loads of facial expressions and act all dramatic like I'm singing on stage. I used to do it at home but my family made fun of me. And then I accidentally did it in front of some of my friends (like my real friends) and they laughed and said it was something preteen girls do, and I felt dumb. I mean, I can't be the _only_ one, and one day I'm gonna find someone else who does it and shove it in everyone's face!

I prefer baseball to football. I mean, I like watching both of them, but I'd rather play baseball. But when I was trying to be all popular in junior high, football was the way to go, so I joined the team. And now I'm kinda stuck. I love my teammates and everything and it's fun and all, but my dad expects me to carry on football in college but I just don't care anymore.

And this is an Arthur thing, but talking about Hercules earlier reminded me of it. I just wanna take Arthur home and watch Disney movies with him, ya know? I don't know if you imagine doing stuff with Alfred (I mean not doing _that_ kinda thing, but like dates and stuff), but I hope it doesn't sound too strange that I've thought about it. I can't explain it. I just wanna go back to my place, cuddle up on the sofa, and share all those movies I loved when I was a kid with him. I frickin' love Disney. Always have, always will. I still find the movies funny and exciting and I wanna watch those love stories with Arthur because that's how I feel about him and I don't know how to say it, but Disney can show him for me.

How's _that_ for being a preteen girl. I guess gaydar doesn't really exist otherwise people would be able to figure me out in a second.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna go round asking everyone else if they're gay just to find you. Like you said, you probably wouldn't tell me the truth anyway. Also, I like my privacy in this area, so I'll respect everyone else's. But I was kinda surprized when you said Alfred looks like he might want to experiment. How can you tell that about him? What does that _look_ like? Are other people seeing something that I don't when they look at him?

Your childhood friends sound nice. I mean, you didn't tell me about their personalities, but just the fact that they let you know they're there for you no matter what – it's really great. It sounds like you're a team and you've always got each other's backs. It's awesome that you can be kind of a loner at school but still feel confident and comfortable with yourself, just from knowing they're there if you need them. You sound like a really strong and mature person. I know I need people praising me and paying attention to me 24/7 or I feel like I'm doing something wrong…

_**YOU**_ like to get drunk? I can't imagine it, but God I hope it's true. I bet you're a riot when you've been drinking.

My brother is…invaluable to me. (Okay, I admit, I used the thesaurus for that one – but it's like what you said about the "insert non-girly adjective" thing. I read you loud and clear on that one. _How_ hard is it talking about emo stuff like this without sounding like a complete idiot?)

Anyway: my brother. Nobody ever really notices him so they can't see how great he really is, but I'm glad I get to be his brother and be really close to him so that _I_ can see it. He's one of the best people in the world, I'm sure of it. I look up to him so much, and the reason I can be the person I am is because of him. And people seem to like _me_, so they should be grateful to him for making it possible.

I'm glad your brothers have started to be nicer. I'm sure they never really hated you, it's just the sibling rivalry thing. Are they younger or older? Using my epic detective skills, I'd guess they're probably older – and the reason they've started to be nicer is because they've grown out of teasing you and stuff. (Am I right?) Besides, I'm sure you could be an asshole right back to them – you seem like you can give as well as you take, so I'm not gonna feel too sorry for you just yet.

I totally don't ditch my best friends at school just to help myself be popular. It's just for me…well, my social life _at_ school is different my social life _outside_ of school. _At_ school it's part of the job: working to be one of the cool kids is just the same as working at lessons. It even comes with its own extra-curricular activities: going to parties, making appearances at the right places and stuff. And the cool kids aren't exactly _friends_, they're more like "colleagues" since we're all working at the same job trying to be cool.

My _real_ friends don't care about being popular, so at school I let them have fun and be themselves while I get on with my work at being cool. There's no point me dragging them into this stupid world of unnecessary childish drama just because I stupidly care about looking cool. They're better off without it, I can tell you that much. So they're just not involved in the circle of people I hang out with at school. But they know I'm not abandoning them just to look cool – we just hang out with different crowds at school so I don't see them as much. I'll totally say hi to them and talk to them in class or during frees or whatever. I just don't eat lunch with them and stuff.

_Outside_ of school though – I mean when I'm not putting in the time with the cool kids – I hang out with my real friends in our dorms. And I finally get to relax and be myself. They know they're really invaluable to me, too.

Oh, so you _didn't_ fall in love with Alfred at first sight? _Suuuuure_, Gentleman. I _totally_ believe you. (That would be sarcasm, in case you missed it again.)

Deny it all you want, but I can tell. Because you're like me. Not in everything, but in _this_ thing: the love situation. Liking someone you can't have, since the day you met, from your hiding place in the closet. There's no need to be embarrassed about it. Sure, it sucks that you like someone impossible for even longer, but it's still really romantic. Love at first is a good thing. I think _you_ need to watch more Disney.

And don't worry, I totally get you on the watching someone in a non-stalker way. That's how I got to notice how Arthur actually isn't the mean old dragon everyone thinks he is. (He's like the one in Shrek! But a boy.)

But I'm kinda curious, what _did_ you see about Alfred? You keep telling me there's more than meets the eye and you don't like him for the popularity – but you keep avoiding the real answer. What did he _do_ that made you think he was such a good guy? It's alright, you can tell me. I won't think you're a crazy stalker for paying attention to him, because we're both in the same position. And they sound like the kind of things I want to know – so I can work on those qualities in myself so I can be a better person, too. You're a smart guy, and anything that impresses you so much has to be worth picking up for myself. Because then maybe Arthur would be impressed by _me_, like you are with Alfred. So you'd really be helping me out if you told me.

You think Alfred doesn't like being popular, he just got stuck in that "world"? Wow, I don't think anyone else would imagine that about him. But you know what, maybe it's true. If it's the same for me, maybe it's the same for Alfred. Maybe he realized how stupid it was and got tired, but still does it just because it makes the world at school go round and it's better than being unpopular. It's easy to get comfortable being popular, and be scared of the alternative.

And that's crazy – you're the first person I've ever heard say they felt sorry for Alfred. Most people would think you're insane, but I kind of agree. Actually, I totally agree. Even when it comes to turning down the girls, I feel sorry for him. Hurting people like that (and so often) can't be fun. And sure, he doesn't _have_ to say no, but he must have his reasons. Maybe he has a girlfriend back home or something. Or maybe he just plays around with the girls at school in secret without actually dating anyone. I've heard rumours about both, so nobody else finds it that strange that he doesn't usually pay attention to his fangirls too much.

But yeah, Arthur's position is definitely worse. I don't feel sorry for him the same way I feel sorry for Alfred. With Alfred it's kind of a shame, but you gotta admit he brought it on himself. With Arthur though it's more like I feel angry because his situation sucks and he has no control over it. He only ever tried to be a normal student, but life/his brothers wouldn't let that happen. I bet he's looking forward to his fresh start at college. It makes me sad, because I wish he could have enjoyed his time here as much as I did. Having a crush on him has made everyday exciting for me, and I wish he could have had something like that, to make every day something to look forward to even if he doesn't have lots of friends and people pick on him sometimes. I wish the time we were at school together could have been as important to him as it was to me so that he'll always remember the academy happily, and maybe remember me sometimes too – but I'm just glad he'll get to start over and make the most of his life at college.

Dude, no worries about what you said about Arthur. I know it's not like you to go around hating on someone for no reason, so I don't think you do it all the time. And I know exactly what it's like to just blindly believe what everyone tells you about someone, so you just assumed Arthur was as unlikeable as everyone said he was because you didn't know any different.

But yeah, it's your and everyone else's loss. 'Cause he's amazing. Everyone jumps to conclusions about him because of all the stories they've heard and because he's kind of rough on the outside. But nobody takes the time to get to know him or take a closer look at him. I wish I could start an "Arthur Kirkland awareness campaign" and make everyone see how great he is – but that probably wouldn't go down well.

Oh my God can you imagine? I would have to take the campaign idea to him _first_, since he's student council president. "Yo, Artie. I want to start an awareness campaign at school to teach kids about a topic very close to my heart: you."

…Jesus, that line needs to be in a movie! Who do I talk to about this? I'm gonna be a millionaire! (I mean, if Arthur doesn't kill me for saying it first XD )

I totally agree about his brothers being dicks. God, I would love to beat the shit out of them if I ever got the chance! They must have all moved out of their family home by now and don't get to pick on him so much anymore except at holidays. And it's not really fair of me to beat them up for something they did when they were kids. But still, I _want_ to. _So_ bad. I'm sure Arthur doesn't need me to fight his battles for him, and his parents might not like me so much for beating up their other sons, and it's really none of my business anyway, but…I just really think of this as a damsel in distress situation and that is the fundamental call to arms for a superhero. Poor Arthur must have been like Cinderella at home.

And yeah, I'm sure he has friends, too. He's just not the same kind of social most teenagers are, so it's hard to tell.

Yep, I did the whole 'falling in love at first sight' thing with Arthur back on day one of freshman year. And yep, even despite what people said about him. It's weird – I mean I heard the stories his brothers passed down about him and I knew they were true, but they didn't make me think he was lame. It was just some embarrassing stuff he did when he was younger. We all have stories like that – he was just unfortunate that total strangers found out about his, courtesy of his jackass brothers. I actually found the stories all cute and funny.

So I didn't think Arthur was uncool. In fact I just…wanted to orbit around the guy. I couldn't get enough of him.

But the more I talked to him, the meaner he was to me. At first I didn't get why, and I was hurt because I was so fascinated by him, but _he_ didn't seem to like _me_. So I tried to forget how much I liked him and started being mean back. That made _him_ be even meaner to _me_, and then _me_ be even meaner to _him_ – and because I was getting popular that made all the cool kids not like him for even _more_ reasons…and now here we are.

But now I know why he didn't like me at the start. He hated me 'cause I was a bully. You're totally right. I was horrible to him.

I didn't see it at the time because I wasn't _doing_ it to be mean. I didn't realize I was picking on him, and I didn't realize other people were either. I thought it was all just a joke. Just some teasing about those embarrassing stories going round about him. Like you would tease any friend about that stuff. I was just doing it to make everyone else laugh and like me, not because I thought Arthur was lame. It didn't even occur to me that other people might think he wasn't cool, because he was to me.

But that's so naïve. Of _course_ all that teasing hurt him. Of _course_ it wasn't just a joke. Of _course_ people were laughing _at _him, not _with_ him. Even though I wasn't doing it to be mean, it _looked_ like I was, because that's what everyone else was doing. I know I said I didn't think many people fought with Alfred so it would be easy to figure out who _you_ are, but to Arthur I could be _anybody_, because I treated him just as badly as everyone else. To him, I'd just look like any of those other bullies who were mean to him in freshman year. No matter why I was doing it, how innocent and ignorant my intentions, it wouldn't have mattered to Arthur: I was still being horrible to him. So he was horrible back, to defend himself. He had every right not to like me and I was stupid for thinking he was being a dick for no reason.

I'll feel bad about it to the day I die, I swear. And yeah, maybe he's mostly gotten over it, but it was still wrong of me, and I feel terrible. I always will. I'm gonna find a way to make it up to him one day. I don't know how, but one day I want to do something nice and useful for him to help him out (be his hero, I guess) even if he doesn't know it's me. It won't make us even, but I have to do _some_thing for him!

So yeah, I was a bully. I get that now. I never meant for it to be like that – I thought he knew we were all just kidding around but…if I were in his position of course I'd think exactly what he thought. What else is there to think? I wouldn't be able to handle it as well as he did either. I'm sure I'd be a mess and begging to change schools and traumatized for my entire life. He's so brave.

But anyway, despite all the awkwardness and misunderstood antagonism between us, I can't believe it took me so long to realize I had a crush on him! It was a frickin' nightmare, honestly! I was a total tool. I fell in love at first sight, but didn't _get_ it because people said he was lame and I'd never liked a guy before. So it didn't click that I wanted to run in circles round him because I _liked_ him like that. My heart pounded whenever he was there, I couldn't stop thinking about him, I got excited just from hearing people say his name, I craved his attention – and I didn't know why! I didn't even _wonder_ why I felt those things! I didn't _think_ about it. How could I have _not_ known! God, what an idiot!

Gym classes were the goddam worst! Still are, actually. That was when it was hardest to ignore how I was really feeling about him. I mean, I didn't watch him change or anything, but I couldn't help noticing his little shorts. His goddam little fucking shorts. I'm sure they are the reason I eventually figured out I was attracted to him. Just _why_ are his gym shorts shorter than everybody else's? Seriously! It's criminal! To this day – two and a half years of being at the academy – and he _still_ wears gym shorts that look like they come out of a wet dream. I mean, they don't make the girls wear gym clothes that look that erotic, because there'd be a scandal. So why does Arthur get to parade around with his long perfect legs and little tight shorts giving everybody a total hard on?

Okay, maybe not _every_body, but even _one_ person is too many. Especially when it's me. Fuck those little shorts!

So, that's just getting way too graphic and I'm sure you're plenty disturbed now. But at least maybe now you won't feel embarrassed about telling me the things you notice about Alfred that no one else does. 'Cause my 2 and a half year old short shorts fetish has gotta be more awkward than anything _you_ could say about Alfred.

Besides, you said you were in the creeper club too. Yay! I think we should get hoodies with a logo and our codenames on.

Say, that reminds me of something I wanted to ask! What are you wearing? I won't ask about your normal personal style in case that's too much of a give away, but just tell me what you're wearing right now so I have something to picture. As for me, I'm sitting here in my dorm room wearing jeans but no socks (I like to go barefoot/I'm too lazy to find some) and my hella comfy red hoodie with yellow stripes across the chest. I don't wear it out too much with the cool crowd, but it's a hoodie of choice when relaxing around my room or with friends.

Oh, and don't try getting away with saying "I'm wearing my school uniform." Totally doesn't count.

I'm sorry for belittling your feelings and telling you to move on too. It's not that easy huh? I guess we'll just both have to accept that we each like someone the other person doesn't understand, and nothing either of us (or anyone else) can say will change that. For better or worse (my bet's on the second one) this is just it for us.

And yeah, I'm totally romantic. If you hadn't clued in from the "I wanna watch Disney movies with Arthur~" thing. And I know you are, too, so don't try to hide it. Come on: a literature studies guy must have all sorts of crazy romantic daydreams floating around his head!

Dude…This email is nearly 7 THOUSAND words long! What is this? I don't even…I can't remember the last time I ever wrote this much. This is like 4 huge essays all rolled into one. I legitimately can't believe how long I've been typing.

I should really stop before this gets any longer and you can never be bothered to read it. I'm really sorry it's so long. Just write back with whatever, you don't have to go through and reply to every paragraph like we usually do.

Have a great Wednesday! (Personally, they're my favourite 'cause I get to see Arthur the most on Wednesdays!)

TTYL

The Hero


	12. Thursday, 19 Jan, 18:01

18:01 – Thursday, January 19th 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>So sorry I didn't reply yesterday. I hope you didn't think I was put off by your long email. It wasn't that (although I admit it did take me ages to get through it and write my reply). It's just that I would usually sit down to answer your emails during my free periods at school, but yesterday there were other matters that required my attention. And then after school I was busier than usual.<p>

But enough with the pleasantries. Let's get cracking since we have a lot to cover.

I refuse to pander to your childish detective game except to tell you that I am not "bffs" with Elizaveta. I suppose I consider her a friend now – we've certainly gotten closer recently – but it's only because she found out about me being bisexual and took an unhealthy interest in it. A _very_ unhealthy interest. Please don't ever let her come to the right conclusion about you because she will _never_ leave you alone. I told her that I don't like anyone, because I get the feeling she would try and play matchmaker if I showed any interest – but I think she has an inkling…

And look, I would very much appreciate it, Hero, if you would stop trying to work out who I am. I don't mean to sound worried, because I'm _not_. And it's not that I don't think I can beat you and figure you out first. I'm just uncomfortable with the way you're prying without my permission. We agreed to be anonymous, why does that have to change? And you have an unfair advantage: I feel like I must be so easy to figure out (although that could just be because I know who I am), but you could be anybody. Why can't we just stay anonymous? Why does it have to matter who I am?

Please can we just agree to stop looking for clues? I feel very uncomfortable emailing you as usual if you're just going to use every sentence as an opportunity to spy.

I'm sorry for sounding so childish, but it just makes me a little trepidatious about emailing you with my usual amount of detail. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time, and keep writing as normal, because I trust that you will take my concerns to heart and stop snooping.

Sherlock and Watson are _not_ gay. I don't care what Elizaveta or her online friends say! Sherlock is completely asexual! He's too clever to fall for such ridiculous things as attraction and lust. What I wouldn't give to be more like him! Free from such stupid weaknesses, _and_ a genius to boot. Granted, he's not always the portrait of a gentleman: he can be a bit arrogant and insensitive, especially in the new BBC version.

And yes, you're right on that matter – I do aim to be something of a gentleman, which is why I chose that codename. I suppose it does sound a bit stupid, but I don't mean anything other than that I try to be a decent person. It's not that I think it means walking around wearing a top hat (which I'm sure is the image _you've_ got in your head).

I only call it being a 'gentleman' because that was the word I used for it when I was a child, and it's just sort of stuck. It was mainly because of my mother. She loved how polite and mature I was after having to raise my awful older brothers (yes, older), and would call me her "little gentleman." And so I just picked up on the fact that acting like that made her happy. Yes, it's incredibly gay, I know – being a "mama's boy" and all. But I can't help it: when you're four years old and you're mother calls you her "little gentleman" and then gives you treats for being a good boy, you become conditioned!

Also, as I've said before, it's very hard for me to be polite and altruistic. My default is…rather the opposite. So 'gentleman' becomes my mantra. When I find myself acting stubborn or petty or selfish or arrogant, I just have to remind myself: "act like a gentleman". And by taking that moment to put myself in check, I can get a grip on myself and be the person I want others to see. Just because I'm naturally awful, doesn't mean I can't try to change. (Because sometimes "be yourself" isn't actually the best advice, Hero.)

And yes, you are now the only person in the world who knows I go around reminding myself to act like a gentleman when I feel murderous. So you _should_ feel proud. I am equally honoured to know that there is someone in the school who secretly lives their life hoping to roll around in nuclear waste and get x-ray vision or something. Mainly because compared to your secret superhero complex, I now feel less idiotic for calling myself a gentleman in my head. Honestly, Hero…

However, I do admire your desire to be a real world hero. It's a very worthy goal you have there, and I wish you the best of luck. If there's anything I can do to help – advice on university degrees, or volunteer programs and so on. Actually, I suppose Arthur would be the one to go to about that, being head of the student council. (Good luck with that, too.)

I just thought I would get into politics or something because that seemed useful and worthwhile, but I can't say the idea gives me the satisfaction you seem to derive from thinking about your own future. Perhaps I should give it some more thought.

I'm glad you grew out of your quest for celebrity. (Remind me to thank that person who brought you to your senses). It would have been a shame to waste someone like you on such a meaningless pursuit. And yes, I'm sure the person who gave you that metaphorical slap in the face could see it, too; I doubt he/she was just being cruel. I'm sure they, like me, much prefer to think of you striving to be the useful kind of hero you now aim to be. Personally, I think you'll be fantastic at it. I mean, you've gotten me (ME!) to open up this much after just six days. I honestly can't believe it and it scares me just a little. Here I was thinking I was an impenetrable fortress and then you come along and within ten minutes I'm gushing about my secret crush and talking about how much I love my mother…What have you _done_ to me?

But it seems you have a gift for being friendly and charming and getting people to open up. I think you could put these talents to great use helping people who are suffering on the inside. People who find it hard to talk to someone about their problems, but who really need someone to listen. I'm afraid it's a little less obvious and immediate and cool than being a fire-fighter (or a superhero), but I just thought I'd mention it.

Or how about becoming a secret agent? Solving huge international crimes whilst retaining a secret civilian identity. It's not too far from your superhero dream, minus the genetic mutations. Also, you might get cool gadgets, if the movies are to be believed.

…I just realised I wasn't being sarcastic in that paragraph. I was genuinely trying to help you find a way to turn your life into an action movie. Your immaturity is contagious!

On to other matters, then, before this gets out of hand.

Thank you for saying that Alfred doesn't hate me. I suppose I don't really think so, either: if he were capable of hate like that, I doubt I'd like him the way I do. And he hasn't bullied me like he did in freshman year in ages, so I'm sure it was never personal, and he's grown up and forgotten all about it. It's just a bit of angsty self-pity on my part.

You're right, I'm certainly not the only one who had problems with Alfred in freshman year, and I know plenty of people who still resent him for the way he and his friends treated them. (Hence all the segregation at school, of course.) So it's not like I'm a rare case. It _is_ pretty oblivious to think that everyone gets along with Alfred and the rest of the golden circle, but I don't think it's stupid: that's just your naivety coming in to play again. At least you've been able to think about it from a different perspective and see the truth now. You're very good at that, and learning from your mistakes, it seems.

What you said makes me realise that this email program really _was_ necessary. Of course there are cliques in the school, like any other: but if the popular kids haven't even _noticed_ the way they treat and are treated by others then we all need a good wake-up call so that we can start behaving properly to each other. It's by no means solely the fault of the popular crowd anymore, since we are all guilty of letting it get out of hand. The cool kids created their own little world first, ignoring everyone else yet believing themselves adored – but then the rest of the student body followed suit since they felt shunned, and it seemed impossible to get along. And now it's like a social minefield out there. People sticking to island groups of like-minded peers, unable and unwilling to interact with students who are different to them.

I don't know how it got so bad. And talking to you, I don't know _why_: if people in the golden circle can be this nice, why have I always avoided them? It's almost like an entire school of Montagues and Capulets: everyone pointlessly feuding and preventing decent people from being friends. If we _did_ take the time to get to know one another a bit more, I'm sure we really could achieve all those things the school promised. Tearing down walls and so on. It's so silly and childish of us to keep being this obstinate and adolescent about it, when we're only hurting ourselves.

So I'm glad I've had to the opportunity to talk to you: it helps me remember that the other students are human, too, and I shouldn't feel like I'm the only sane, decent person at this school. I hope everyone else is getting as much out of the anonymous emailing as I am. I mean, I haven't started going round trying to befriend everyone, but it's really helped me put myself in other people's shoes before I automatically start treating them with contempt like I would usually do. I feel like it has been very useful for me. And I suppose it's not too bad getting to know _you_, either.

And now that little spiel is over…Sorry for the tangent.

I always thought Kiku would be one of those people to completely blow up if he ever got angry. As they say, it's always the quiet ones.

Yes, I think being friends/more with Alfred would be…interesting, to say the least. I'd never be bored, that's for sure – if only for the amount of arguing I had to do with him.

Hang on, since when did Alfred like science? I mean, it's not like I know _every_thing about him, but I'd just never heard that before. Surely if Alfred's so open about it, then _you_ can be, too?

Now, I'm sorry to do this to you, but I fear I absolutely _must_ lecture you on taking your studies seriously. (I'll keep it short, but I can't physically stop myself altogether.) Even if you don't enjoy a subject, it's not as if you're getting nothing out of it. The purpose of our courses isn't pure entertainment: it's about personal and academic improvement, so everything we are asked to do is valuable, even if you can't see any immediate merit in it. Though it might feel like a chore for you to study literature, I know you have the determination and will power, not to mention the intellect, to focus on it and get some reward from it – even if it's just good grades. It's very immature to give up on a subject simply because you don't like it. And not the nice, Hero-brand childishness I have to expect from you, but the bad kind of immaturity.

Besides, it's _literature studies_! How can this be boring to anyone?

Here's a tip – it's not just the story to which you have to pay attention. Comic books and manga might be fun and exciting, but the novels we're asked to read are interesting and complicated because of the _way_ they're written, not just what events are being depicted.

And no, I'm not really a 'graphic novel kinda guy'. I've never read any superhero comics – though I know enough about them that I definitely do refuse to be relegated to your sidekick. (Just to nip that idea in the bud.) As for being a team, you certainly _do_ need someone to stop you getting humiliated by evil geniuses. So I suppose I can be an associate of some kind. If you pay me well enough, of course.

And the only reason I know about manga is because of Elizaveta. She showed me some 'yaoi' when she found out I was bisexual, thinking it would be right up my alley. Actually not so much "showed me" – it was more like she thrust a life-time's worth of books at me and wouldn't let me give them back until I was finished. I honestly don't know _what_ gave her the impression that I wanted to read that sort of thing. And now I have her dumping these books on me at all times, and I have to hide them from my roommate.

I'll thank you not to brand me with terms like 'nerdy' – or 'geeky', come to that. It rather goes against the clique-fighting and integration we're supposed to be aiming for, doesn't it?

Well, how was _I_ supposed to know you were being sarcastic! It's hard to tell when it's written down! And humour like that doesn't seem your style, so I just assumed you were being ridiculous as usual.

I'm afraid I don't lip-sync to music, but my air guitar performances are pretty impressive. I can even play air bass, that's how skilled I am.

I'm sorry you feel forced into American football and don't enjoy it anymore. That is a huge shame, when you could be putting all that effort into exploring and developing other interests that may serve you better. But remember that our American football team are champions, so you should feel proud that your hard work has gone towards something that means a lot to the rest of the school.

And I'm sorry your father isn't taking your wishes into consideration. I know what it's like to feel pressured by parents (I'm sure we all do at the Academy), so I doubt my words will do much to convince you – but for what it's worth, don't let your father force you in to something that you don't feel is meant for you.

Of _course_ you love Disney. Why am I not surprised? I suppose those movies aren't so terrible. They've butchered a few delightfully gruesome fairy tales, to be sure, but they're not all bad. And don't worry, in the past two and a half years I may have accidentally indulged in a few daydreams about dates with Alfred, so it's not too strange. I think your idea of a date is rather sweet, actually. Not very manly, and thoroughly infantile, of course, but nothing I haven't come to expect from you.

Why do I think Alfred would experiment? I just think he's a very 21st century sort of person, so he's probably more open-minded and curious about that sort of thing. And he's so attractive people are going to be throwing themselves at him his whole life, men included, and eventually he'll decide to try it out with somebody. (I hate that person already.)

And yes, I like to drink. It's not easy being perfect all the time, so I like to let loose and be as stupid and depraved as the rest of you every now and again. And yes, I think you would enjoy drinking with me. It would be an education, that's for sure.

You sound like the ideal sibling, the way you love your brother like that. … There has to be something you're not telling me. Like you look up to him, and yet you still ruin all his belongings and bully him mercilessly because you're jealous and think that your parents like him more. Please don't tell me it can be as simple as "we're brothers and we love each other." Otherwise I'll be thoroughly depressed.

And don't worry, I was definitely the bane of my brothers' existence when I wanted to be. I know how to handle them.

Maybe you should try to phase from the popular crowd to hanging out with your real friends at school. You obviously don't care about popularity anymore, so why still bother with it? It would certainly achieve that integration of groups and breaking down walls that the email program was encouraging. And surely you'll be happier? You don't need to prove yourself to anyone by being popular, Hero. Work on being yourself and I'm sure you'll find people love it, and you become popular for the right reasons.

However, I understand the way you treat school relationships and real friends as different entities. I suppose it's rather like what we're expected to do in the future, with making important business contacts. They're not necessarily friends but you have to work at maintaining these relationships for your own personal gain.

Alright, fine! So what if I thought Alfred was okay the first time I saw him? I'm not embarrassed it's just…pathetic. Liking someone who instantly started teasing me and bullying me and pestering me, and getting all morose about it. And then having occasional moments where he wasn't so bad, and allowing myself to get my hopes up, only to have him to go right back to normal. It's all so stupid! And it's not me at all!

I was so relieved when he turned out to secretly be a good person – though why he went on with all that bullying and dickishness in freshman year when he's actually a nice person is a mystery to me!

I suppose I can tell you a few of the good things I saw him do, if you think it will help you. But _please_ don't tell anyone else. I don't know if it's my place to talk about it, since he obviously wants to keep it private himself (though God knows why!). So I'll tell you a few examples, but don't broadcast them, alright? I mean, perhaps he tells his close friends about these things but I certainly never hear anyone mention them.

He volunteers at three different places in town, for starters. Where he gets time for this outside of his American football and busy social life I have no clue, but every minute of his weekend must be taken up with working, for no pay.

He's great with children and junior high kids. He doesn't patronise them, or act arrogant and superior, he just seems to connect with them and they love him. I have a soft spot for children, myself, but they hate me for some reason; so Alfred's effortless ability to befriend them just impresses me. It's probably not a big deal to anyone else, though.

I heard that quite a few of the school charity events were his idea. And I mean, he came up with thorough plans and organised lots of important details, but never got too involved beyond the initial stage because of other commitments. I think he was just being modest. Everyone loves to get recognition for things like that. Apparently, he also always donates amazing prizes for school raffles and auctions, and he buys them out of his own pocket. He doesn't just go running to his dad for money, he has a great ethic when it comes to paying your own way.

But I suppose the one event that always sticks in my head above the others is this one tiny thing he did last year. Really, thoroughly insignificant. Sorry if I wax on a bit, but I've always wanted to tell somebody about this.

Once when it was American "Cuisine" Day in the cafeteria, Alfred was late to lunch and there was only one hamburger left. Now, Alfred F. Jones would never turn down a hamburger – and that's not just a creepy stalker thing I know about him, it's a scientific fact. You know this, I know this, everyone in school knows this.

But there was a girl in line behind Alfred, talking about how she'd been looking forward to a hamburger all week. America Day in the cafeteria is her favourite, and she's on a diet and this is her treat day which only happens once every fortnight, and she can taste it already, etc., etc.

And Alfred just breezed right past the hamburger like he didn't even see it.

It was the most selfless thing I've ever seen. She didn't even notice what he'd done for her, and he didn't draw attention to it to get the praise. There was no "Here you go! I'll save the last hamburger for you!" just to make sure he got a thank you. He was happy to quietly give up something his life practically depends on just to make someone else momentarily happy.

I thought it rather…well, it was lovely. I don't care if it's a six year old girl word – it was _lovely_! Like something my mother would do, for God's sake!

And not only is it all incredible, but isn't it contradictory to the whole 'golden boy' persona he tries to perpetuate. If he were really that worried about being popular, wouldn't he advertise these admirable things he does? I mean, that would win round _everyone_ in the school, unlike the way his sports ability and good looks are all it takes for the cool crowd.

This is what made me think he must not care about popularity as much as it seems. A) He keeps his real accomplishments quiet. B) If he's so involved in volunteering and charity work and random acts of selfless kindness, surely the golden circle world must be a complete turn off for him? It's all superficial and shallow – completely unlike him.

So it was these things, among others, that helped me see that 'popular jock, golden boy' Alfred is just a role he plays in school, not his true personality. In reality, he is a genuinely nice person, someone who could be popular on real merits, and who does good not for any sort of recognition or reward but just because it's the right thing to do.

To borrow your favourite theme, it's almost as if Alfred has a superhero persona and a secret identity. The usual golden boy bravado he gives everyone at school – champion footballer, amazing actor, flashy, noticeable, idolised – _that's_ the superhero. But when he isn't called upon to be in the spotlight, he turns into a normal person, and keeps his real heroics a secret, like a hidden civilian identity.

I probably sound like a total idiot (as always). The thought only just occurred to me; I don't usually go around likening Alfred F. Jones to a superhero, I promise. I'm not _that_ crazy for him.

Although it makes me wonder: why does he _need_ to play the popular/superhero role and have a secret nice identity? Why can't he be both?

It baffles me, so I won't bother trying to figure it out. Obviously he must have his reasons for the way he lives his life.

And _why_ doesn't he have a girlfriend? That is the biggest mystery of all.

And on that note: it's Arthur time.

Don't worry yourself: I'm sure Arthur has enjoyed his time at the Academy just as much as the next person. Not in the traditional 'making friends and memories' sense – but he seems the type to enjoy school and studies, so I'm sure he will always fondly remember this place. And I expect he's looking forward to university not just as an escape from the Academy, but for the academic challenge. I'm certain his life isn't as depressing as you think it is, so don't feel down about it.

Would you mind telling me about what made you like Arthur? If you know him as little as you say then I can't imagine what made you see him as more than the butt of the school joke. It honestly staggers me that you can say you thought he was _cool_, despite the fact that the entire student body was attempting to convince us otherwise. It's very…sweet and/or stupid, I'm not quite sure which. You certainly are rock hard headed when it comes to these things.

Looks like I really need that 'Arthur Kirkland awareness campaign.' You could try getting him to agree to that, but I think he might first have to murder you for calling him 'Artie' – I hear he hates nicknames and if you're trying to get in his good books, then that is _not_ the way to go.

And please do something more with your brains and life than coming up with cheesy movie quotes! Dear Lord. I don't think they make movies based solely on one liners…although, come to think of it, the amount of shit I've seen at the cinema in recent years, that might very well be the case. If so, I don't mind joining your team. I suppose I may be a _bit_ of a romantic, with a _bit_ of an overactive imagination apt to daydreaming. Also, this is where literature studies comes in handy, you see?

We could start a business, churning out romantic one liners for movies from our Arthur/Alfred fantasies. I know mine are practically a goldmine. How tragic. At least it could make me a millionaire.

I'm sure Arthur wouldn't mind having a hand taking on his brothers. I mean three to one is hardly fair, why not even the odds a little after all this time?

I know you will continue to beat yourself up over hurting Arthur in the past, but what's done is done and you've both grown up quite a bit since then. I'm sure he knows now that people weren't mocking him in freshman year from any personal grievance, but just to make themselves looks better in comparison. We were _fourteen_ back then: nobody knew _what_ the hell they were doing. There's really no need to beat yourself up so much, Hero.

Maybe you acted like a bully at the time, and maybe Arthur was hurt at the time. But you just made a simple, normal mistake for a fourteen-year-old boy – especially one struggling with his sexuality for the first time. And it's nothing that Arthur can't brush off and ignore, I'm sure; I get the feeling that he would see no sense in letting something so stupid and immature as freshman teasing bring him down for too long. He made it to student president, didn't he? He's not exactly crying in a corner and sulking.

And besides, I actually understand you completely: tormenting Arthur because you liked him, but didn't realise it. After all, I had something similar with Alfred but in reverse: _realising_ that I liked him, but lashing out at him because I didn't understand _why_ I liked him when he was mean to me.

So don't feel like you're the only one who's ever made a stupid, childish mistake before, Hero. Yes, it means we set ourselves back in regards to actually getting anywhere with Alfred and Arthur, but…well, what can we do?

For what it's worth, I'm sure it would mean the world to Arthur if he could hear your words. Knowing that even _one_ person who bullied him actually liked him and was just too confused/stupid to show it. Even coming two and a half years late, I'm sure it would make him feel very encouraged and more accepted. Feelings and apologies like the ones you want to express, they are very valuable and would never be rejected or unappreciated, no matter how late they come. I'm sure Arthur would forgive you implicitly.

If it would make you feel better to tell him, perhaps a nice note, printed out so he can't read your hand-writing? Or…Well, I suppose I could tell him on your behalf? I doubt he would think I was pulling some asinine prank on him, as I'm not really the sort, and I wouldn't gain anything from it. I fear that if you told him in person he'd think it _was_ a wind-up, and I don't want you to feel like you failed to get through to him.

At any rate, just helping him out like you suggested sounds like a fine idea, too. Even if you don't bring up the fact that you're doing it to make amends for past wrongs, or if you somehow help him anonymously, I know he'll still appreciate it a great deal.

I don't think Arthur has ever realised that his shorts are that short. It can't have occurred to him before, or he certainly wouldn't be wearing them. I feel like I should warn him. In fact, yes, I'll do that. Sorry to break your trust, but if you're thinking like that about his shorts, maybe other people are laughing at him for wearing them. It's not fair to let him go around making a fool of himself. I do apologise and hope you can forgive me.

What am I wearing? You do realise you make it sound like you're talking to a phone sex worker or a call girl or something… But if you _must_ know, I'm wearing a green cardigan with an argyle print across the chest. I'm still wearing my school trousers because I actually haven't left the school yet to go back to my dorm and change. But I was cold, so I threw on the cardigan which I had with me for just such a purpose. The blazer is too stiff for me to wear when I'm working in the evening.

There, I hope that's enough detail for you, for whatever perverse need this is meant to fulfil.

I hope you enjoyed your Wednesday. I inferred that you still have P.E. class with Arthur these days, you weren't just talking about freshman year, so I assume you had a good time with Arthur and his shorts yesterday. That poor man. I'm sorry it was your last class with the shorts, but I have to tell him he's inadvertently making a fool of himself. I'm sure you understand.

In return, I'll admit that Wednesdays are my favourite, too. For Alfred reasons.

The Gentleman


	13. Thursday, 19 Jan, 20:33

20:33 – Thursday, January 19th 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

Message: **I'm busy tonight so I can't reply to your whole email. But I have to say 1 thing before you make a big mistake!**

* * *

><p>Noooooooooooooooooooooooookay I could go on forever with this, but I think you get the picture. BIG NO!<p>

NOT THE SHORTS, GENTLEMAN! _PLEASE_, NOT THE SHORTS!

Don't take out your gentlemanly sense of decency on me! That's so not cool! You're cool, aren't you Gentleman? Why do you have to cockblock my dreams like that? I know it's just a pair of legs, and it might sound shallow and creepy, but I can't help it – I love them. I look forward to seeing them all week, and no matter what bad things are going on, I always have something to look forward to and cheer me up. That can't be a bad thing, right, no matter how pervy it is.

So if you _have_ to go and tell Arthur something about his shorts then tell him he looks fucking amazing in them. You tell him from me. Let him know how _perfect_ I think he looks.

Tell him he looks so hot I don't know what to do with myself. Tell him I don't know whether to love him or hate him for what he does to me. Tell him I don't know if it's a gift or a punishment. Tell him I dread gym class, but at the same time, I can't _wait_ for it. (Tell him that he's clearly giving me dual personality disorder or something!)

Tell him those shorts are responsible for turning a straight guy. Tell him it's not embarrassing to look that sexy – he should feel like a million dollars! Tell him if I looked that good in _anything_ I'd wear it like there was no tomorrow – even if it was a tutu or something. It doesn't matter what the piece of clothing is, the fact is he looks perfect in those shorts, so it's not stupid or embarrassing to wear them.

There's no way he knows how good he looks. If he did, he'd be the most vain and narcissistic person in the world – and he'd be fucking _entitled_ to it. Because he looks hotter than everyone else. End of story.

In some ways I wish he knew, because he should feel just as confident as he deserves to be for how good he looks. But in other ways, I'm glad he doesn't – because seeing Arthur act like his usual grumpy self and not even realize how gorgeous and sexy he is just makes me want him even more.

And don't you think other people would have mentioned it already, in the past 2 and a half _years_, if they thought the shorts looked dumb? The reason nobody's bullied him about the shorts is because they _can't_. You just can't go up to someone who looks that good and make fun of them for it. When someone looks that hot, you feel too shy to talk to them, even if you _usually_ hate their guts and bully them. Those shorts are a weapon, even if Arthur doesn't realize how dangerous he is in them.

So you go tell him all that. Make sure he knows. Because every single word of it is true, and I don't want another second to go by that Arthur doesn't know someone thinks he's the most perfect, beautiful, hot, sexy, gorgeous, handsome, cute, adorable, all-the-attractive-words-things on the whole goddamned planet.

I guess I should write that in my apology letter to him, huh? But I'm worried it would scare him off – it might be coming on a little strong. So maybe you could tell him for me? You know I'm a good guy (right?) so maybe you could put in a good word. So it doesn't sound like I'm a total depraved weirdo. And so he actually believes it. Because he just has to.

_OR_ just don't tell him about the shorts at all! Then you don't have to give him my embarrassing message, Arthur doesn't need to freak out about what he's been wearing for the past 3 years, and I get to keep looking at his legs. Everybody wins!

I'm busy tonight, so I'll reply to the rest of your email tomorrow. Just had to get this to you before you do something stupid and tell Arthur not to wear his shorts anymore. That would be a crime.

TTYL

The Hero!


	14. Friday, 20 Jan, 23:11

23:11 – Friday, January 20th 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Happy one week anniversary! You know, I should probably tell you: a lucky is for life, not just for a temporary anonymous email exchange project. So expect many more anniversaries to come. Even if you pretend to get all irritated and cynical with me sometimes, you obviously like being friends – now that we've been talking for a whole week, you can't pretend you don't. So you're stuck with me – I'm <em>your<em> lucky for good now. Just wanted to let you know, so you can plan your life accordingly.

As my anniversary gift to you I, The Hero, hereby promise not to look for, pay attention to, or care about clues about your identity _ever_ _again_.

I didn't do it in your last email – I just read what you said, and didn't dig deeper. I didn't try and think "Hmm, would Lukas say that?" or "Who has a free period during that time?" Because you're right: it _doesn't_ matter to me.

I've liked getting to know _the Gentleman_ through these emails, no matter who that was in real life. It wasn't fun just because I was trying to figure out who you were: I genuinely liked making friends with _this_ person I started talking to. Even if I _did_ somehow figure out your true identity, and even if it was someone I liked in reality _anyway_, that wouldn't change the fact that you've been the Gentleman to me, first and foremost. And you don't need to be anything more for me to like you _just_ the way you are in these emails. I _need_ you to understand that.

And for the record, I feel like _I_ must be easy to figure out, too. I can pretty much guarantee that you've already thought I must be who I really am – you just won't let it sink in. Honestly, I don't blame you.

About my email yesterday: I hope it didn't freak you out. (I promise I'm not a sex pervert!) But hopefully you understand what I was trying to say. Like hopefully you understand what I mean when I say it was _the Gentleman_ I got to know and like in these emails, true identity aside.

Anyway, enough of that deep stuff. We're just gonna stay anonymous email partners, so none of that matters. On to other stuff!

I gotta admit, I don't actually know anything about Sherlock Holmes apart from the Robert Downey Jr. movies, and I always assumed they were probably a bit different from the books. (I mean, old timey Victorian books can't be that awesome!) All I know is that I see a lot of gifs of the BBC actors on tumblr with some pretty homosexual implications. But you sound like an expert on Sherlock Holmes, so I'll just go with you on this one. They're totally not gay!

And dude, you know you don't wanna be cold and unfeeling like Sherlock. Having a crush is awesome. Granted, it's way better when they like you back, but I know liking Arthur has made my life pretty full on this end.

Awww, you got me: I _did_ always picture you in a top hat. Sitting there at your computer drinking tea with your pinkie out, with a monocle, and a cane, dressed like you're headed out to the opera in ye olde dayes.

I love how I spent my childhood wanting to be a superhero, and you spent yours wanting to be a gentleman. I mean, it's the same deal and we have a lot in common, and I think we could have been great friends – it's just a shame you were born 200 years ago and we'll never get to meet! XD

No worries about being a "mama's boy." I love my mom _so_ bad, so I totally get that. My brother is more of the mama's boy in our family to be honest, but since my brother's awesome, that means mama's boys are cool. Well, they _can_ be, as long as they're not all selfish and spoiled and stuff. But you seem to have taken good things from it, so it's okay.

But you know, for a wannabe gentleman, you can be a little mean. You should work on that. Gentlemen are nice and polite, aren't they? What would your _mother_ say if she heard the way you speak to me sometimes? She'd have a heart attack, the poor lady!

Okay, you can go on about being selfish and petty, but from what I've seen, you're awesome. Try and improve if you want, but just don't ever change too much, okay Gentleman? "Be yourself" is great advice in your case. I meant it when I said you're perfect just the way you are – it would be a shame to try and be more like everyone else because the world would be missing out on someone awesome.

If you don't care about being a politician, it's just something you think you _should_ do, then don't do it! Your job should be something you feel like you _must_ do. Like there's no other options – you just _have_ to do it or your life will have been wasted!

We're all pretty rich around here, and the academy is a great school, so we have tons of opportunities. We can literally be anything we want. So _be_ whatever you want. Not everybody has the chance you're getting. I mean, yeah, technically we should use those opportunities to do something good and world-changing for the human race and future generations. But nobody's gonna be mad at Roderich for being a musician, or hate on Feliciano for being a chef. (These are just my assumptions for their futures, by the way.) Chances are, if you're doing something you love, then you will be making other people happy too. Being a chef because you _want_ to be means you'll make great food that other people love. You might write great music because _you_ like it, but if you're that passionate and dedicated about it then other people are gonna enjoy it too. And touching people like that is never a bad thing.

And I think whatever _you_ do, Gentleman, you're gonna make people's lives better, even if it's from focusing on something more personal and creative than world-changing. So think about it. Think about what you want, what you feel like you _need_ to do, and you'll make the world a better place by working towards that, I'm sure of it.

I don't usually give serious advice like that 'cause it sounds…well, I'm sure _you_ have plenty of comments on how it sounds. But I feel like I owe you, after that career advice you gave me.

Everything you said – Jesus, it made me so pumped to start working right now. Every word you wrote I was like "Yes! Yes! I _have_ to do this! _This_ is my future!" Just going to school the next day was so annoying because it felt like a waste of time when I should be out working on what's really important! It was _so_ clear to me, after reading your email. It was really like…figuring out my destiny or something. Sorry for being such an idiot, but that's just how it felt.

I'm destined to be a secret agent!

Just kidding! I'm talking about helping people who are suffering emotionally, of course. Just like you said.

God, it made _so_ much sense to me. Sure, it's not the flashy superhero stuff I like to daydream about, but I can't think of anything more worthwhile and important I could do with my future. Life can be unfair: bad things can happen to good people and make them want to give up. But I could try and help them enjoy life again when they lose hope. People with depression, or anxiety disorders, or psychological trauma… Nobody deserves to suffer like that, and I want to help make their lives better if I can. Kids, especially. I'd like to help kids.

So _thank you_, Gentleman. You have no idea how awesome it feels knowing exactly what you want to do for the rest of your life, and _you_ made that happen for me. So I'll help you in any way I can, too. (Even if it means sappy speeches like I attempted up there…) I owe you one. **Big** time.

I was thinking about the goals of this email project and stuff after what you said last time, so I asked around – and did you know most people haven't even emailed their anonymous partner yet? Like 3 of my friends have bothered to email their person. Isn't that sad? I think about how much fun I've had talking to you and how I feel like I've really made an awesome friend – and they probably won't even try to talk to each other at all.

I think that if just a few people could come out and tell everyone else how much they'd gotten from the project, maybe other people would be encouraged to put a little effort in, too. And actually I think a big event like a Capulet and Montague (yes, I get the reference) making friends in public would bring the school together more in general, whether it got people using their emails or not. It would just make people realize we're not as stuck and secluded as we think we are.

Maybe that was really what the email project was about? Not getting _everybody_ to talk, but just working with the odds that a _couple_ of people will get something out of the emails, start breaching each other's social circles, and maybe starting a chain reaction.

Or maybe I'm just looking at it too hard. Maybe the staff should just cut their losses and try harder with next year's freshman? OTL

But no matter what happens, I'm glad I've made _you_ have hope in your fellow man – especially the popular people. Sure we got here by being dicks in freshman year, but the clique-iness isn't a mean-spirited thing. We're just…too proud to say sorry, even if we know we were wrong at the start. And we can't change now; this is the way things are. I know how stupid it sounds, but that's the way all people are, right? _You_ know it, you do the same thing with Alfred: you can't talk to him because you're too proud, and you think you can't be friends because that's the way things have always been.

But it's just laziness and insecurity. It's literally the most stupid reason humans do anything, but it's behind a lot of things in our lives. We feel like we can't change anything, so we don't even _try_ – we just live with it. We get _stuck_, and let ourselves believe there's no way out. Even if we're _certain_ everything would get better with just a bit of effort, we feel too embarrassed or nervous about trying to make a change because of what others would think, so we don't even bother. Like you said: "It's so silly and childish of us to keep being this obstinate and adolescent about it, when we're only hurting ourselves." But we still do it. And grownups do too. I guess it's natural even if it is stupid, so I don't blame people for being too insecure and lazy to make changes.

But _I've_ taken my first step to stop being like that. I wanted to write it earlier, but I thought now would be the most dramatic moment to tell you!

I told my brother, my roommate, and my best friend that I like Arthur. I told them I didn't want encouragement, just sympathy, and they seemed cool with that. They actually said they'd already guessed everything! I mean, I knew they were smart, but that's just crazy! I thought I hid it pretty well… It was actually kinda nice knowing they'd figured it out, but didn't pressure me. They were waiting until I was ready to tell them. God, I love those guys.

It was a huge relief getting it off my chest. They seemed happy for me – you know, that I had come to understand and accept something so important about myself. And they were happy that I'd confided something in them, because it made them feel loved, and they made _me_ feel so loved, and they don't treat me any different at all and it's all really awesome.

And I owe it all to you, Gentleman. Telling you _first_ made me see it actually wasn't the gigantic, uncrossable wall I'd built up in my head. It helped me find the willpower and desire to tell other people. And now I'm really happy and actually feel more confident about myself because I'm not hiding anything anymore and people are fine with who I really am. I thought it would make me nervous, but it's the opposite: I feel liberated. Sure, these were my closest friends so it's easier, but still, I'm actually kind of excited to tell _more_ people. But there's a couple of things I've gotta do first.

When I came out… Wow, it's so weird to put the words so clearly like that. It doesn't feel like _I_ wrote that, or that it's something _I_ would ever need to say – but I have, and it makes me feel like a different person a bit. It's kinda scary. But not so bad, I guess. It's more scary like a challenge that's gonna take some effort to tackle, but one that's not impossible, and which is gonna lead to good things.

Sorry, I got sidetracked there. What I was about to say was: when I came out, my best friend actually acted a lot like you said Elizaveta does. Taking an "unhealthy interest" in my confession. I mean, he was totally cool about it, and I know we're best friends so it's natural for him to care and be interested in the situation. But he just seemed _really_ interested. In _every_ detail. It was nice of him, but still kinda weird. It's like you said "it's always the quiet ones." This guy always seems so normal and reasonable, but then suddenly it turns out he's a secret yaoi fangirl. Maybe he and Elizaveta should hook up. Actually, on second thought, let's never let them get to know each other better, or we could all be in a lot of trouble.

You _know_ I've liked getting to know you, too. You've helped me accomplish so much in just a freaking week! So even if you haven't started dancing round the halls making friends with everyone, you've been invaluable to me, Gentleman. (Yep, bringing back my new favourite word!) And I'm glad for anything good you get from me out of these emails, even if it's just a laugh.

You know what, I can't remember where I heard that Alfred likes science. Can't remember if _he_ told me, or if it was someone else, or if I just assumed that because he's good at it. He probably likes gym the best anyway, 'cause he loves sports.

What do you think about Alfred and his theatre stuff, anyway? We haven't talked about that yet. Do you think it's just a popularity thing or he actually likes it? I never get to see the school productions, but I see them on video afterwards.

Your lecture on taking studies seriously is duly noted. Instead of just calling you a teacher's pet, I will take it all into consideration – because I owe you, like I said, and this is the least I can do. I will focus more on literature studies from now on. But I still think it would be easier and valuable for us to read _good_ books and graphic novels. Just saying.

Dude, I'm not _paying_ you to be my crime fighting partner. You're gonna do it for free because you're secretly a good guy. But I do think the mean 'I don't give a shit' persona is a great cover for you – like Bruce Wayne being a millionaire playboy. If you _act_ like a jerk to everyone, no one will suspect you're Awesome Dude's partner! (Awesome Dude is a working name for my superhero persona. It's not final...)

Yeah, _suuuuuure_ you're really annoyed about being given all that yaoi porn. And if that "sure" wasn't long enough, here's another one, just to make sure you know I'm being sarcastic. _Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure_ you're too prim and proper to enjoy erotic novels. I bet you actually love it. I bet you've got porn hidden in textbooks when you pretend to study in your room. You can moan about it all you want, but I can tell you're a perv.

Okay, okay! So _you_ like to play air guitar, and _I_ like to lip sync…

Dude, we should start an _air band_! It'll be totally sweet! In fact, we have our whole future sorted out now! Running our awesome movie quote business on weekdays, fighting crime as superheroes at night, and kicking ass at air concerts on the weekends! I'm so excited! It's a little different from helping people like I originally planned to do with my future, but it's gonna be too awesome to miss. So this is happening.

But hey, I can't just let you in on my multi-billion dollar movie quote business without some credentials! You've gotta show me what you can do first. I need to see your skills before I allow you into the company – and _believe_ me, you want to be part of this company: it's gonna make you rich beyond your wildest dreams! So come on, give me the goods. I want some of your mushy romantic Alfred daydream quotes!

It's no big deal about football. I mean, it's not like I _hate_ it, I just miss baseball. I always liked it the best, and now I never have time to just enjoy it like I did when I was a kid. But I guess it's good I didn't choose to join the baseball club at school – because maybe if I had, it would be _baseball_ I hated now, you know? The pressure would have taken the fun out of _any_ sport, no matter how much I liked it.

But anyway, you're right. As usual. (Don't you ever get tired of that?) I won't carry on with football at college just because someone else wants me to. I wanna spend time trying new stuff, you know? I think my dad wants me to keep up with football so I won't have time for drink and drugs and one-night stands at college, but maybe if he would just get it through his head that being on the football team makes it easier for me to get all those things? XD

You're a guy – what sport do you play? I mean, maybe you're not in a club at school, but you gotta have something you like, right? I get that you're a literature guy, but you seem pretty competitive and active to me, so I bet you have a sport where you kick ass. My guess is…fencing. It would have to be a sport they actually existed when you were born, 300 years ago. ;P

Yes, my Disney movie date idea isn't manly. Don't you think I _know_ that? If I had any control over it, it would be something manlier – like we could go watch a football game and then a western movie. _But I just can't help it!_ I am _so_ gay for that guy! Like crazy gay! I swear I used to be pretty macho and cool – but now I'm like "I wanna cuddle him and nuzzle him and feed him from my plate at a restaurant and buy him teddy bears!" ...What the fuck? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love loving him and I don't care how stupid I look. I _want_ to look like a fool for him, so he knows I mean it. But I don't think he would be impressed by me being so desperate and publicly embarrassing about him.

We're totally going to Disneyland, by the way. You and me. Even if I have to bring my laptop and…Oh wait, but we need to use the school server to access these email accounts…Hey, Gentlemaaaannnn~ Do you have MSNNNN~?

Oh, right, you just think Alfred seems like an open type of guy. I thought for a second he was wearing the wrong color socks or whatever and that meant people thought he was gay. Did you ever have that in your junior high? At our school, they said white socks meant you were secretly playing for the other team.

Maybe Alfred doesn't want to experiment with randomers though? I mean, even if he is open to both genders, maybe he's a one-girl/guy type of person? After all, he clearly hasn't taken advantage of those girls throwing themselves at him for two and a half years straight, so he doesn't seem like a player.

And maybe the mystery of him not having a girlfriend is because not only is he not a player – he's actually retardedly romantic and isn't just waiting for _a_ girlfriend, he's waiting for _the_ girlfriend! Whatever his reasons, I think that's some pretty hefty commitment to whatever he's got going on in his head.

Can you maybe get drunk and email me? I guess we'll never get to drink in person together, but I at least wanna experience the epicness that is a drunken Gentleman. …Omg, now that I've put it into those words "a drunken gentleman", I need it SO bad. PLEASE! I will legitimately die if you don't do this for me.

HEY! I _am_ the ideal sibling! I look out for my brother! He's not that popular, and he gets overlooked a lot, so I make sure to invite him to whatever I'm doing. Even though he usually says no. And…okay, I guess the _reason_ he gets overlooked is because I take up most of the spotlight – at school, at home, wherever. And trying to make up for it by asking him to hang out with my boring popular friends is pretty dumb… So I mean, I _am_ a good sibling but maybe I've screwed him over a little by accident. I guess I could have taken a step aside sometimes and pushed him forward more to be the focus, instead of just trying to make him join _my_ world as compensation.

I _do_ always cheer him on with whatever he's doing though – it's not like I try and _force_ him to be like me. I think he should be exactly who _he_ is. It's just who he _is_ is kind of quiet and just…_nice_, so he never gets a chance to make a big statement like I always do. So I thought letting him join my crowd was an easy way for him to get the attention he deserves.

So don't be depressed about missing out on the perfect family dynamic. Even families who love each other can mess each other up sometimes without noticing.

I am going to take your advice again and start phasing from the popular crowd to my real friends. It's all part of my "BE YOURSELF MAKE A CHANGE YES WE CAN THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE" plan. (Okay, so I'm not that great with names. I just needed it to sound inspirational.)

Coming out to my close friends was the first step. Now I'm gonna spend more time at school with the people I actually like. And hopefully that will encourage my popular friends to see that other people are actually worth their time too, even if they're in different clubs and don't spend all their time gossiping about everyone's love lives.

I don't think it will make them toss me out of the golden circle, like they would do if it were a TV show or movie. I think they'll realize they don't actually care _who_ we all talk to, and it will make other students see there's nobody enforcing all this self-imposed separation between us. I'm not saying I'm gonna single-handedly be able to change everything about the social awkwardness in this school. But at least one person has taken this email project to heart, right? This is another gift from me to you – 'cause when you first emailed me, you were all about following the staff's orders and trying to make changes like they told us to. I'll do my part.

You thought Alfred was "okay" the first time you saw him? Dude, that's adorable. You pretend to be all cynical and cold, but really you're just a hopeless romantic like me. It's awesome.

But I get that you were annoyed about it because he was mean to you. Probably made you feel like you were destined to be with an abusive partner – if you only like people who are horrible to you. But now you know it's not true. Alfred doesn't hate you at all. He was only horrible 'cause he was stupid.

And he probably only went on with the bullying and being an idiot because of the whole lazy and insecure thing, like I said earlier: he'd started out acting like that, people saw him as that person, and he got too self-conscious to change it. Didn't stop him from doing all those nice things anyway, since that's who he really is, but he just made it a different part of his life than the attention-seeking spotlight bit.

And yeah, you're the only person I've heard say they saw all those things Alfred did/does. I mean, people know he volunteers, but I'm pretty sure they think it's just for his résumé. And I don't think anyone bothers to look as closely as you do and put 2 and 2 together that he can actually be decent for more than 5 minutes without hoping to just get people to like him. Sure, they know he's not a _bad_ guy, but it's the original first impression that people still see when they look at him – and Alfred will always be the attention-seeking, loud-mouthed class clown jock to most people.

Except you, of course. You can see who he wanted to be even when he was too insecure to change himself.

Hey, that's a pretty awesome super power right there, Gentleman! You can see into people's inner selves! So if we capture a bad guy you can tell if he's lying to us! Or if someone dodgy tries to help us (and I totally let them because I'm all naïve) you can be like "No, Awesome Dude! He's trying to trick us! He's going to gain our trust and then blow us up in our secret headquarters!" Or no! Wait! He would actually try and FRAME us and make the world think we were evil – those story arcs are always epic!

Oh, and speaking of: I can't believe you made a superhero analogy with Alfred! If you said that about me, I think I would have to fall in love with you.

But _DUDE_! You can't let people know you're a superhero _and_ a civilian! That's superhero 101! Because then your family gets kidnapped by the bad guys and stuff!

It's a little less dramatic in Alfred's case, but I kind of understand it. Sure it _does_ seem a bit contradictory that he wants to be popular, but hides all the really nice stuff he does. But then think about: if he really doesn't care about popularity anymore, like you believe, surely it makes _sense_ that he keeps his good deeds a secret? He may do the acting and football and golden boy stuff to be popular. But the good deeds are just to be helpful and nice to people who need it. He doesn't do it to get rewarded by having people like him more. If you _really_ wanted to do something helpful and selfless for someone else, you wouldn't show it off – because then you _are_ getting something out of it, whether you want to or not.

So I guess superhero-Alfred is the golden boy with his football and acting, all famous and popular. And civilian-Alfred spends time helping people and just being decent without trying to take make a big deal out of it and devalue his efforts.

I know that you understand that, since you've already figured out he doesn't do these things just to be popular. And I mean, it's not like I've given Alfred's situation as much thought, but I guess I agree. Again, you sound like the expert on this topic, so I guess I'll just go with you on this one too. XD

And now for _my_ area of expertise: Arthur Kirkland!

You're right, I'm sure he's had a great time here. I mean, he seems to really throw himself into being student council president and I can tell he enjoys it. I just wish I could have been more a part of his happy memories here. But I shouldn't make it all sound so final: we still have a year and a half left at this place!

What do I like about Arthur?

I feel bad because you have all these awesome clear examples of why you like Alfred – the hamburger thing, the volunteering, yadda yadda. I wish I had some hard evidence to explain to you why I like Arthur, but for me it wasn't anything he ever _did_. He didn't show me another side that made me think "Wow, he's secretly cool!" I didn't learn anything about him that other people didn't know, so it doesn't make sense that I see him differently to other people.

I just _liked_ him, for exactly who he was the second I met him. And nothing ever changed that, no matter how obvious it was that we didn't get along.

He's incredible, and I just can't believe him. Yeah, people were telling some pretty embarrassing stories about him when we got here, but I still thought he was so cool. He was so mature and smart and creative and hardworking and determined, no matter what anyone was saying about him. It was everything a hero is supposed to be. I mean I love being me, but if I were more like Arthur I'd feel like I could do _anything_! He does everything I work to be without even _trying_. And I don't think he even realizes how awesome he is! Arthur's a natural born hero - the way a hero's _supposed_ to be. Compared to him I'm just a fanboy, a wannabe. God, I think he's amazing.

That's pretty much all there is to my Arthur Kirkland awareness campaign. "Look at this guy! He's perfect! What is wrong with you people that you can't see this?"

I feel really bad saying it, but perfectly honestly, I'm glad I'm the only one who sees how amazing he is. Because I couldn't bear to watch him get all the attention he would get if other people saw it, too. I'd be so jealous. God, I'm such a bad person…

Oh, and don't worry – I know he hates being called "Artie." Found that out the hard way…

Hey, you know all that stuff you said about "don't think Arthur hates you anymore, because you were just young and made a mistake and we all do it and get over it?" (In your email it starts at "I know you will continue to beat yourself up over hurting Arthur in the past" and ends with "well, what can we do.") You should go back and read what you said, and feel that way about Alfred. Pretend you're not giving that advice to me (a friend) about the guy I like. Pretend it's you and Alfred you're talking about, and believe it like you want me to believe it – and that way you'll see what I was trying to tell _you_ that Alfred can't hate you anymore either. You don't have to feel insecure about your awkward past with him. You can make a fresh start if you want and he would jump at the chance to be your friend, I'm sure of it. You can make a change if you want to because nothing's holding you back except the stuff in your head.

You said at the end "We set ourselves back in regards to actually getting anywhere with Alfred and Arthur, but…well, what can we do?" _That's_ what I was talking about! The lazy/insecure thing (though this time it's mostly insecurity). You feel like you can't make a change just because of the way it was at the beginning. But if all that stuff you said is true for me and Arthur then it's true for you and Alfred: we've all moved on. We set ourselves back at the beginning, but now we've caught up. So what can we _do_ to get anywhere with Alfred and Arthur? We can _try_. We shouldn't let ourselves be too afraid to give it a chance. I mean, I get that it's scary to put ourselves on the line like that, but we both deserve to get what we want, and the only way we can do that is to _try_.

I'm not saying today, or maybe even all that soon if you don't want. But I think you shouldn't let yourself believe you have no options just because of how awkward things _used_ to be. You can do _anything_ you want, Gentleman. Sure, love depends on the other person too, so you can't just go out and take that. But you need to know just how amazing you are Gentleman, and that people are going to _want_ to know you if you'll put yourself out there and let them. At the very least, Alfred is gonna want to be your friend, and that's not half bad.

I'm glad you think Arthur would like to hear those things I said, but I won't need you to tell him for me. I'll make sure to tell him myself someday, in person. That's the kind of thing he deserves to hear face to face. I should probably just send him a letter, but hey, I'm an idiot and I want to do the right/awkward thing. I'm pretty sure he'll still try and make himself believe it's a joke, but in the end he'll have to accept it. I'll make sure he believes it.

We've been over the shorts issue… No need to cover that one again XD I seriously hope you listened to me and didn't go tattling on me to Arthur's modesty!

You mean you weren't wearing your 19th century opera suit when you emailed me? I am disappoint! But you're wearing it now, right? And so what if it sounds like I'm asking "perverse" stuff. You are _kiiiiinda_ like my call girl…I mean, I talk to you anonymously to make me happy, and I like you a lot even though you don't want me to know who you are in real life, and I know you're _totally_ blushing right now. XDDD I don't even need to be there to know it's true!

In return for you trying to _kidnap_ my favorite pair of shorts from my favorite pair of legs, I am going to embarrass you even more right now:

You said Wednesdays are your favourite day because of Alfred. And you said you couldn't reply to my message on Wednesday because there were "other matters that required your attention" during your free period. So…you were creeping over Alfred, huh? That's my guess. (And this isn't me trying to figure out your true identity by finding out who had a free period with Alfred on Wednesday – I'm just making an observation.) I actually think it's kina cute, and you know I do the same thing with Arthur, so don't be all defensive about it. As long as you're not hurting anyone, a little "stealthy attention" isn't so bad, right? (At least that's what I tell myself so I can sleep at night…)

It took me seriously forever to write this email! I should probably go back and edit more because I'm sure I repeated myself a lot and ended up sounding dumb. _You_ and your lit studies always know how to say just the right thing in a few words to make me open my eyes. But I'm just not so good with words, so I just say things over and over and hope they'll sink in and you'll believe me.

Anyway. Hopefully you get all the things I'm trying to tell you. You're smart, so I know you can figure it all out.

TTYL

The Hero


	15. Saturday, 21 Jan, 16:00

16:00 – Saturday, January 21st 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>Well, I suppose you'll get all upset and juvenile if I don't say it back so: happy anniversary. (You idiot.)<p>

I thought I wasn't allowed to call you 'lucky'?

Thank you for not prying anymore. I know I was being a bit touchy, but I'm sure you understand why I was a little apprehensive about it.

And I just want to say: likewise. I've liked getting to know The Hero, too. You honestly could have been _any_body – what with the average way you talk and your anecdotes of a normal teenage life. But despite believing you were some average drone, and, in fact, despite eventually knowing that you were some ex-bully jock that I would normally hate on principle, you soon became _some_body to me, anyway. Yes, I had my guesses about who you might be, but soon I stopped _caring_ if you were this or that person in real life because I just wanted to know you, come what may. Whomever he was in real life, I found The Hero I was emailing to be unique and thoughtful and very decent company, and not as daft as he pretends to be sometimes – he's just light-hearted and doesn't mind making a fool of himself, so it masks how perceptive and mature he can really be.

I consider myself lucky to have met you and befriended you in the way I have, because I feel proud to have gotten to like you for who you _really_ are, regardless of your true identity. Not many people get the opportunity we have had, and, basically, I wouldn't change any of this for the world.

That load of sap can be my anniversary gift to you, and don't expect any more. Ever. That is quite enough for good. (And hopefully the above proves that I can be quite cheesy and ridiculous enough for that potential movie quote business.)

I may have had an inkling once or twice about your identity, but you're right, I could never believe it. Any of my guesses.

And the email about the shorts…Well, I was a _little_ disturbed, naturally. But I think I do know what you were trying to say. At any rate, your devotion to Arthur is very touching, even if you do have to bring up his shorts and legs a little often and make it awkward.

And now for the topics that don't make me cringe quite so badly…

I'm hesitant to recommend the Sherlock Holmes books to you because I don't want you to read them and then not enjoy them. But you can't live your life just watching the movies – that's practically a crime. In fact, I may get into politics just so that I can _make_ it so. I'll pass a law saying that everyone must read the original book before they are allowed to see the movie adaptation.

I _do_ think you should try the BBC series of Sherlock, though. I'm sure you'll enjoy that. And no, I suppose Sherlock isn't the best person with whom to trade lives. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I think that something like _love_ is the most important thing in the world. I know that you need more than that in life, and that being with the person you love won't answer all life's problems. But, well, I don't exactly want to abandon it altogether.

I have never once worn a top hat or a monocle, or walked around twirling a cane. So _there_. I always picture _you_ typing on your laptop whilst sprawled out on your bed, wearing something childish and ridiculous like footie pyjamas with spaceships or cowboys on, or some such thing. So now you know how it feels. (Although, I wouldn't actually put it past you to own something like that in real life…)

And while we're on the subject: I only _seem_ so much older than you because you're that much too juvenile for your proper age. Now feel free to imagine me huffing snobbishly and sticking my nose up in the air at you, because then you'd be accurate for once.

"Be yourself"; "I like you just the way you are" - "You're too mean, work on it." Make up your goddamned mind, Hero! And my mother would be on _my_ side on this one, because nobody could listen to you be so infuriating without swearing on occasion. Besides, my mother is not the delicate flower she seems to be. She acts lovely, and she is – but she's more than capable of holding her own. My sailor's mouth wouldn't faze her at all. Of course, she wouldn't want me to use it in polite company, but that's irrelevant when I talk with you.

I'll give my career options a bit more thought then. I suppose it was inevitable, what with us all having to start thinking about university in the none-too-distant future.

I really admire your determination, Hero, and the goal you've set yourself is just extraordinary. It's so heart-warming it makes _me_ feel good just knowing about it, so I can only imagine how satisfying it must feel for you. It's the most heroic thing I can think of, truly. It really makes me proud to know you, and I wish you all the best.

Unfortunately, it makes all _my_ dreams sound selfish and useless. I'm inclined to agree with you – doing what you love is going to make not only you, but other happy people happy, as well. But I don't know how any of _my_ interests could help anyone. I like literature, mythology, cooking, crafts…nothing remotely beneficial to even _one_ other human being! I suppose that I rather like being around children. It has nothing to do with you or Alfred, I've just always liked children more than people my own age. I wonder if teaching, or…something.

Anyway, I'll mull it over.

Yes, I had feared, myself, that not many people were taking this email project too seriously. I've had more luck with _my_ friends, but still very few of them have emailed more than once or twice – and the ones that _have_ don't seem to be having particularly deep and meaningful conversations with their partner.

I suppose we'll just have to wait for a Capulet and a Montague to do their thing, then. It's noble, but I don't envy them – I would hate to be in their position.

Although that was a very astute observation you made: I hadn't thought about it in terms of a couple of catalysts causing a chain reaction, and setting an example for the rest of the student body. It does seem more immediate and effective as a way of getting the rest of the student body to interact – much more potential in that than the email project, I think. So even though I wouldn't want to be in their position, the Capulet/Montague idea is much better than my original belief that the whole school would have to have a simultaneous, family-sitcom epiphany that everyone can get along because we're not so different after all, etc.

I also think the "convert the freshman" plan has a lot of potential, too.

And as for your 'laziness and insecurity' philosophy, truer words were never spoken. Human beings have this fascination with self-improvement stories – even down to the make-over programs that seem to be on TV in abundance these days. We love hearing about people who managed to turn their lives around or make their dreams come true when it seemed impossible, because it's like a fairy tale. We live our own fantasies of change vicariously through these people who managed it for themselves. But if we put in the effort those people did, it could happen for any one of us, too. It doesn't have to be such a farfetched fantasy, because all the changes we could make are right there waiting for us.

I think we're all capable of crafting our lives into what we want them to be, but it's such a daunting task that we give in before we get started. Better to just accept what we have rather than try, and fail. Knowing you tried your best and it wasn't enough – that's even worse than settling.

I'm so proud of you for casting aside those stigmas, Hero. Coming out, hanging out with your less popular friends at school, plus these other mysterious steps you haven't mentioned yet…You're so brave, and I know all your efforts to change and improve your life will pay off. You're going to be great.

I'm glad your friends and brother were so accepting. (Not that I ever would have doubted them.) You were confident and optimistic when we started emailing, but now you're so blindingly bright and enthusiastic about everything I'm worried you'll start rubbing off on me.

But don't thank _me_! I had nothing to do with these positive changes. My advice and friendship may be important to you, but they aren't responsible for anything – you're finding strength and doing all of this yourself, Hero.

And it seems you might need all that strength in the near future if there's another Elizaveta around. May God have mercy on our souls…

Trust me: I get a lot of good out of these emails. I haven't done much with your encouragement to affect my environment and lifestyle the way you have; but, I can assure you, it's done me a power of good on the inside.

I think Alfred loves drama. Not for the praise and glory, or because he wants to be a movie star or anything: I think he loves all the work leading up to it. Working hard with a team to bring a project to life and seeing it all pay off, all the backstage fun and team dynamics – I think that's what he enjoys. But that's only the impression I acquired based on a few glimpses of him working on the school plays.

I love drama, myself, mostly for the literary aspects, but unfortunately I've not had much chance to participate in the school productions. I did one the first year, but the mockery I got for it was unbearable, so I didn't bother again. I have helped a little with organisation this year. Maybe next year I can actually join in a bit more. I would really like to. That is one thing I regret not experiencing here at the Academy.

I'm not confirming whether I read the occasional erotic novel or not; but if I _did_, I bet they'd be a step up from the erotica _you_ probably enjoy when it's not giving your computer deadly viruses.

I was really starting to believe you were a hero, with your ambition to help children, and encourage positive change in others by acting as a good example. Then you have to go and ruin it by abandoning those plans in order to be an amateur superhero with a weekend _air band_? For God's sake… The name 'Awesome Dude' should be clue enough that your future as a superhero is a bad idea that should be abandoned with the urgency of a sinking ship.

Don't you "But hey" _me_! The movie quote business was _my_ idea in the first place! _Your_ bright suggestion for our future (which I never agreed to spend with you in the first place!) was superheroic crime fighting (minus the useful powers), and "air concerts." _I_ was the one who came up with a lucrative and feasible plan for the future that isn't going to leave us humiliated, destitute, and/or institutionalised!

So 'hey!'_, _your_self_! You should be giving me _your_ portfolio of cheesy and insipid mushiness to earn a place in the business.

I suppose I can give you an example of my talents, though, to show you the level we expect at _my_ billion-dollar company.

My dialogue is usually a bit more subtle than yours, I'm sure. Not really Alfred's thing (though lately, I'm starting to wonder), but I simply didn't like to let myself entertain the possibility that he was secretly pining for me – so most of my daydreams had to revolve around me slowly winning him over with witty banter and gentlemanly charm. I'm not denying that in my sleepier moments, I might have accidentally imagined him bursting in and sweeping me off my feet in true Alfred style, for no other reason than that he had fallen head over heels in love with me and didn't need some painfully orchestrated scenario to get us there, like I did.

As well as being rather subtle and long-winded, most of my quotes revolve around fairly telling details about my identity. So I can't exactly tell you my best ones, in case they give you big clues (though frankly, I don't know why I even bother anymore).

So, here's a short one that's safe enough:

**INT. WORLD ACADEMY W, WEST ENTRANCE**

The Gentleman is standing just inside the shelter of the school building, looking out of the open doors at the pouring rain. He is clearly reluctant to venture out, as he has no umbrella in hand.

WE REVEAL Alfred F. Jones standing beside him.

**ALFRED**

(not looking at the other)

This rain, huh?

The Gentleman glances at him, not having noticed Alfred standing there. He looks back at the rain, showing no signs of being caught off guard by the other's unexpected arrival and presence.

**THE GENTLEMAN**

Mm.

**ALFRED**

D'ya ever get homesick?

**THE GENTLEMAN**

(gives it some thought)

Not really. I miss my country a little, but I like it here. I wouldn't change it.

**ALFRED**

(looks uncharacteristically and determinedly serious as he remains facing the rainy exterior)

Me, too. There's nowhere else I'd rather be… Than right here.

The "with you" at the end is unspoken, but they both hear it.

The Gentleman looks over, surprised and confused, though he doesn't show it. Alfred glances at him and they exchange A LOOK.

They know that this marks a change in their relationship. Tomorrow, Alfred will talk to him as if their history together did not exist; The Gentleman can call him stupid as usual, but there will be no bite to it, and Alfred will take it as a term of endearment. They can be friends now, and – slowly but surely – even more.

**ALFRED**

(glancing at the rain, then back to The Gentleman with a grin)

Wanna make a run for it?

**THE GENTLEMAN**

(lips quirking into a smile which Alfred will see much more from now on)

After you then.

**END SCENE**

Of course, all those subtleties and unspoken words and emotions will depend on the actors' skills…It's not going to be a very Hollywood-appropriate movie. Possibly something more European and introspective.

Anyway, there you have it. That's the sort of thing you'll have to live up to if you want to make a name for yourself in the burgeoning business of romantic movie quotes. Your own particular brand of cheesiness _may_ be a nice foothold for my company in the Hollywood scene, so if you beg hard enough, I suppose I _might_ be able to find a place for you in my company.

What's my sport? If I told you, it would be a bit of a giveaway. Other countries do play it, but you'll refuse to believe that and just focus on the obvious one. It's similar to baseball, actually. And I am partial to _real_ football – you know, the one where you actually use your feet. That's played everywhere but America, so you can't pin that on any one country in particular. I did actually do fencing for a time at my previous school, I'll give you that one.

I suppose I am rather competitive. And despite enjoying literature and theatre, I'm quite capable of thrashing anyone at most sports. I'm pretty good, if I do say so myself.

Yes, I would advise you against being a lovesick fool in public for Arthur's sake. But if you two were a couple, I'm sure he'd love to know he was appreciated so much that you'd throw away all dignity like that. Because then, if he liked you back, it might make him feel a little better about being a lovesick fool himself.

No, we're not going to Disney. I always think it's daft to go on holiday with a screaming child, so why would I go with you?

And hell no I'm not giving you any way to instant message me. All my email addresses and blogs, etc. I use my own name. And I don't even have MSN, so that's not an option.

We did have a few of those silly urban myths about homosexuality at my previous school. We didn't have the white socks one, because we had a school uniform and white socks went better with the girls' summer dresses. But there was a ridiculous rumour about the second floor boys' bathroom in the science department, saying that anyone who used the third stall was gay. I never asked why, or what was so telling about that stall in particular – I just took it as a given and steered clear of that whole bathroom entirely.

You think Alfred's holding out for his true love, eh? Well, how awfully _you_ of you. But then again, I find it unbelievable enough that he hasn't had one girlfriend in the past three years, so I suppose anything's possible.

Although now I'm facing the dilemma of wondering whether I would prefer it if had a million girlfriends, or one true love. Because you can compete with a million nobodies, but a soulmate? Don't stand a chance.

I don't think it would be safe for me to email you when drunk…I would have to write the email, check it the next morning to make sure I didn't say anything too revealing, and then send it. But I'd probably be too embarrassed to send it at all, even if there was nothing important in there. And that's assuming it was at all legible or coherent, which I highly doubt.

I'm sure that you make a fine brother. I can only imagine how much he must look up to you, in turn – your values and beliefs do make you a rather decent role model when you live by them as you are trying do. And I'm positive that he appreciates you coming out to him first: no matter what you've done in the past, it proves that you care what he thinks and want _him_ to accept you above everyone else. For him to know that someone like _you _looks up to and values him when you're both so different, I'm certain that he must find a great deal of encouragement and pride from that, even if he doesn't get to soak up much of his own from being in the spotlight himself.

I also believe that you'll find your popular friends don't give much of a shit if you hang out with other people at school sometimes. I could understand they might be a bit put-out if you ditched them entirely – but that's the same for any group of friends, and has nothing to do with popular vs. unpopular. I'll be glad to hear more about how this phase of your ridiculously named plan turns out. Especially considering it was one of the purposes of this email project. I wonder if it will encourage anyone else?

_ALL-FUCKING-RIGHT_! You want me to say it that badly then I will: I loved Alfred at first sight. There! Are you happy now? I've made an idiot of myself because you can't function in anything other than absurd movie logic! It's not even true, anyway. Love at first sight…No such thing. I mean, it makes it sound superficial – like love can be based on appearance alone. Whereas in _my_ case, seeing somebody and thinking he's good looking, _and_ just getting a vague impression that he seems okay – that's reasonable and not shallow! You can appreciate someone's looks and get a generally good impression of a person from one glance – but you can't get feelings as deep as _love_ from one look, and if you think you can, then you're a blithering, superficial idiot.

Yes, I've never heard anyone else mention Alfred's volunteering, his charity work, or his unassuming friendliness either. I always wondered if it were just _me_ making a big deal out of nothing because of how I feel about him, but…it's not just me being lovesick, is it? All that stuff is impressive and endearing! I don't know anybody else who could manage all that, even if I know people who would _try_.

I appreciate you trying to rationalise Alfred's past bullying even further, but honestly, I think we've said all that there is left to say on the matter. It's in the past. I'm relieved to have gotten to talk it all out with you, because I feel like I have some closure now: we've both made it clear that we forgive each other, and Arthur and Alfred for all that ridiculousness of freshman year. I don't have any hard feelings, and it's silly to dwell on it any longer, so now I'm more than ready to put it all behind me and move on.

My "_superpower_" may be "_seeing into people's true selves_", which may be "_impressive_", (I don't know how many quotations you need before you get the picture…) but I think you're quite formidable yourself, Hero.

You _act_ dumb and friendly, and people let their guard down around you, as I've done…and that lets you see more than people want you to know. You could be quite scary if you wanted to, Hero – charm people and play the fool, get everyone to tell you their little secrets, and they wouldn't even know they'd done it. Rather more evil villain material, don't you think?

(Now hopefully that will prevent you falling in love with me. We can't have _that_ now, can we.)

I supposed all your reasoning on Alfred keeping his good deeds a secret makes sense. I've thought the same things myself. It still staggers me, though. I don't think I've ever done anything nice without expecting or wanting a reward. Not that I go around hoping for _medals_ or anything; I'd just like a "thank you" every now and then. And the fact that I never get them makes me want them more, so I end up going out of my way to do fantastic things, just looking for a simple acknowledgement. Rather pathetic, really…But at least I'm not after anything more, I suppose.

"Area of expertise: Arthur Kirkland"…That didn't sound creepy at all, Hero.

For the record: I think your reasons for liking Arthur are perfectly adequate – even a little endearing, if I'm honest. But I must admit: I'd feel a bit better if there were some major event that made you like Arthur as unconditionally as you do. Saving your family from a burning building, perhaps. Just liking him for who he is makes me think you'll get disillusioned, or grow out of it, one day.

Not that I'm belittling your feelings again; I know how sincerely you feel, and I think it's lovely. I just still have trouble seeing it myself – no offense to either of you. I'm sure you feel the same about my feelings for Alfred. I've tried to look at him through your eyes and I just can't see the appeal. But that hero compliment, coming from _you_ – the world's number one 'wannabe' hero…well, it actually made him go up in my esteem. I'm not even a hero fanatic like you are, but I could tell how huge a compliment that was, and how highly you regard him, and it made me think better of him.

You're not a bad person for being jealous. That's perfectly natural. As long as you never tried to thwart his attempts to be happy. But I know you would never do that; that's not the hero's way.

I did go back and read that segment of my email, trying to relate it to myself and Alfred. It needed some tweaking, but the general idea…I understand what you're trying to say, and I appreciate it. And as I mentioned earlier, I agree with it all, and think it's time to move forward from that age of freshman confusion and immaturity.

I mean, not _power_ forward. Yes, I agree that it's time to move on and not _worry_ about the past anymore. But 'not worrying' is entirely different from taking a huge leap like I think you want me to. There'll be no asking Alfred out, or trying to sit with him at lunch or anything. I'm not _insane_. But now I won't feel it's so impossible to at least talk to him without adding an insult on the end of every sentence. I might even try to make small talk with him at some point.

I know it's probably not the drastic change you were aiming for from me, but it's a step ahead in the right direction, and I'm happy with that, at least. Very happy. I know you were expecting more, and I'm sorry for disappointing you. Please don't think less of me. I understand your worry about being too lazy and insecure to make a change, and I'm working on it. It will take time, though.

If my words mean anything to you, please don't tell Arthur any of that stuff to his face. Even if you have the best intentions, _he_ might feel awkward in that situation. You don't want to make him uncomfortable, do you?

I told Arthur about the shorts. I had to. I'm sorry for your loss.

I am _not_ like your call girl in any way, shape or form! Would you please stop this. Aren't you supposed to be in love with Arthur Kirkland? What do you think _he_ would have to say about you flirting with me so shamelessly, hm?

I refuse to comment on what I may or may not get up to during free periods on Wednesdays.

I'm glad you feel these emails are rewarding. I know they are for me, even if you feel ineloquent. It means a lot that someone wants to get something through to me so badly – especially since it's always you trying to boost my confidence and self-worth and so on.

As for understanding you, I'd like to think that I do. But even if I'm mistaken, the fact that _you_ understand _me_ means enough to me. More than you can possibly imagine.

And that little admission was cheesy enough to be your early anniversary present for next week. I can either balance it out with lots of insults, or you can take the early present and not get anything from me next week: which would you rather?

The Gentleman


	16. Saturday, 21 Jan, 17:37

17:37 – Saturday, January 21st 2012

To: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

From: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>It's time to meet.<p>

And I don't wanna give you time to lose sleep over it and back out, so we're meeting today. Right now.

As soon as you get this email, come find me. I won't wait for a reply because I don't want you trying to weasel out of this, and I know you'll get this message tonight anyway. If you're like me, you check your stupid email account every five minutes for a message from you. So I know you're reading this and I know you're nervous, but don't be. Just come and meet me.

You know the far back corner of founders' library – I think it's the philosophy section? I'll wait for you there. I'm heading over there right now, and I'm not leaving until you show up or they kick me out. And I'll do the same thing all day tomorrow, and the day after, and as long as it takes until you come. Even if you email me saying you don't want to meet, I'll still wait for you. So you don't want to be rude and keep me waiting too long do you? That's not the gentlemanly way.

And just so we know it's really each other, we'll have a special code to say when we meet in the library. I'll say "Lovely weather we're having." And you say "Yes, but I always carry an umbrella." Okay? Remember it, because that's important! There won't be anyone else around but just in case, you know? Besides, we have code_names_ so now we need code _words_. 'Cause we're awesome.

I can't wait to meet you, Gentleman. I'm tired of just writing to you over email because I don't ever wanna stop talking to you. I hate having to email one chunk, then stop and wait for your reply. I just wanna _keep_ talking to you and telling you everything, and listen to everything _you_ have to say. I wanna hear more about what you had for dinner, and what movies you wanna see, and help you figure out what to do for a job in the future. (And get you to tutor me in lit studies…)

And besides, I've started to turn into a crazy person these days, and it's _your_ fault! All day long I think everything in my head like I'm writing it to you. I used to think stuff like "_I'm hungry._" But now it's "_Hey, Gentleman, I'm so hungry! What do you think I should have? WHAT! Gentlemaaaan! They took my favorite snack out of the vending machine D: I bet you hate snacking and are all healthy and shit._ _What's your favorite food? Have you ever eaten at that restaurant? We should totally go there._" I'm pretty sure that means I'm going insane (talking to another person in my head) but if we met in real life I wouldn't have that problem because I could just say it out loud to the actual person. So you'd really be helping me out here if we could be friends in real life. I just wanna be able to look over at you and laugh about something, or tell you something I was thinking – it's not the same doing it over email.

So come find me. I'll be waiting.

TTY**SIP** (Talk to ya _**soon in person**_!)

The Hero

P.S. I really hope you are who I think you are.


	17. Saturday, 21 Jan, 17:43

17:43 – Saturday, January 21st 2012

To: your lucky (at) world academy w . edu

From: anonymous (at) world academy w . edu

Message:

* * *

><p>I know you won't get this until afterwards, but I'll reply anyway, because I need you to know that you're a horrible person. The worst. I hope you realise that.<p>

The Gentleman

P.S. Really? I don't know whether to hope that I'm right or pray that I'm wrong.


	18. Epilogue: Saturday, 21 Jan, 18:06

18:06 – Saturday, January 21st 2012

To: 09 hedervary e (at) world academy w . edu

From: 10 li mei (at) world academy w . edu

Message: **IRL USUK YAOI**

* * *

><p>NO TIME 2 EXPLAN! get 2 fndrs libry NOW! No noise, last isle, greek philos. B redy 2 recrd audio. Got vid coverd<p> 


	19. Epilogue: Saturday, 21 Jan, 18:07

18:06 – Saturday, January 21st 2012

To: 10 michel a (at) world academy w . edu

From: 10 li mei (at) world academy w . edu

Message: **IRL USUK YAOI**

* * *

><p>NO TIME 2 EXPLAN! get 2 cctv rm NOW! Bring my laptp meet u ther<p> 


	20. Epilogue: Saturday, 21 Jan, 19:15

19:15 – Saturday, January 21st 2012

To: otaku no hi (at) hotmail . com

From: seashells – by – the – seashore (at) hotmail . com

Message: **I hope you're ready for this…**

* * *

><p>Liz and Mei are currently catatonic, but I think they texted you already. If it wasn't coherent, here is basically what's going on:<p>

Mei was in the library and saw Arthur walking by with apparently "all the blushes." So she got curious and _officially_ stalked him to the back of the library.

(For the record, I am _not_ okay with this. I know we can all get a little passionate about yaoi [some more than others], but I don't think any of us have ever _actually_ followed or recorded someone before. Not to _my_ knowledge anyway – though I definitely wouldn't put it past you and the others. If you kept it secret to protect me from being convicted as an accomplice, then thank you.)

Anyway it turned out Arthur was there to meet up with Alfred, and some kind of confession was clearly going on. Mei listened in on them for a bit, but then decided this was serious business and we had to go all out for this. So she decided we are now a legit yaoi secret intelligence agency, and turned the whole thing into a crazy spy operation. I swear I didn't know what I was getting into, and when we are eventually caught and arrested I'm going to plead not guilty, and you guys have to back me up.

So Mei texted Liz to get down to the library and take over the job of **secretly recording someone else's conversation.**

Meanwhile, she texted _me_ to get over to the CCTV room to help her with the job of **tampering with surveillance and school property.**

A couple of things:

First of all, am I the only one who thinks the promise of BL does not outweigh our obligation to obey the law?

Second of all, when I say Mei "texted" me, I mean she sent messages across all platforms to make sure I would get at least _one_ of the messages asap. Facebook, tumblr, Twitter, emails on 4 different accounts – she even sent me a message on Neopets, for God's sake! I don't know whether to admire her dedication or be totally creeped out by her obsessiveness.

Third, I now rue the day I let Liz convince me to suggest that CCTV camera to the rest of the student council. I can't believe her prediction came true! She didn't know it would be Arthur and Alfred obviously, but she was _convinced_ that we could catch some people (hopefully guys) making out back there in the Greek philosophy section. I'm sure she expected lots of footage of Francis at least, since he was the one going on about it being a great place to fool around during school hours without getting caught. But I literally can't believe her plan worked…I thought it was over when word spread about the secret camera, and people stopped going back there to make out. But _nooo_. Somehow Liz still manages to hit the jackpot and catches goddamn _USUK_ on camera! How does she _do_ it?

Fourth: I wouldn't be surprised if she encouraged me to run for student council secretary **JUST** so she could have someone get that CCTV camera put in place, _and_ provide her with a key to the surveillance room so she could steal the videos if something ever _did_ happen... There is very little that I would put past her yaoi fangirlism – including using young, impressionable sophomores as puppets.

Sorry for the ranting. I'm just stressed from being coerced into committing so many felonies in one afternoon.

Back to the main event.

I met Mei outside the CCTV room with her laptop, 'cause she'd told me to bring it from our dorm. I didn't know why, at the time. Oh Angelique-from-an-hour-ago, you're so naïve. Your friends are far more insane than even _you_ suspected...

Anyway, I don't know what the hell she did, but Mei managed to copy the confession foootage to her computer, then made some kind of fake time loop to replace the blank minutes where she'd stopped the video to copy it, and… I just…God only knows. I am honestly frightened to know where, how and why she learnt to do all this computer stuff.

So, yeah. That's about all I've managed to gather of the situation from their babbling. Liz will be sending you the audio and video as soon as she wakes up from her coma, no doubt - so hopefully you can make more sense of this than I can. I still don't know exactly what the boys _said_ to each other, because I was with the CCTV stuff which doesn't have audio. I just know there was...Well, that's a spoiler. You can wait and see.

I hope you were ready for this massive, life-changing turn of events, and had all your worldly affairs in order. Because I know you will now abandon normal life and dedicate the entire foreseeable future to obsessing over _official_ USUK with Liz, Mei and Feliks. And Toris, 'cause he'll get dragged into it as usual.

Oh God I've just realised: that poor boy being Jones' roommate! I just _know_ Liz and Feliks are going to force him to spy on Arthur and Alfred. And if he refuses, like the decent human being he is, I'm actually worried they might graft recording equipment onto his body so he has no choice!

Just fyi: before she had her fangasm and collapsed in a puddle of her own drool, Liz mentioned something about doujinshi not being enough – you might have to turn this into an OVA. So yeah, good luck with that and your new life path of even more hardcore USUK shipping. I know you'll enjoy yourselves, but personally I'm sad to have lost so many friends in one day to extreme fangirlism…I'll miss you guys… At least I'll still have Lili and Emma and people, since they're not so much into USUK.

I'm sure you'll get about 50 messages from Mei about this whenever you next check your phone/email/various means of communication. You must be out, or more likely reeeaally into a game right now, because you didn't come meet us at the CCTV room when she messaged you earlier. And if _you_ of _all_ people didn't come running at the message "IRL USUK YAOI!" then I have to think the world must be ending.

Unless you're hurt…

_Are you hurt?_ Oh God! Did you get such a huge nosebleed after reading Mei's text that you died from loss of blood? Did you get yourself killed rushing to meet us at the CCTV room? That would explain it!

Okay that's it! I'm coming to find you!

Please be okay, Kiku!

(It's testament to the level of your yaoi fangirlness that I genuinely believe that only death or serious injury could have prevented you from being part of this. Feel proud or ashamed, whatever floats your boat.)

~ Angelique


	21. Epilogue: Sunday, 22 Jan, 23:19

23:19 – Sunday, January 22nd 2012

To: otaku no hi (at) hotmail . com

From: frying pan warrior (at) hotmail . com

Message: **I literally couldn't help it…**

* * *

><p>So, <em>this<em> has happened – a rough draft of the confession scene. I got a little carried away after you guys left today...

By the way, please don't mind how Angie was acting earlier. She has nothing against you or your creativity; she's just a little sore because she shipped FrUK and now that's died a very spectacular death. I know if it had been Arthur and Francis in the library yesterday, she'd be singing a very different tune. She'd have no problem with you making a few sketches from the video, or us listening to that audio a few times to try and figure out what the heck's going on. So don't let it get to you: it's not what _you're_ doing, it's just what's _happened_ that's making her kind of down. I know you tend to let yourself feel guilty about things which aren't your fault, but she's not mad at you, I swear, she's just a little disappointed.

I mean, I feel bad for her, I honestly do. FrUK was her OTP, and God knows I'd be a mess if my ship sank like that. And I'm really glad and proud that she's handling this so well – I know if _I_ were in her situation I'd be exactly 100% more homicidal. (She's new to yaoi, bless her – she hasn't given as much of her soul to the rainbow side as we have.)

But I think that those of us who _do_ like USUK should get to celebrate. I mean, _you_ of _all_ people should be allowed to have this moment: you ship those two harder than you ship yourself and Heracles for goodness's sake! (I know you're still in denial about him, but somewhere deep down you're shipping it.)

So I don't want to ignore Angie's feelings or rub this new canon relationship in her face – but I also want to just get to enjoy this happy turn of events. Two people we all care about have found love, and it's a very special occasion. I know Ange just needs some time to come to terms with it, so maybe let's just keep our celebrations on the down low out of respect for her loss. (I think I can convince her that she and Francis make a much better couple than him and Arthur, anyway.)

I'm _not_, however, saying that Ange doesn't bring up a valid point regarding the questionable morals of our situation. Yes, maybe we shouldn't be using other people's lives as a basis for a manga unless we ask their permission first. I mean, I'm not a monster (I'm _**NOT!**_), and I know technically it's probably not 100% right to be doing this, especially before we consult the boys…

But I honestly don't think it will be that hard convincing them to let us make the comic.

I know we're still deciding whether to make it full on yaoi, or just BL – but either way, I think we'll be good.

If it's yaoi then I'm sure we can sell the idea to Arthur, because that guy is a kinky bastard. He pretends to be so prim and proper, but he devours all the yaoi manga I give him, and I know he's started looking it up on his own online by now. (He let slip something veeery interesting about plant-tentacles the other day…)

And if we decide we're not comfortable with actual lemon about our classmates/friends, then I'm sure that both Alfred and Arthur would be all over the idea of a romance manga about their relationship. Judging by what we've seen recently, I would say they're both huge romantics, and I think they'll be so touched and excited by the idea of the comic that they'll totally ignore all the stalker shit we had to do to make the book happen.

I'm even willing to bet actual money that one of them would fund a start-up company for us to begin making more manga, if we said they could have more comics about their love life. Those delightful saps! (Or pervs, in Arthur's case)

So, all in all, I think it not only _fun_, but also _prudent_ for us to study the video footage and audio recordings we acquired, and get together a couple of sketches and a rough draft of this library scene. It's something we can present to the boys in order to get official permission and a moral allowance to start this project.

And on that note, I humbly present this hasty and inadequate account of the beautiful (and baffling) USUK library confession.

And can I just take a minute to thank you now, more than ever, for coming up with those country codenames. I love you for this gift, Kiku. Not only have those codenames proved to be useful, but they just add such a cool flair to the characters! I will worship you forever for that moment of genius when you looked at Ludwig and Feliciano and called them Germany and Italy. X3 It just works so well at our international school! It's genuinely one of my favourite things about the Academy because I get to see you draw attractive boys from round the world wearing their country's traditional outfits and military uniforms. Yummy.

Anyway.

We spent all weekend listening to that audio recording I got from the library, and that transcript we worked on was just sitting there on my hard drive – and I couldn't just let it _lay_ there all bare and plain. It was practically a crime! So I just had to flower it up.

It's not _completely_ fangirlised yet. I don't think I even used the word "trembled" once. "Sparkle" got a few appearances, but come on: nobody would deny that Alfred's eyes actually do that.

I just wanted to give the blank script a little structure and flesh it out with the bare essentials of how they were positioned, when and how they looked at each other, what their voices sounded like as they talked, etc. That way we can get a vague idea of the flow of the scene, and maybe how long it'll be, that sort of thing.

Also, I just couldn't help myself. (I feel that I should mention that, because you know me too well, and are quite capable of reading between the lines of my bullshit to the fangirly truth.)

Obviously it's written in third person point of view so we can get as much descriptive detail as possible – but I also included some good, old Austen-esque, free indirect speech. A) Their personalities are just _sooo_ enticing to write! And b) I really wanted to get a look at things from both boys' perspectives, so I switched views between the two of them. That way we can get a little of everything: tsuntsun!Arthur, deredere!Arthur, adorkable!Al, sweeping-you-off-your-feet-charming!Al. Make it a full on roller coaster ride of attraction for the readers.

However, I had to make some editorial decisions when focusing on the boys' points of view here. I know we're all still undecided about what exactly led to this confession (I mean, they were enemies and then strangers, how did they jump to THIS?). And I know we spent _all_ day analysing the audio, but some of the more confusing comments still need further studying – I mean, the whole "Gentleman" and "Hero" thing (usernames on a wesite?), and all that stuff about fantasies (just wtf?)...

For the purposes of this rough draft, I went with Nhi's idea that they were partners in the school's anonymous email exchange project, and indirectly confessed their feelings about each other, and now they're meeting for the first time since they realised who they were emailing. (I love how Nhi sits there reading something else and pretending not to care, but then she'll randomly comes out with the most insightful, fangirly comments of all of us. XD )

So, when the need arose, I based a few invented details on this premise of the email-relationship. If it turns out to be wrong – well, then, I'll just have to write it all over again!

I hope to God that Nhi's right, though, because that is just the most adorable, and magical, and manga-y situation I've ever heard in real life. The only reason I can't get fully on board with this proposal is that I just can't let myself believe something so perfect could be true. I suppose that it really is the only option that makes sense, though.

I know Mei said it could be some other website where they met – not necessarily the school emails. And I also like Feliks' idea that they've been secretly getting to know each other in person for a while, and got a little friendly over MSN/email or something which led to this confession – but nobody could agree on a specific point when they might have started this acquaintanceship. Plus, I don't think Alfred would have been able to hide something like that from you and Toris if he really does love Arthur this much (which I don't doubt that he does). He would have been too eager and confessed it all in his excitement. It must be a recent development, I'm sure of it – which fits with Nhi's emailing idea.

Emma's "pre-established relationship + stranger roleplaying" idea is hot, but, again, I think _you_, at the very least, would know if Alfred had been dating Arthur already.

So, like I said: in this version, I've gone with the basis that they have been anonymously emailing, unknowingly confessed their feelings for each other, and this is their first meeting in person.

I've included a few personal comments/notes throughout the narrative, in brackets.

Oh, and I've started with the beginning of the dialogue since this is where our definite knowledge of events comes in. I know we'll have to set up the look of Founders' Library beforehand – it's such a grand old library so it would be a shame to waste it as the setting. However, I was too excited to write the dialogue so I left that background detail crap out for now.

The one thing we really need to set up is the fact that the bookshelves down in the philosophy section are like half shelves: they've got the books on top, but the bottom half is a solid counter, which juts out a bit, so you get that shelf/ledge/counter/whatever-you-want-to-call-it, at about waist height. I always just use it put my bag and books on – but it's really important for the make-out part in this scene, so we need to establish that there's a ledge here on which the boys can perch/lean/sit. …At the perfect height for one person to wrap their legs around the other…*drooool*

Also, I really want to highlight the fact that the library aisles are only open at one end, and closed off at the other where the bookcases reach the wall. It's not so important in terms of this scene; but in reality, it caused me such a panic when I realised they would leave their aisle, and there was no way for me to escape! I can't run down my aisle in the opposite direction and slink in to an abandoned aisle, because it's just a dead end. But if I left _my_ aisle when I heard _them_ leaving, they would definitely have seen me! I NEVER thought my little cave of books would work, but they were just _that_ wrapped up in each other that they didn't even notice a house of books on the floor… (By the way, I made the photo of my yaoi-fangirl-stalker-book-house my background on my phone.)

The first few lines of dialogue are from Mei's memory. _So much drama…_We all said she _must_ have misheard, and she _swore_ it's what they actually said, and there was some _real_ conflict escalating. And then suddenly _Toris_, of all people, comes to the rescue, and realised it was a _Captain America_ quote. And by God, Mei is never going to let us forget that we doubted her in matters of BL...

Anyway, without further ado, because I could babble on all night, I present to you: …um…

We need a name for this story…

* * *

><p>Arthur was so nervous that he didn't even have the presence of mind to stop and take a deep breath before rounding the corner of the last bookshelf – and suddenly it was too late to calm down and compose himself because here he was, in the last, most secluded aisle of the library, with Alfred F. Jones.<p>

His momentum from storming through the building evaporated in an instant, and he juddered awkwardly to an unnatural stop, as if walking in on a scene he knew he shouldn't be a part of. **[Liz:** DAMN those prepositions at the end of sentences! Meh. I'm leaving that there for now, we can sort it out later.**]** He reeled himself back to keep a safe distance from Alfred, practically throwing himself against the shelves behind him, and clutching the counter ledge for dear life.

**[Liz:** I want something here about how Arthur's usually comfortable in the library, but suddenly it seems intimidating. "The familiar bookshelves on either side loomed traitorously around him, enclosing him like a tunnel." Or maybe a _cave_ – since the bookshelves reach all the way down to the wall and have a dead-end. So basically, it's like he's trapped. But then he looks at Alfred and it's like Alfred is the light at the end of the tunnel, and with _Alfred_ is where he feels comfortable now, so the library goes back to normal, because wherever Alfred is, it's home. But…I don't know…Might be a bit excessive for the introduction. This may just be me getting a little carried away with the fangirling…**]**

Alfred was further down the middle of the aisle, hidden from view of the rest of the library unless you came looking. He was leaning against the counter of the bookshelf opposite, but when the newcomer arrived, he looked up and stiffened. No beaming smile appeared on his face, and Arthur couldn't decide if that were a good or a bad thing. But his eyes – those bright expressive eyes you could notice from a mile away (or maybe that was just Arthur) – sparkled visibly with hope (or maybe that was just Arthur).

There was an unspoken understanding that they would not be moving closer any time soon. So Alfred allowed himself a shaky inhale, and, full of so many hopeful butterflies he could barely hold still, he fixed his eyes on the fidgeting blonde boy, and began.

"Wonderful weather we're having."

The few heartbeats in the silence that followed would never be forgotten, by either of them.

"Yes…But I always carry an umbrella."

It was little more than a murmur. But just like that, it lit up Alfred's face so brilliantly that the dark winter day outside was forgotten. If you ever asked Arthur, he would have thought he remembered that the sun was shining outside at that moment.

Relief and joy flooded through Alfred's veins, and suddenly his fluttering nerves and remaining worries didn't seem quite so important anymore. Yes, he was still nervous about talking to the English boy right now. Yes, it was still awkward and embarrassing after all they'd said to each other over email. And yes, he still couldn't quite believe it. But all that really mattered right now was making the most of this moment.

It didn't matter that Arthur wasn't smiling – Alfred knew how the other boy liked to save his real face behind a scowl, and he didn't blame him for being a little guarded right now. It was just all the more reason to spill everything that was dancing on his tongue – say everything he had planned to say until Arthur understood him and felt like smiling back.

"This weather, huh?" Alfred beamed, nodding his head in the direction of the nearby window, dark with an early winter night.

Arthur glanced at it, face clouding in confusion as he turned back to the American.

"But…" He paused, wondering which of them was missing something right now, and feeling thoroughly left behind. "You just said it was sunny. Even though it's been cold and horrible all day."

Alfred leaned forward conspiratorially, and Arthur's body followed, drawn in magnetically. Alfred looked up and down the aisle exaggeratedly, a grin playing on the corners of his mouth. Finally he looked back up at Arthur, their eyes meeting and locking properly for the first time. "You're supposed to say 'Mm,'" Alfred said in a loud stage whisper. "And then I say: 'D'ya ever get homesick?'"

Arthur paused, lost somewhere between Alfred's eyes and his words.

Suddenly it clicked. **[L:** I wish I knew what clicked! I am still so confused about Alfred's comment, but judging by how he looked on the video, it meant something to Arthur.**]** A deep red blush burst into bloom across his face and his voice got caught in the skip beat of his heart.

Alfred laughed at his companion's expression, clearly pleased with the reaction of stunned silence, wide green eyes and pink flush.

"So…D'ya ever get homesick?" he ploughed on, feeling a little sorry for Arthur's nervousness but too excited and eager to give him a moment to catch up.

"…N-not really. I l-like it here," said Arthur, voice finally coming to back life to stutter along in time with his stammering heart. (He felt like cursing himself for the awkward stutter, but it was his own fault for playing along with Alfred's game in the first place. Not that he had really registered his decision to play along – it just sort of happened.)

"Me, too," smiled Alfred. He leant back against the bookcase again, looking around fondly at the library for effect, before letting his eyes settle once more on Arthur. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Than right – "

"_All right, that's enough!_"

Alfred laughed as Arthur clenched his fists at his side and glared off to the side.

"But that was your fantasy!" whined Alfred playfully, with the grin he just couldn't keep off his face anymore. **[L:** I am _so_ confused about Arthur's fantasy…Talking about the weather with the guy he likes? I've never heard anything more sad and British in my life…**]**

By the impressive frown on his face, it was clear that Arthur didn't appreciate Alfred's thoughtful attempts at making his dreams come true. Or at least, he was putting on a good show of _pretending_ that he didn't. Arthur was nothing if not a stickler for tradition, after all, and it was very traditional for him to pretend that he hated Alfred.

"Look, if you're just here to humiliate me then – "

"Oh, nonononononono," the American interrupted, shaking his head. He hooked the startled eyes of his companion with an uncharacteristically serious look of his own. "You _know_ that's not what this is. No taking the easy way out by pretending you're all offended and suspicious."

"But I _am_ offended and sus– " Arthur tried again.

"You _just_ don't wanna deal with how awkward this conversation is gonna be right now, and want to run away," Alfred cut him off once more.

It seemed that he had been well prepared for everything Arthur would try and convince himself, knowing that the English boy was too modest to believe that this could actually be happening. After all, Arthur thought, how _could_ he believe it? He was Arthur Kirkland, and he was supposed to believe he was _living_ a moment straight off the silver screen. How could he have expected something so perfect to be real? He'd not really understood that this could all actually be true.

But Alfred was determined to show him that it was, and always had been. And, if Arthur was up for it, always would be.

**[L:** So this is where I arrived in the aisle behind them. Mei and I switched places like ninjas, then she went off to sort out possession of the video footage, and I started the actual audio recording. Everything before this, we're just going by Mei's memory of their conversation. That second bit about the weather/fantasy is still pretty weird, but Mei promises it's what they said, and after the Captain America thing at the start, I'm going to go with her on this one.**]**

Arthur blinked at the other boy, leaning back a little in surprise. It really looked and sounded as if Alfred were serious about this, which was almost more unbelievable than it happening in the first place.

It took him a minute, but eventually he remembered to put his eyebrows back in place and frown again. "I do _not_ run away."

"Good. Because I _know_ it's embarrassing," Alfred persisted, looking away and blushing slightly. "You don't think I feel it, too? But just…think about how awesome it's gonna be tomorrow and next week and…all after that if we can just get through this part."

Both of them were blushing furiously, looking determinedly away from each other, and each hoping that their racing heart wasn't as treacherously loud as it felt.

Alfred clutched the ledge of the bookshelf behind him. He had lived everyday so confident and self-assured that life was just easy for him. But for once, the American was white-knuckled and tense and finding it harder than he expected to say the things he wanted. These conversations looked so easy on T.V. and in movies, but it was much harder to get the words out in real life.

And yet, he wouldn't change anything about this. Not for the world.

Every burning heartbeat, every anxious thought flitting through his head, every long second of awkward silence: this was his first real moment with the real Arthur he'd always wanted, and everything about it he would treasure and remember. He suddenly realised how true it could be when people say they've never felt so alive. He was actually getting to experience a cliché! **[L:** I can see Alfred being really excited at living out movie clichés, so it's part of his character to notice this stuff. It's not just my poor writing resorting to clichés, I swear…**]**

And he may have been a little too nervous to be _confident_ about all this, but he was still deliriously happy to experience it.

"So I know it's lame and annoying," he continued. "But let's just do this super awkward bit and get it out of the way and then we can move on." He looked up at Arthur, meeting the other boy's gaze with a smirk. "I promise I'll make it worth your while."

Arthur stared in disbelief.

"Oh God," he groaned, literally facepalming, which made Alfred feel rather proud of himself.

"Told ya I was good with those cheesy quotes," Alfred grinned, watching Arthur slide his hand down his face and master his expression once more.

"Well, would you _please_ stop. It's embarrassing." He quickly cast around in his mind for another complaint before Alfred had time to carry on this ridiculous train of thought. "_And_ cruel! I told you in my email I needed time before I could talk to Alfred. Uh…you. What did you not understand about that?"

"Arthur, you like me and I like you. What do you not understand about _that_!" Alfred challenged. Arthur's glare vanished, replaced by those dazzling green eyes and warm pink blush that seemed to be hiding just below the surface of his usual grumpy facade. "I'm sorry for pushing you, I guess, but I don't want to waste another second being strangers with you when we know what it's like now. We have a lot of time to make up for and I want to get started _now_."

It was almost scary how easy it was to look Alfred in the eye and believe him now, Arthur thought. He really should have a better handle on himself – but that face, that face that he always knew could do this to him, was doing just that.

"You're horrible to me," Arthur huffed, managing a half-hearted frown as he looked away at the dark window at the end of their aisle.

Out of the corner of his eye – certainly not because he was watching Alfred's reflection in the darkened window, absolutely not! – he saw Alfred perk up, reassured somehow by Arthur's grumpy comment that he was forgiven. (Either Alfred knew him too well, or Arthur was just not very good at hiding himself from the boy anymore.)

Alfred had the decency to look away modestly after such a cheesy outburst. But when Arthur kept quiet for too long, his body began fidgeting as it sparked with all the pent-up adrenaline of the moment. After a few more moments of silence, he grinned at the back of Arthur's head.

"I knew it was you."

Arthur rounded on him, having summoned his scowl back from where it had been trying to hide away in his excitement.

"You're not allowed to say that," he said haughtily. "If you'd _really_ known then you would have said so in the email. Now you're just lying to make yourself sound clever."

Alfred looked scandalised. "No way! I _totally_ knew it was you! I just didn't want to say that in case just _maybe_ it wasn't, and you thought I'd be disappointed you weren't Arthur."

"A likely story," Arthur scoffed, turning his nose up in the air.

"Dude, why _else_ would I have chosen to meet here?" Alfred defended himself. "I _know_ there's that camera over there," he explained, nodding at the bookshelf against the far back corner of the library. "And I knew '_The Gentleman_'" – he said exaggeratedly, gesturing with air quotes – "would be too nervous to just come meet me, so I gave you the chance to go look at the video and check me out, see that it wasn't a trap or whatever.

"Which _means_," – he paused for dramatic effect, holding up a finger with confidence – "I _knew_ The Gentleman was one of the only three students at the school who has a key to the surveillance room." He held up his head proudly, not needing to watch as Arthur's face went blank as he absorbed this information.

There was a moment of silence as Arthur weighed this declaration in his mind.

"…Two students."

Alfred looked at the other boy in confusion. Arthur glanced up through lowered lashes. "They took Francis's key away," he explained.

Alfred laughed. _Alfred's_ laugh. And for the first time, it was okay for Arthur to smile back.

"Duh they did" said Alfred, calming down finally.

The two boys looked at each other for a while, neither one moving or making any effort to speak. Just allowing themselves to look at each other for once, instead of stealing glances, faking frowns, hiding the truth. It was stupid how good it felt – how much of a relief it was to be allowed the chance. They still gripped the shelf ledges they leant on, not quite ready to give up that lifeline and move forward yet, towards each other. But they were getting more and more ready, more and more excited to let all of this begin.

"When…When did you figure it out?" asked Arthur. "_If_ I'm to believe you have such incredible powers of deduction," he added, because they were still Alfred and Arthur and not meant to give in to each other so easily. Especially if they wanted to.

"Pretty early on," said Alfred, looking absent-mindedly at the bookshelf in front of him as he thought about it. "I mean, I thought from the start '_Holy crap, this sounds like it could be Arthur!_' 'Cause you write just like you talk, and you were a grumpy loner and everything. But then when you said you had a crush on Alfred I was like '_Oh, it can't be him then._'" Arthur frowned, cursing himself for making Alfred feel like he wasn't good enough to have anyone he wanted in the world. _Especially_ Arthur.

"But it just…it just sounded so much like you!" the American continued, almost wistfully. "I tried thinking of it as other people instead, but _you _just kept coming back."

He trailed off for a minute, a soft, fond smile warming his face at the memory of their emails. Arthur found himself gazing much too longingly at him when Alfred could just look over and catch him at any moment. Usually he was much better at being inconspicuous about his long looks.

"And then just before the shorts thing, when you were talking about your brothers, I thought '_If I wasn't in love with Arthur I'd __definitely__ think this was him._' And I just couldn't ignore it anymore.

"And besides…" There was a long pause, and that fond smile melted onto his face again. It was a smile Arthur had never seen on him before, and the thought that _he_ had brought it there was nothing short of magical, if truth be told. "I just kind of knew…it had to be you." Alfred looked over and their eyes were fixed together. "You were exactly how I thought you'd be," he smiled.

Arthur blushed some more, and managed to look away, though not as soon as he would have liked. There really was no chance of him saving face now. Self-preservation didn't seem to want to stick around when it came to Alfred. (And the implications of _that_ were a little worrying. Was Alfred really so good for him that his body would just shut down and let itself be openly smitten?)

"…I…" Arthur paused, feeling only his heart pound instead of his thoughts working.

But suddenly, something that Alfred had said popped to the surface of his mind and clicked into place…activating an anger switch.

"You _told_ me about my shorts on _purpose_!"

And all Alfred could do was giggle. Fucking _giggle_, just to add insult to injury.

"Little bit, yeah," he grinned. And it wasn't even a smirk or some other demeaning version of a smile, it was just a fucking smile, like it was all so good and happy!

And Arthur genuinely forgot all his nervousness as good old reliable anger thoroughly took over the pumping of his blood. He marched the few remaining paces to Alfred and was so torn between wringing his neck and punching him that he could do neither.

"You put me through _hell_, you sodding _wanker_!" he raged. "I couldn't change my shorts because then '_The Hero'_" – air quoted with a rather noticeable amount of contempt – "would know I must have read those emails, so 'The Gentleman' must be Arthur!" He ended his rant with a sound somewhere between a growl and a snarl, hoping his furious expression was enough for Alfred to feel ashamed of himself.

No such luck, of course.

"Just a little payback for you wearing those shorts in the first place. You don't know how crazy it makes me."

And with one well-aimed cheesy line, the fire was smothered out of him.

Arthur went bright red and scuttled back a few steps to clutch at the bookcase behind him for some moral support. He looked away hurriedly from the boy opposite, but somehow he could see the smirk on his face, feel the blue eyes burning into him. It almost felt hot where they rested on him, or maybe that was just his cursed blush heating him up again.

Alfred allowed himself a moment to enjoy the adorable flustering, then he rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly at the English boy's antics.

"It wasn't just about the shorts, Arthur," he sighed, dramatically. "By that time I knew it was _you_ I was emailing, and I was trying to tell you how…awesome and…stuff you are." Arthur jumped visibly, but didn't look up. Alfred sighed again. He didn't mind the effort, this was all worth it. And, to be fair, it's not like he could really blame Arthur for being self-conscious right now.

"I was trying to tell you how perfect you are even though you don't know it, alright?" Alfred admitted, determined to get them where they needed to go even if it meant saying some embarrassing things. "Why do you think I kept saying '_Tell Arthur from me_' about the shorts? I _knew_ Arthur would be getting the message! I even said 'I don't want another second to go by that Arthur doesn't know that' or whatever. Because I knew another second _wasn't_ going to go by, because _Arthur_ was reading it. I wanted you to know! Because you seemed to think Alfred would never like you, but I was trying to explain that _fuck yeah_ he would!" Arthur made a strange jerky movement with his head, as if he'd wanted to look up at Alfred in surprise, but then caught himself just in time and tried to look everywhere else at once. "I wanted you to know that I think you're amazing. I was trying to give you confidence so we could meet sooner," Alfred finished. "I've been ready – I was just waiting for you."

Arthur's eyebrows knit together and twisted, frowned and lifted, his heart eager to write itself all over his face. "Why…" He made himself look up because he really was no coward, he was just a little bewildered by this whole situation. "Why wouldn't you just _tell_ me it was you."

Alfred smiled, looking both sympathetic and sheepish over Arthur's distressed face. "You'd still have been totally embarrassed," he said, reasonably. "Besides, I left you a shit ton of clues. I'll friggin' go over the emails with you and point them all out. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out, too."

"I did," Arthur was quick to jump in. "Not at first but…it got more and more…difficult to deny it. But by the last few emails…I knew. I just…I couldn't _believe_ it. I still don't. I couldn't believe I could be that lu-ah-unfortunate," he finished quickly, hoping his slip up had gone unnoticed.

Again, that was some wishful thinking.

Alfred grinned. "Lucky," he said, enjoying the way Arthur's ears turned red. (That colour was really growing on Alfred.) "You were gonna say 'lucky.'" Arthur ignored him resolutely, so Alfred decided to play peacemaker once more. "But _I'm_ the lucky one, remember?"

That got Arthur's attention. The shorter boy looked up, green eyes open and bare and finally looking as if they were ready to take in what was right before them.

But then Alfred made the mistake of grinning, proud of his new cheesy line, and Arthur turned his unguarded stare into a calculated eye roll and a groan.

Although Alfred was sure he saw a smirk hidden away in the corner of his mouth there.

"Anyway," Arthur huffed, once his eye roll had very much made its point. "If _you_ knew it was me _first_, don't you think that's a bit underhanded? Using your anonymity as a way to get more information out of me, make me gush about Alfred?"

The words sounded like an accusation, but there was just no feel to it in Arthur's face. The little gold flecks in his eyes seemed to twinkle in the light, and it almost looked like he was playing a game of pretend. And it almost looked like he _knew_ that Alfred knew that it was just pretend, and he didn't mind it…But that was a little bit too subtle for Alfred, so he brushed it off.

"Now you're just _trying_ to find things to complain about," said the American. Arthur pouted (Alfred was sure that was the right way of describing that word, and he hoped to God he got to study that look more often, just to make sure). "Look, Arthur, this is real. You and me right now, and every other day you'll let me bug you from now on. I _know_ you don't believe it – you think I don't feel the same? This is…this is insane and I can't believe it. So I'm just gonna make this real easy for you."

One deep breath. More for effect than anything, because it was actually surprisingly easy to gear himself up to say this – natural almost, like he had always been meant to say it.

"Arthur Kirkland, I'm in love with y–"

"No!" Arthur interrupted, looking horrified. "No, we've been over this – you can't say that to someone unless you know them!"

Why he was so desperate not to let Alfred tell him something that was true, and that they both wanted to say and hear, was beyond the American boy. But he was happy to be persistent if it meant he got Arthur in the end.

"But I DO know you now!" Alfred insisted, not caring about the nagging tone that was edging its way into his voice. "I know it's only been a week we've been writing to each other, but it's sort of been a week and two and a half years, and I'm just…Can we just be what we're supposed to be now? Fucking _together_ already?"

For a second he didn't understand the shocked eyes and red glow that practically radiated off of Arthur at this outburst. Then he played it back in his mind and heard it.

"_Fucking together"_…

"I-I-I don't mean…f-f-fu…I meant, you know, goddamned together. Just…"

It was his turn to stumble to a stop for once, heart racing but legs trembling and not knowing quite what to do with himself.

But Arthur was merciful and let it slide.

"I know," he practically whispered, and not even Arthur could tell if it was because he was embarrassed or just didn't trust himself to speak. "I…Yes."

Alfred hoped that that "yes" meant what he thought it did.

Taking courage from it, because to him the world was all good now and he had no reason to worry anymore, he crossed the narrow aisle and turned around to lean against the bookshelf next to Arthur. And God, did it feel foolishly good just to be this close.

Arthur watched him suspiciously, growing tense and red in the face as Alfred sidled up beside him.

"Soooo…" Alfred drawled, and Arthur could tell by that obnoxious grin that nothing short of embarrassing would come from this next statement. "You have a crush on me?"

"I-I do not!" the shorter boy spluttered. Alfred raised a sceptical eyebrow at him and Arthur blushed. "I-I mean, I do – but that's not how I wanted to say it. 'Having a crush' is such a stupid turn of phrase, but I didn't know the right words to say…A-and I had to make myself sound like any old student so I chose a common, asinine phrase to describe it. And besides, you're lucky: having to tone down my normal way of speaking in those emails meant I couldn't use all the 'bloody's and 'git's that I wanted to in my emails, either!"

Alfred nodded thoughtfully, letting this information sink in as Arthur continued to fidget nervously beside him. (But he wasn't making any effort to move away, at least.)

"So what then?" Alfred asked after a short pause.

Arthur looked up, his impressive dark eyebrows drawn together in question. He looked adorable – so frigging touchable – but Alfred was trying to take it slow for him, because that was how Arthur wanted to play it. Like the careful perfectionist he was.

"Pardon?"

"If you don't just have a crush on me how _would_ you say it?"

It looked like it took a moment for the question to register, if Arthur's big blank stare was anything to go by. Then suddenly that blush reappeared on his face – that blush that was becoming ridiculously familiar in such a short space of time, and which Alfred was falling in love with just as quickly. It was kind of unfair how head over heels he was already, and yet Arthur was still revealing new quirks to make him fall harder. Alfred was pretty sure he didn't have anything left to give of himself, but Arthur just got more amazing by the moment.

At least Alfred could make up for it by finding new ways to make that blush happen.

"You think I'm a jolly nice fellow?" Alfred teased with a smirk, nudging Arthur's shoulder with his and watching the British boy squirm. "You like me? L-word me?" He grinned, and Arthur managed a scowl. "For _me_, even if you won't let me say what it was, it was at first sight." (He was getting pretty good at knowing just the right thing to say to sweep that scowl away.) "I know you think it's stupid and you said you don't believe in that stuff at first sight, but for _me_ –"

"I!" Arthur blurted, then snapped his mouth shut. Alfred kept quiet, urging Arthur to continue to fill the awkward silence. "…I know I said I don't, but I do…I was just…being…I was nervous and felt stupid about it, but I didn't mean – "

"I know."

Arthur looked up at him, and Alfred was glued to those eyes again. How long had he waited to see them like this – have them looking back at him, not shying away or scowling. It wasn't just the colour, that amazing green you could pick out from a mile away; it was the intensity, the sparkle in them. Having this pair of eyes look at you properly made you feel like someone worth looking at. They made Alfred feel…the way he wanted to feel. He was already addicted.

"So, I was thinking…" he found himself saying. Adrenaline was tingling through his body, he almost felt electric. Sure, he'd planned this part, but this was where his nerves started to kick in. "This is all kinda embarrassing. I mean, we both know all the things we said about each other, and we can't take it back or pretend we didn't mean it so much." It was true – they'd each let slip a lot of romantic drivel about each other without realising, and finally talking face to face, the reality of it all came flooding in quite humiliatingly. "So it's really awkward right now, right? And I think we need to just…skip over this weird bit so we don't waste time being all nervous and shy when it's kind of pointless." Arthur tilted his head in confusion, and suddenly Alfred forgot all about his nerves in the urge to do what he was about to suggest. "So I know it's not the gentlemanly or heroic thing to do but I think we should kiss now and get all the awkwardness out of the way. I know we should probably do it right and wait for the third date or something – "

"_Third_? What are you, a prude?"

And now it was Alfred's turn to widen his eyes in surprise and go speechless as Arthur smirked at _him_.

"Ha ha ha! Wow…" he laughed, breathlessly. "Okay then."

Their backs stayed pressed against the bookcase, heads turned towards each other, hands grasping the counter as they tried to keep a grip on which way they world turned. Somehow, they'd gotten so close that all they had to do was lean in and their lips were together – and Alfred F. Jones was kissing Arthur Kirkland.

Finally.

It was short. Their first kiss didn't need to be anything other than a brief brush of lips because just that one touch, after all this time, was enough to make it perfect. Finally it was here, and that was all that mattered.

When it was over they found they couldn't quite pull away just yet. Their heads managed to get barely an inch apart before the heat in each other's eyes, their closeness, the soft breaths against each other's faces – it drew them back in for a second quick kiss, and a third, and a fourth, little pecks and soft touches of lips broken only by the need to look up and steal a glance at each other's eyes again and make sure it was all real and admire that bright green and that sparkling blue.

Alfred let his body be drawn round to face Arthur's, pulled in without even noticing that he was moving. His hand reached out to hold Arthur's waist, but only when Arthur gasped and jumped in surprise at the light touch on his hip did Alfred realise that he'd moved at all.

He looked down at his outstretched hand, sheepishly – it was a bold move so early on, and he certainly hadn't meant for it to happen. But Arthur didn't look embarrassed. He just looked a little shy as he lifted his own heavy hand, tense with adrenaline, and watched in a daze, as it landed on Alfred's wrist down by his waist. Both eyes followed it as it ran slowly up Alfred's toned arm to his firm shoulder **[L**: he has nice arms, okay. Leave me alone!**]**, both feeling something amazing from the simple movement even though Alfred's thick brown jacket separated their skin.

After a long moment of electric silence, Arthur's hands found the lapel of Alfred's jacket, and pulled him down into a hotter, longer, noisier kiss. Alfred's body melted into Arthur's in response, one arm wrapping around Arthur's waist, his other hand running up the shorter boy's back and pulling him closer.

There was nothing between them anymore, pressed so close together, and Arthur didn't feel awkward, just intensely alive, as one hand curved around Alfred's neck and the other ran up into his golden hair.

**[L**: Here I want something about how Alfred has always been referred to as the golden boy of the school, but right now he's really shining for the first time. But I don't know how to word that without it sounding insanely cheesy. Do we really care about cheese in a scene like this, though? Personally, I think it should be smothered. And Alfred keeps talking about cheesy lines, so maybe it fits?**]**

It was too much. They were teenagers and they'd never touched anyone else before because they'd been waiting for each other, for this moment. And now it was here, they just couldn't stop themselves.

Moving in unison, Alfred pushed Arthur backwards just as the English boy stepped back and hopped on to the counter, wrapping his legs around Alfred's waist and dragging him closer than the American was pressing already. Everything about them was trying to get closer – drawn in with each gasp, each smack of lips, thighs pressing into hips, hands clutching everywhere, none of it was enough.

There was a tongue against lips, mouths opening and inviting each other inside, and suddenly everything was so warm, and exciting, and new, and desperately close, and so, so, right, and –

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Loud crashes from a nearby library aisle shattered the moment. Alfred darted backwards, pressing himself against the opposite bookshelf, just as Arthur jumped off the counter, fixing his shirt and trying to remember how to breathe.

**[L**: _WHY, LIZ, WHYYYY?_ I RUINED _EVERYTHING_! I'm so sorry! I know you all forgive me for knocking those books over but I will hate myself for all of you. _WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?_**]**

There was a long, tense moment that should have been quiet – but the heartbeats pounding in their ears, the heavy breathing and the silence itself, were thunderous.

But no one appeared at the end of their aisle, jeering and pointing. No footsteps or talking could be heard anywhere in the long, empty room. The world didn't collapse around them…

They glanced up at each other, shyly. Then Alfred chuckled, looking younger and sweeter than Arthur had ever seen him – and the English boy realised something.

Alfred wasn't some big scary school celebrity. He _knew_ that – he'd known that for a long time – but it was finally starting to sink in. Right now, Alfred was just a nervous teenager with an awkward, hopeful crush. All because of _him_. And really, the least he could do to help the poor boy out was be honest.

So Arthur smiled back in relief and, to be honest, just plain happiness.

Alfred stared at the smile – at Arthur actually smiling at _him_, because _he_ could make him happy – and an ear-splitting, eye-sparkling beam lit up his face in return.

He stepped forward, Arthur too busy smiling to wonder what antics he was trying to get up to next.

"Hey," said Alfred. "How about _this_ for a movie quote?"

All of a sudden, he grabbed Arthur around the shoulders and waist, and dipped him down so low and fast that Arthur had to cling to his neck in fear of falling.

Arthur looked up, and Alfred smiled.

"I can't wait to tell you I love you."

Arthur forgot to pretend to be annoyed. He didn't even feel flustered. With those one of a kind blue eyes gazing at him so deep and sincere, it really was enough to make even Arthur Kirkland give in.

So instead of flailing or scowling, he just chuckled, turning it into a smile as he looked up with hooded eyes. "Mmm," he hummed, happily. "Give it a few hours."

Alfred blinked. He'd expected the English boy to get all hot and bothered, but here was just playing along with the dramatic movie moment. _Or_, one little part of Alfred hoped, maybe he meant it? The mischievous light in Arthur's eyes, the way he craned his neck up and pulled Alfred into a long kiss, made it seem like it could be both.

They stayed like that for one perfect moment and then finally Alfred let Arthur up carefully.

Arthur brushed some imaginary wrinkles off his clothes, fixing Alfred with a hooded glare.

But his eyes and one corner of his mouth were smiling.

"You're horrible to me."

"Yeah, I know," Alfred laughed. "I'll make it up to you, I swear. I mean, I just did another one of your fantasies for you right there – me coming in and sweeping you off your feet just 'cause I love you." Arthur gaped at him. "And we can act out all your _other_ little daydream scenarios, too!" Alfred babbled, pleased by the look on Arthur's face, which was somewhere between stunned and moved. "And we'll do my fantasies, too, right?"

Arthur managed to flail without moving. "I-I-I-don't be so crude!" he stammered.

Alfred laughed. This guy was too much fun. He was going to enjoy every minute of this. (Even if it lasted forever, which he kind of hoped…)

"Woah, I didn't say my fantasies were _crude_! They're just a bunch of meet cutes, except we already know each other. Why, what are _your_ fantasies all about?"

Arthur blushed furiously, scowling determinedly at the dark window.

"I've decided I actually hate you."

Alfred laughed some more. He was feeling so light-hearted it just came naturally, joy bubbling away under the surface and ready to burst out at any moment.

Arthur scowled at the taller boy. "Look, are we…"

He cut himself off, the sentence hanging almost tangibly between them until Alfred couldn't take it anymore.

"Are we what?"

"Are we going to go watch those Disney movies or not?"

Alfred's face went completely blank for a second. And then it broke out into an ear-splitting smile which even he could tell was his biggest one yet.

"Sure!" He beamed brightly, heart-fluttering at the pink dusting Arthur's cheeks, despite his efforts to look indifferent. "What should we watch first? Lady and the Tramp? Pocahontas? Maybe Mulan! Or Enchanted?" They pushed off from the bookshelves and headed out of their aisle. "Oh, and just FYI: I think we should do the heroic thing and confess our love to the whole school – help break down all those boundaries and stuff."

Arthur blustered out some angry, indignant noise about how they would do nothing of the sort, and shoved against Alfred's arm in annoyance.

But not too roughly.

And he didn't move away afterwards, choosing quietly to keep close and let their arms brush together.

Maybe even letting his hand slip into Alfred's, just to see what it felt like.

And to get used to their perfect fit.

* * *

><p>The end! (At least of what we've got so far.)<p>

That was pretty much the tensest moment of my life, when I heard them shuffling around and getting ready to leave their aisle and I had to hide behind the pile of books I'd built… But I don't think I even needed to bother: they were so busy gazing into each other's eyes as they walked away they'd never have noticed me.

I don't know for sure if they were holding hands, but I decided they were, so now they are. I genuinely _think_ I saw it, but I really have to be suspicious of myself because my wishful thinking tends to override reality… Remember when I was convinced I saw Antonio making out with Lovino but it just turned out to be him eating a tomato? That was embarrassing…

Anyway, like I said, I haven't made it too flowery yet. We'll obviously make it nice and colourful when we work on it properly.

I'm thinking that for metaphors and similes I'd like to go with a running theme of the idea of _opposites_. It just really works for these two, I think. They're not _really_ that different deep down, since they're both good, wonderful people; but on a superficial level – the level you'll see at the start of the comic – you've got the quiet, volatile bookworm and the loud, exuberant popular kid. So focusing on the opposites theme gives the story a running, underlying sense of tension, which just makes everything so much more hot…Tension, mmmmmm.

Like maybe something about "a rose and its thorns" – because Arthur is so lovely and beautiful but you have to work your way up through the prickly bits to get there, as Alfred has done. "Sun and moon" – maybe focusing on how Alfred has always been the shining personality of the school, and Arthur in the shadows? Or how Arthur gets to bask in Alfred's real natural warm glow now that they're together, it's not just the artificial light of the golden boy popularity.

I really want to do something about green and blue. I mean, nobody doesn't notice their eyes – they've both got _brilliant_ eyes – and it really lends itself to some nice imagery and comparison with the earth and the ocean and sky.

Arthur's fantastic green eyes are the earth. He's beautiful and mysterious like a deep forest, but also, like the earth itself, he's firm, stable, confident (stubborn). And yet, underneath it all, there's a churning fiery mass ready to erupt at any second. But it's still…home. Like the earth can be dangerous, but in the end, it's where we all belong, it's welcoming to us. So Arthur seems like a massive grump, but in reality, he's the most loyal and reliable and wonderful person you could ever get to know. If you take the time to work for it.

Then for Alfred, I don't know whether to think of him as the sky or the ocean. He works so well for both, and his eyes really are as blue as either. God, they're such a nice blue. Do you think you could get a picture for me? I'd love to try and paint them. Anyway, as I was saying, Alfred as the sky really fits because he's so open. Like the sky, he connects everyone because he can be friends with any sort of person. He's got big dreams and he's like a celebrity round here, so he's up high, like the sky. And he complements the Earth(Arthur) – you can't have one without the other, they need each other.

But I also like him as the ocean. On the surface it's beautiful and fun, and the deeper you go the more there is to learn and know, and the more enlightened you feel. It's really worth getting to know him, but it's very difficult to get too far. Only Arthur can do that. And again, the ocean and the earth fit together. They support and feed each other, they're part of this planet, they're _necessary_ for this planet.

Just like the love between USUK is necessary for this world. Which it is! I mean, they're not my OTP, personally, but they sure do know how to work the fangirls. Without even knowing that they're doing it, of course. It just comes naturally to them – like they're characters straight out of an anime!

I'd also love to look into the theme of "OTP" itself, see if we can make that work. They mentioned Disney at the end, so there are a lot of potential references we could make with fairy tale romances and destined love. I think that would be really cute, and just highlight the fact that these two are so meant to be together. And then, of course, I heard them arguing over something about Romeo and Juliet when they were leaving the library – but I'm not sure how to work that in without it sounding _too_ fluffy and childish. I mean Romeo and Juliet is a little cliché, even for me.

The problem is that I don't want it to come off as _too_ innocent and cutesy because that would make the lemon afterwards feel really awkward. (I mean, _if_ we go with lemon…) I just don't want us to shoot ourselves in the foot by making it all sweet and innocent with the Disney pairings theme, and then try and include sex after. That would be awkward and inappropriate.

It's tricky writing Arthur's tsundere-ness. I mean, he changes his tune every three seconds: one moment he's all big-eyed and blushing and dere-dere, the next he's pretending to be offended and angry just to save face. I know it's just because he feels self-conscious, it's not done out maliciousness – but it would wear me out if I were Alfred. But, then again, I suppose that boy has enough energy and persistence to work through Arthur's mood swings. Actually the challenge of figuring him out will probably keep Alfred entertained and interested and constantly on his toes, despite his short attention span. I have every expectation that they'll enjoy dancing around each other for many years to come, even though their feelings seem to all be out in the open now.

Besides, Alfred really does love Arthur, and Arthur is _obviously_ faking the temper – everyone can see it – so I suppose it doesn't matter.

Well, my dear roommate has been suffering through my frantic typing for long enough this evening, and I am exhausted from all the excitement. Plus the anticipation for tomorrow! Oh…my…days… I mean, are they going to announce it to the whole school? When they were walking away in the library Alfred said he wanted to tell everyone – something about breaking down barriers? – but he hasn't even told _you_ that he's dating Arthur yet. Maybe they're going to wait a while, but I hope it's not long. Perving in secret is fun, but it's making Angelique uncomfortable and I don't want to scare her way. She has proved to be invaluable to our cause! We would never have known there was a DIP KISS if she hadn't been able to get us that video!

I mean, _a dip kiss_! Goodness, Alfred is so adorkable.

Sure, Arthur gets through these dramatic moments by pretending to be grumpy and tsun tsun – which is pretty obviously cute. And because Alfred _looks_ all cool and like he knows what he's doing, he seems in control. But in reality, he's just as clueless about how to act as Arthur is!

So how does he figure out what to do when he's confessing? He thinks about movies. What do they say in movies, what do they do in movies, how do they act in movies? He's a geek, so he turns to his fictional heroes for help! He doesn't know how to do a confession, so he thinks about how it happens at the cinema – cheesy lines, dazzling smiles, jokes, dip kisses. Yeah, it makes him look more charming and cool than Arthur, but he's just copying his movie heroes, which is just as cute as tsuntsun!Arthur.

I mean, _A DIP KISS_! Alfred, you beautiful boy! Just keep doing what you're doing and we'll reap all the benefits.

Well, Arthur will reap all the benefits.

Well, I guess that means Alfred will actually reap all the benefits. (Tee hee! Implications XD)

Either way, everybody wins because those two are together and in love.

And everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. Let us never forget.

Oyasumi nasai!

~ Elizaveta

P.S. Don't think I haven't noticed that you never gave us the details of your little "not-a-date" with Heracles, which kept you away from our special operative fangirl mission yesterday. When we got together to study the library audio and video recordings, you clearly wanted to fangirl over the sudden canon USUK. So I let it slide at the time and didn't pester you for info on your day with Heracles.

But know this Honda Kiku: by the end of the week you will spill _everything_.

SWEET DREAMS! X3

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><p>.<p>

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**Author Note:**

**1. The Gentleman and The Hero Ask Blog**

Yes! I have jumped on the bandwagon and started an ask blog for the characters.

Set in the present day (so several months after the events of the story, which took place in January 2012), Alfred and Arthur have started a blog on tumblr, to try to reach out to more students at school and teach them the joys of acceptance and tolerance.

At least, that was their noble purpose for the blog originally. But then Elizaveta told the yaoi fangirls of the web, and now it's just a blog where you can ask them whatever the heck you want.

I thought it would be a great way for you to hear more about their lives outside of the closed environment of their emails. So please feel free to come check it out, ask them your questions, and get some answers.

You can find it at:

ask-the-gentleman-and-the-hero .tumblr .com

(You know the drill, people: remove the spaces.)

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**2. Thank you.**

Writing this story has been a great experience which I will never forget. And a large part of that is all thanks to my reviewers.

**Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading/reviewing/enjoying the story!**

You've made my life for the past few months, and I'm sorry I couldn't reply to everyone's reviews. It just started turning into a mission. I promise I read everything, and get feels from all your comments.

I've been obsessively reading USUK fanfics for the past several years, so I know what it's like to follow a fic that I love. I'm glad I could do that for other people, and become a more active part of the fandom.

Also, the only reason I've been able to hone my characterisation of Arthur and Alfred is because of **everyone else's fanfics**. If I can write the boys decently it's all because other people have created and shared great stories that gave me insight into the characters, and made me want to explore them more in my own stories.

So thank you to all the other writers out there who keep me entertained and emotional and chronically single, and loving every second of it.

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**3. Pimping myself (?)  
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Due to ffnet's crazy rampage, I will not be posting my next story (in fact, 2 or 3 hopefully upcoming things) on this site. Just out of sheer terror that they will be deleted with no warning just for containing some adult situations. I really don't like how they're treating us... So, if you ever want to read anything else by me, please check out my tumblr or Livejournal. Links to both are available on my profile page here.**  
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**Thanks again for reading my story!**

**~ Teenage Mouse**


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